Tuesday, January 31, 2012

It's not the berries getting quadruple bypass
but that's what my little brother is having this morning
oy
Today it's off to Indiana to sit and wait
and hand wring and pray
and walk the floors of the hospital
He wasn't as lucky as my husband
But he does have a guardian angel
who got him to the doc just in time to head off
the widow maker
Truthfully, I am exhausted in the heart


maybe I'll take up painting again
my strawberries aren't that bad 

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Friday, January 27, 2012


Today, I shall dance in what is
catch its  breeze in the fringe of my coat
twirl to possibilities,shining on my face
Yes, today I shall dance in what is
step my moccasins
on sadness
turn my face to the sound of eagle
 lift my arms like wings



Thursday, January 26, 2012


I caved.....
I came home with a big handful of seed packets
I needed it
dreams of summer blooms drifting through my mind
and I always wait too long
and the morning glory heavenly blues are always the first to go
BUT HA!
this year
I got them!

4 packets
that's a lot of heavenly blue

I also got four o'clocks
My dad used to grow those in the backyard
one of the few good memories of his childhood
on the westside of Chicago-Taylor street
I have never had any luck growing them
...last year...out of all those seeds..only 4 sprouted
and guess what....the landscaper who helps me weed the front of the house
thought she was doing me a favor by going around the side of the house
and PULLED THEM OUT
..oh the tears a gardener sheds

But today..with my trusty teacup and a few garden books
and a notepad...I'm dreaming
blue

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

I have always collected
but
I am not a collector,
except for a short period of time when
I couldn't get enough of old readers
old bottles,and  lusterware teapots..(want one?)
No, my collecting began when I was first able to walk around the neighborhood
on my own....I filled my pockets with rocks and marbles
and broken pieces of anything shiny..that I found along the way
I loved adventure...and this was treasure hunting
My best finds were an old Italian coin
an arrowhead....that I retrieved out of the Fox river
a fossil of a snail in limestone that I dug out of the sand
while wading in Lake Michigan
a tiny brass pin with a flower basket on it made out of mosaic pieces
a red shooter marble
...
the only thing I still have is that pin

As I go through my closets,drawers,basement,and garage,
hoping to clear more things out,
I realize that I have always saved things that have had meaning to me

Now, I am saving every drawing that my granddaughter sends me..dating them
and placing them in a big white scrapbook

I have an old cabinet in the basement that has been opened only a few times since we moved here
17 years ago...and that cabinet moved along with us from three previous homes
dare I open it today....of course....
stuff....grand old stuff......from almost everyone that I have ever loved
Stuff that when you see it it transports you

I will be traveling today
back..to where only I can go

stuff..maybe that's why
 I have saved all  of these things
...for just a day as this...
when I need to go back and touch my life
touch everyone that I have loved who is gone
shed a few tears of love and longing
make room for the ones yet to come



Sunday, January 22, 2012

magpie tale # 101...


edward's syndrome



daughter in the womb
snug in fetal postion
as your mother weeps

http://magpietales.blogspot.com/

Saturday, January 21, 2012

ah...now this is winter
I took a  short walk out front
I just love the sound of things in snow
so still, so silent, so muffled
just the distant sound of a snowblower
Like being in a strange land
where all is well

Friday, January 20, 2012

 
oh, it is so cold this morning
even the cats are still curled up  in the covers, not wanting to get up
I guess Iwill have to turn the heat up if they are to come down...spoiled felines
I need to do a bit of grocery shopping this morning,then I will spend the rest of the day
pouring through my garden books
yep, garden books.....have you ever visited my garden blog? http://agardenwench.blogspot.com/
Yes, I have another life
and it is this life that sustains me....
It is a bit cold to go outside....and besides...I have been eaten out of house and home...as they say..
by the birds and squirrels....I hope I find  seed at the store, and don't have to
wander around looking for grub for my wards all over our town.
 I had a wonderful day with my mom, seeing a movie at the library
I was the youngest one there...and I'm no youngster
Afterwards we went for a bite to eat...and I walked out without paying the bill!
Do you believe that!?!?
Once inside my car I realized this and went right back inside to pay the bill.
But I just know that our sweet young waitress took a tongue lashing from her boss
I saw it on her face........good thing I tipped her very well
I guess my mind has been other places lately
and this mistake gave me a laugh with my mother....it was wonderful
as were the photos of Finn that showed up in my email
He is coming over today...I get to kiss those checks in person
today........joy...relief


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Thursday, January 19, 2012

I asked for joy and light
look what showed up in my mail box

...Finn
I cannot live in shadows
alone

Today, I am going to spend the day with my mom
we are going to see a movie
and then maybe go for soup and bread
at our favorite little neighborhood spot
we'll speak much without saying a word
but a burden shared
 is half the burden
and she has been my rock all of my life
we shall comfort each other
Love...what a grand thing

Wednesday, January 18, 2012



Happy jack was waiting this morning
for a hand out....I love how squirrels sit up and clasp their paws together
by their chest.....their tails bushed, sometimes flipping about
as they see that you have seen them.......food!
Okay, I admit it.....I belong to the Thornton Burgess way of thinking
...can't help it...I was born with this attitude
I love fur and fin and feathers
especially in my garden...where it becomes available to me
at anytime of the day for joy,comfort and amusement
I'm already itching to garden..and we are hardly into winter
...this year I am going to makeover some areas of the garden that have gotten old
remove a deck
put up more feeders and houses
oh! this brings me such joy thinking about it
and Lord knows, I need some joy right now
and the garden is always faithful to provide
So Happy Jack......it won't be long...the peanuts are coming
...but I must reprimand you for the chew marks on the deck rail....naughty
good thing I'm planning on taking it down
ah...dreaming...another gift we humans have been given by the Master Gardener

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

mustard seed


...When I was a small girl, I wanted a necklace like this...a mustard seed locket
My best friend had one.
I never did get it.
I was reminded of it today while searching through my spice box
for thyme and dill weed for chicken soup that I was making early this morning....



