Begin Again

2012-01-27T09:23:00.001-06:00

Today, I shall dance in what is
catch its breeze in the fringe of my coat
twirl to possibilities,shining on my face
Yes, today I shall dance in what is
step my moccasins
on sadness
turn my face to the sound of eagle
lift my arms like wings

2012-01-26T11:38:00.001-06:00

I caved.....
I came home with a big handful of seed packets
I needed it
dreams of summer blooms drifting through my mind
and I always wait too long
and the morning glory heavenly blues are always the first to go
BUT HA!
this year
I got them!

4 packets
that's a lot of heavenly blue

I also got four o'clocks
My dad used to grow those in the backyard
one of the few good memories of his childhood
on the westside of Chicago-Taylor street
I have never had any luck growing them
...last year...out of all those seeds..only 4 sprouted
and guess what....the landscaper who helps me weed the front of the house
thought she was doing me a favor by going around the side of the house
and PULLED THEM OUT
..oh the tears a gardener sheds

But today..with my trusty teacup and a few garden books
and a notepad...I'm dreaming
blue

2012-01-25T08:49:00.001-06:00

I have always collected
but
I am not a collector,
except for a short period of time when
I couldn't get enough of old readers
old bottles,and lusterware teapots..(want one?)
No, my collecting began when I was first able to walk around the neighborhood
on my own....I filled my pockets with rocks and marbles
and broken pieces of anything shiny..that I found along the way
I loved adventure...and this was treasure hunting
My best finds were an old Italian coin
an arrowhead....that I retrieved out of the Fox river
a fossil of a snail in limestone that I dug out of the sand
while wading in Lake Michigan
a tiny brass pin with a flower basket on it made out of mosaic pieces
a red shooter marble
...
the only thing I still have is that pin

As I go through my closets,drawers,basement,and garage,
hoping to clear more things out,
I realize that I have always saved things that have had meaning to me

Now, I am saving every drawing that my granddaughter sends me..dating them
and placing them in a big white scrapbook

I have an old cabinet in the basement that has been opened only a few times since we moved here
17 years ago...and that cabinet moved along with us from three previous homes
dare I open it today....of course....
stuff....grand old stuff......from almost everyone that I have ever loved
Stuff that when you see it it transports you

I will be traveling today
back..to where only I can go

stuff..maybe that's why
I have saved all of these things
...for just a day as this...
when I need to go back and touch my life
touch everyone that I have loved who is gone
shed a few tears of love and longing
make room for the ones yet to come

magpie tale # 101...

2012-01-22T10:18:00.001-06:00

edward's syndrome

daughter in the womb
snug in fetal postion
as your mother weeps

http://magpietales.blogspot.com/

2012-01-21T13:04:00.000-06:00

ah...now this is winter
I took a short walk out front
I just love the sound of things in snow
so still, so silent, so muffled
just the distant sound of a snowblower
Like being in a strange land
where all is well

2012-01-20T08:43:00.000-06:00

oh, it is so cold this morning

even the cats are still curled up in the covers, not wanting to get up

I guess Iwill have to turn the heat up if they are to come down...spoiled felines

I need to do a bit of grocery shopping this morning,then I will spend the rest of the day

pouring through my garden books

yep, garden books.....have you ever visited my garden blog? http://agardenwench.blogspot.com/

Yes, I have another life

and it is this life that sustains me....

It is a bit cold to go outside....and besides...I have been eaten out of house and home...as they say..

by the birds and squirrels....I hope I find seed at the store, and don't have to

wander around looking for grub for my wards all over our town.

I had a wonderful day with my mom, seeing a movie at the library

I was the youngest one there...and I'm no youngster

Afterwards we went for a bite to eat...and I walked out without paying the bill!

Do you believe that!?!?

Once inside my car I realized this and went right back inside to pay the bill.

But I just know that our sweet young waitress took a tongue lashing from her boss

I saw it on her face........good thing I tipped her very well

I guess my mind has been other places lately

and this mistake gave me a laugh with my mother....it was wonderful

as were the photos of Finn that showed up in my email

He is coming over today...I get to kiss those checks in person

today........joy...relief

2012-01-19T10:29:00.001-06:00

I asked for joy and light
look what showed up in my mail box

...Finn

2012-01-19T10:13:00.000-06:00

I cannot live in shadows
alone

Today, I am going to spend the day with my mom
we are going to see a movie
and then maybe go for soup and bread
at our favorite little neighborhood spot
we'll speak much without saying a word
but a burden shared
is half the burden
and she has been my rock all of my life
we shall comfort each other
Love...what a grand thing

2012-01-18T09:10:00.000-06:00

Happy jack was waiting this morning
for a hand out....I love how squirrels sit up and clasp their paws together
by their chest.....their tails bushed, sometimes flipping about
as they see that you have seen them.......food!
Okay, I admit it.....I belong to the Thornton Burgess way of thinking
...can't help it...I was born with this attitude
I love fur and fin and feathers
especially in my garden...where it becomes available to me
at anytime of the day for joy,comfort and amusement
I'm already itching to garden..and we are hardly into winter
...this year I am going to makeover some areas of the garden that have gotten old
remove a deck
put up more feeders and houses
oh! this brings me such joy thinking about it
and Lord knows, I need some joy right now
and the garden is always faithful to provide
So Happy Jack......it won't be long...the peanuts are coming
...but I must reprimand you for the chew marks on the deck rail....naughty
good thing I'm planning on taking it down
ah...dreaming...another gift we humans have been given by the Master Gardener

mustard seed

2012-01-17T09:52:00.000-06:00

...When I was a small girl, I wanted a necklace like this...a mustard seed locket

My best friend had one.

I never did get it.

I was reminded of it today while searching through my spice box

for thyme and dill weed for chicken soup that I was making early this morning....

The little red capped jar just stared at me

and I was back to 4th grade wanting that necklace

"Faith of a mustard seed"

I asked for a sign
Who would know that it would show up
on a cloudy,gloomy day
in the spice box?

Hang in there
all will be well
all will be what's meant to be.

...go ahead let the tears fall
..why do you think God gave us tears?
they wash us out from the inside
and sometimes it takes several car washes to bring relief
but relief does come
Well, this mustard seed locket wanting little girl
believes this.

2012-01-16T15:44:00.002-06:00

I have tried everything,
nothing has helped
I went out today to distract myself from myself
I ran into a woman whom I haven't seen in 2 years
it wasn't pretty.....what a messed up family...all I could do was listen...
then I let a man cut in front of me....he seemed in a hurry
He was grateful....he talked nonstop..then dropped his 12 pack of beer
it flew everywhere
he became very upset...the poor kid who was sent for another 12 pack
couldn't find another one
The guy went off...threatening to sue....said the casr had fallen on his foot
I said...no it didn't....it didn't hit your foot
wrong thing to say
They got him another case and took him to write out a report
I heard him say he was going to sue the beer company, too
lordie...my heart was a pounding...and I dont need any help with that
already my heart is stressed...beyond what it is able to bare
In the old days.....a crave case would have helped
but as life goes on...life gets so very complicated
and sometimes un-bearable
But I can only put one foot in front of the other
and trust there is a path

Silent language of grief....Magpie tales # 100

2012-01-15T11:18:00.002-06:00

Weighed down

held under

I gasp

but there isn't any air

only bubbles rising

pretending
life

ah, we begin in salt...

and now I taste it again

tears

that drown me

http://magpietales.blogspot.com/

"Tears are the silent language of grief." Voltaire

Celebrating 100 Magpie Tales
thanks Tess Kincaid
for your efforts

2012-01-14T08:47:00.000-06:00

Miss Laguna Beach goes to art class now
she skyped me to show me her art kit
Then little guy pushed his way to the camera to show me
he could write his name
and told me he doesn't want to go to school 2 days a week
Montessori....they make him take a nap
he doesn't want to nap...he's too busy doing things..wanting to do things
ha...oh to be little again....nap...yeah that sounds good
I hate being away from them...no... my heart aches for their little arms around me
for the sound of I love you grandma in my ears
I love being a grandma
but my heart right now breaks because I am a grandma
for a little one yet not born
may never be born
but none the less, is loved
and I can't skype her

2012-01-13T10:07:00.000-06:00

caught
stuck
held

2012-01-06T14:17:00.000-06:00

Things are back to normal.
I stocked up on cat food yesterday, cupboard full with canned and dry
always choices when it comes to my spoiled brat cats
I would confess that Ms.Kitty O'Shea prefers Jewel rotisserie chicken,dark meat chopped fine,
but you might think me an enabler, so I won't.
I also came home with a few cat toy mouses and a squirrel feeder
!@!#@#! I know....but I love squirrels and I love birds and this feeder says that it
will keep the rascals busy so the birds can eat...I'll let you know
Then I went on to Goodwill
and found this necklace

It jingles when moved
yep, that one has my name on it
paid a buck for it
All in all a good day.