The little red capped jar just stared at me
and I was back to 4th grade wanting that necklace
"Faith of a mustard seed"


I asked for a sign
Who would know that it would show up
on a cloudy,gloomy day
in the spice box?

Hang in there
all will be well
all will be what's meant to be.

...go ahead let the tears fall
..why do you think God gave us tears?
they wash us out from the inside
and sometimes it takes several car washes to bring relief
but relief does come
Well, this mustard seed locket wanting little girl
believes this.

Monday, January 16, 2012

I have tried everything,
nothing has helped
I went out today to distract myself from myself
I ran into a woman whom I haven't seen in 2 years
it wasn't pretty.....what a messed up family...all I could do was listen...
then I let a man cut in front of me....he seemed in a hurry
He was grateful....he talked nonstop..then dropped his 12 pack of beer
it flew everywhere
he became very upset...the poor kid who was sent for another 12 pack
couldn't find another one
The guy went off...threatening to sue....said the casr had fallen on his foot
I said...no it didn't....it didn't hit your foot
wrong thing to say
They got him another case and took him to write out a report
I heard him say he was going to sue the beer company, too
lordie...my heart was a pounding...and I dont need any help with that
already my heart is stressed...beyond what it is able to bare
In the old days.....a crave case would have helped
but as life goes on...life gets so very complicated
and sometimes un-bearable
But I can only put one foot in front of the other
and trust there is a path

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Silent language of grief....Magpie tales # 100


Weighed down
held under
I gasp
but there isn't any air
only bubbles rising
pretending
 life
ah, we begin in salt...
and now I taste it again
 tears
that drown me

http://magpietales.blogspot.com/

"Tears are the silent language of grief." Voltaire

Celebrating 100 Magpie Tales
thanks  Tess Kincaid
for your efforts

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Miss Laguna Beach goes to art class now
she skyped me to show me her art kit
Then little guy pushed his way to the camera to show me
he could write his name
and told me he doesn't want to go to school 2 days a week
Montessori....they make him take a nap
he doesn't want to nap...he's too busy doing things..wanting to do things
ha...oh to be little again....nap...yeah that sounds good
I hate being away from them...no... my heart aches for their little arms around me
for the sound of I love you grandma in my ears
I love being a grandma
but my heart right now breaks because I am a grandma
for a little one yet not born
may never be born
but none the less, is loved
and I can't skype her

Friday, January 13, 2012

Friday, January 6, 2012



Things are back to normal.
I stocked up on cat food yesterday, cupboard full with canned and dry
always choices when it comes to my spoiled brat cats
 I would confess that Ms.Kitty O'Shea prefers Jewel rotisserie chicken,dark meat chopped fine,
but you might think me an enabler, so I won't.
I also came home with a few cat toy mouses and a squirrel feeder
!@!#@#! I know....but I love squirrels and I love birds and this feeder says that it
will keep the rascals busy so the birds can eat...I'll let you know
Then I went on to Goodwill
and found this necklace

It jingles when moved
yep, that one has my name on it
paid a buck for it
All in all a good day.




Thursday, January 5, 2012


I am out of cat food.




Ms Kitty O'Shea is near rebellion




Abigail is slipping into depression

and Boo, he tried to run away this morning.

So it is off to Petsmart
and as long as I am out....:)
maybe I'll stop at Homegoods
Goodwill
the Bible thrift store
and Hobby Lobby

I know...I'm bad

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Monday, January 2, 2012

Magpie tales # 98 Raging River

In the aftermath
I remember the destruction of your love
your torrent of  words
your irreparable erosion of  banks
your toppling of timbers
 into splinters of kindling
of despair


I could be tempted to be fooled
by the stillness of the reflection
you seek to whisper to me now
ignore the debris you left behind
travel the river of your love again
but I won't
for still waters
run deep, they say
and I ain't no fool

http://magpietales.blogspot.com/


Sunday, January 1, 2012

The garden reflected in a single drop of rain that hangs from a trellis.
Life can be so simple , so beautiful, so quiet...sometimes.
Life on our first day of this new year. It is my husband's 63rd birthday today.
A new year's baby. ...a Capricorn
We had roast beef and boiled potatoes and green beans. Simple, beautiful
and the house was quiet...a sleepy kind of lazy day.
The kids are doing their own thing having seen and spoken to their father yesterday and this morning.
After our afternoon meal we talked about age. Are we old I asked him?
I don't know about old, but I think we are considered seniors....he said as easy as a gentle rain.
Oh lordie.....not me..not us....we just started.
Then he took his tea into the other room and I sat with the cat on my lap who was purring away.
....a good life....a good year past
hopefully, God willing..a new year ahead.
What do I wish to do this year...should I set goals.....ponder desires?
Maybe. I have an itch to pick up my illustrated discovery journal and begin again,
see what changes there are in my choices...unearth those desires
maybe  I will do just that.

Reflection in a drop of rain....good start.
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