2012-01-05T08:21:00.000-06:00

I am out of cat food.

Ms Kitty O'Shea is near rebellion

Abigail is slipping into depression

and Boo, he tried to run away this morning.

So it is off to Petsmart
and as long as I am out....:)

maybe I'll stop at Homegoods

Goodwill

the Bible thrift store

and Hobby Lobby

I know...I'm bad

Magpie tales # 98 Raging River

2012-01-02T11:07:00.000-06:00

In the aftermath
I remember the destruction of your love
your torrent of words
your irreparable erosion of banks
your toppling of timbers
into splinters of kindling
of despair

I could be tempted to be fooled
by the stillness of the reflection
you seek to whisper to me now
ignore the debris you left behind
travel the river of your love again
but I won't
for still waters
run deep, they say
and I ain't no fool

http://magpietales.blogspot.com/

2012-01-01T18:49:00.002-06:00

The garden reflected in a single drop of rain that hangs from a trellis.
Life can be so simple , so beautiful, so quiet...sometimes.
Life on our first day of this new year. It is my husband's 63rd birthday today.
A new year's baby. ...a Capricorn
We had roast beef and boiled potatoes and green beans. Simple, beautiful
and the house was quiet...a sleepy kind of lazy day.
The kids are doing their own thing having seen and spoken to their father yesterday and this morning.
After our afternoon meal we talked about age. Are we old I asked him?
I don't know about old, but I think we are considered seniors....he said as easy as a gentle rain.
Oh lordie.....not me..not us....we just started.
Then he took his tea into the other room and I sat with the cat on my lap who was purring away.
....a good life....a good year past
hopefully, God willing..a new year ahead.
What do I wish to do this year...should I set goals.....ponder desires?
Maybe. I have an itch to pick up my illustrated discovery journal and begin again,
see what changes there are in my choices...unearth those desires
maybe I will do just that.

Reflection in a drop of rain....good start.

2011-12-31T22:38:00.000-06:00

The sun peeked out early this morning while I was washing the breakfast dishes.
Just outside my window are some white pines. One winter morning, about 3 years ago, I was doing the same thing,looking out of the window while doing dishes....and there in the pines were 3 long-eared owls.

This morning I thought of them,
in fact, every winter morning I think of them...please come back...
I hope in my heart....but they have never returned.
I went for my camera to take a walk outside in the garden
to think a bit..to feel the sun on my face
But by time I got on my coat, found my camera and grabbed the bag of sunflower seeds
to fill the feeder...the sunlight had disappeared behind a sky of clouds
..so fast...in an instant...the light was gone...the sun had hidden its face
and the day looked different to me...and my anticipation waned
The deck boards were wet and the hulls of yesterdays seeds stuck to them like
debris....and the path was muddy and in some places squishy
and paper had blown around my beds...not a pretty sight
The temperature was pretty mild for the 31st of December
I remember some New Year's Eves it was almost 0
As I finished my walk around the yard, I looked up and saw the sunlight
trying desperately to break through
and I felt a rush of gladness.....the sun is always there even when I can't see it
I remembered the days of my youth sitting at the beach on a cloudy day...going home burnt to crisp
yes the sun is powerful and a constant of the day whether I see it or not
2011 is leaving....may your days be sunny...even when you can't see its light
may it warm you with its rising faithfully throughout this new year
and for Uma:

NOTES FROM THE OTHER SIDE
...Jane Kenyon

I divested myself of despair
and fear when I came here.

Now there is no more catching
one's own eye in the mirror,

there are no bad books, no plastic,
no insurance premiums, and of course

no illness. Contrition
does not exist, nor gnashing

of teeth. No one howls as the first
clod of earth hits the casket.

The poor we no longer have with us.
Our calm hearts strike only the hour,

and God ,as promised, proves
to be mercy clothed in light.

I wish you all a blessed New Year
full of love and peace

They say the gift to give is land....lakefront? :)

2011-12-30T08:41:00.001-06:00

I turned 61 recently

Last year I turned that decade of 60 and the earth didn't fall away

and the sun still came up, glorious as ever

And now, today, it is our 41st anniversary

Well I have to tell you ...that number- 41- looks good

youthful

Wish I had turned 41....the things I would do differently

If I had only known I could have.

Wonderful thing...knowledge

Last night I wrote down the things I wanted to let go of

I almost forgot to do this as I was hooked on watching Project Runway marathon

yes, I can be shallow....actually I say this is balance

I used to drink a glass of wine while doing this...now at 61...meds

sucks

Anyway....the first thing I did was to light the fire,then I sat and stared at it

thinking of all the loss I experienced this year and of the sorrow I felt for so many friends

who lost greatly

Take care of them God......and then I tossed this into the fire

Next I thought about the failures .... even at my age...failure

......and this I tossed into the fire

and of course I had to think of the times I couldn't keep my mouth shut

and said that extra word...sometimes words that stung just right...but so wrong

this I don't do often.....I have learned this lesson mostly...but even I can be pushed

even I stand on ice and stomp......this I threw into the fire with much repentance

and then there are the goals I failed to reach...

and the hurt I had to free...to depower

and of course the ordinary weight of things like:

the failures in the garden

the drawers and closets I failed to clear out completely

the dinners I failed to host

the exercise I let slip away

the friends I failed to see

the novel I haven't finished

the poems that I failed to write down

the books..oh the books I haven't finished

so much to let go of

burn the regret

For tomorrow... I welcome in a new year

and a new start.... begin it with a happy heart

not a heart weighed down by life

clean clean clean

clear clear clear

A swept heart is ready for opportunity

to love, to live, to laugh, to give,to see joy

to have a kind word

a kind smile

a comforting manner

a compassionate hand

A swept heart is always ready

Glad I swept mine last night....

Now to enjoy my anniversary.....

and my husband's whistle clean heart

joy

2011-12-29T08:17:00.000-06:00

It was a blue sky with whispers of pink that I awoke to,
how magnificient
So moved was I by this painting above that I stepped outside to stand under it
to look up and get lost in thought about its beauty
and then my neighbor dragged out his garbage cans
disturbing my joy
he waved
I pointed to the sky
he looked up and smiled,certain he had not seen what I was pointing to
It is a cultivated thing
this wu wei way of living
going with the flow of things,unpurposefully
becoming
Soon the pink gave way to gold rays
and I heard a school bus' squealing breaks just beyond my vision
and the moment was gone

Yesterday I spent the day putting away the christmas things
intent on focusing on the new year ahead
I used to belong to a group of women that I met with at this time of year
we would get together to talk about the year past
its regrets,its mistakes,its sadness
its failures....we would write them all on paper
then we would light a fire and toss them in
watch them vanish....begin a new year ...wiped clean
That is what I am going to do today....write these things down and in the evening
I will toss them in into the fire... and begin again
there is no other way
but this....begin again

Blaze...Magpie tale #96

2011-12-27T16:02:00.000-06:00

how deeply she sought

so deeply that she got lost

in diamonds,tycoons

a baseball hero,

and other women's husbands

burning her life's light

in sex and drugs

until crash and burn

leaving a debris field

as large as life

her legacy a gouge in American life

36 years long

and she never even liked the name

Marilyn

http://magpietales.blogspot.com

2011-12-24T10:19:00.000-06:00

Christmas was always Christmas Eve
to us growing up
Mom was busy all day
dad sharpened the carving knife and got out the chairs
my brothers and I could hardly contain our excitement
for that night we knew the magic of Christmas happened
when we dressed in our costumes for the Nativity pageant
and the church was filled with wonder
candles all aglow everywhere
and the real 12 foot Christmas trees on each side of the altar
were decked out in large ornaments that dazzled our little hearts
and then the organ would play and Christmas became so real
a celebration and remembrance of the Christ child's birth
and as a little girl I remember
my heart swelling with tenderness
and a tear would sit at the rims of my eyes
so happy was I to be there
and then home....
a made dash to the tree
to see what Santa had brought
As the rest of the family merried around the house
One eve every year that was wonder incarnate
Merry Christmas
and to those who wait until Christmas Day
may your tomorrow be joyful
And to those who do not celebrate Christmas
may your day today and tomorrow be filled with light and joy
for it is a day which the Lord has given
blessings to you all
my blogger friends
and Happy Hanukkah

2011-12-21T21:10:00.000-06:00

hunting

2011-12-21T08:23:00.001-06:00

On a whim, with a heart full of whimsy

I headed to our local thrift store

I needed to hunt

I have a method when I go there

First the glassware

I love old glasses

then I wind my way to the back to the old furniture

and finally I take a glance at the junk room of misc

but I savor the best for last

the BOOKS

I always know

when someone has died recently

when they have cleaned out someones house...
they come in droves...that's how I got a Ms swanson collection of books on Van Gogh

Such was yesterday's stash of cookbooks..no name in any of them

Gold in dem dare woods

So with a nod of respect for the former owner

I grabbed a few and sat and looked through them

I look for the ones that have writing in them

I cherish these.....I found this one on leftovers

Not only did "she" write in it...noting favorites

but she had stashed numerous articles of recipes from old magazines

joy....I paid my $1 and headed home

along with a few other pieces of stuff that spoke to me

Don't you just love folded corners on a cookbook

a map of sorts

Whoever you were......know that I found your map

and I will indeed

Try this

after all you did mark it

very good

2011-12-19T21:57:00.000-06:00

Done.
Now to sit back
relax
enjoy
the magic of light

2011-12-19T13:32:00.001-06:00

Shadow Man...Magpietale # 96

2011-12-18T10:02:00.000-06:00

I found this photo in a locked box

shoved in the back of my father's bureau.

I recognized the watch right away....he left it to my oldest son

and the raincoat was my mother's.

But who was the man standing, arms crossed protectively

over his chest,long black hair hitting his shoulders in a perky flip?

my father...my father...my father

The shadow

of the man

I never knew

It was locked away

locked away

....locked away

http://magpietales.blogspot.com

2011-12-17T09:58:00.000-06:00

2011-12-16T21:58:00.000-06:00

This photo was in our local PAWS shelter newsletter

Perked up my day

Now I hope someone sees a kitty in the clouds

just to keep it even

2011-12-14T14:33:00.000-06:00

IT IS ONE OF THOSE DAYS...

ever have one?

when you fear saying the wrong thing

to the wrong person

at the wrong time

but you wished you could......!

A day when you can hear the very ice that you stand on

crack?

Have you ever had one of those days

when you just go ahead anyway

and stomp away

watch the crack spread like screeching fingers under your feet

...watch yourself slip

into the abyss....

and it felt good

despite everything?

Well

I'M having one of those days

magpie tale #95

2011-12-11T19:16:00.000-06:00

This morning, on my way into the hospital, I saw a hawk swoop down, talons out.

He dropped onto the ground

wings spread

and just as quickly, I saw him ascend into the large burr oak,

rabbit dangling from his claws

and I cried inside for the end of this life

even knowing it brought life to another

I despise pain...especially in others

I felt as helpless as a man sunk in sand up to his armpits

Rescue boat in sight

sand swirling around me drawing me in deeper

http://magpietales.blogspot.com/

2011-12-10T23:18:00.000-06:00

still on the mend

gripper socks for now

no tie

2011-12-06T08:38:00.001-06:00

I remember very clearly the day I went over to my grandpa's house one December
expecting to see a Christmas tree in his tiny living room all decked out
in large colored lights,tinsel of the lead kind,and wonderful old glass and paper ornaments
I was shocked to see that it wasn't there.
"I'm tired of putting it up.." he said
Tired? of Christmas?
What will Christmas be without a well decorated tree??
And he never did put another one up.
Tradition......woe......gone in an instant and he had not a clue how this broke my heart
I just accepted it
Well, this year.....I had a flash of understanding
I was thinking of not putting up the tree....I do it all by myself..put up-take down
I'm tired and unfocused this year and we were not going to entertain at our house this year
(thank you daughters)
But my husband gave me a sideways glance when I told him all of this
So....being able to read his thoughts, and remembering that as a child he had none of that...I decided to put them up....two trees..despite myself
And low and behold.....we not only are celebrating Christmas here (a tad early)
but also 3 birthdays...and an anniversary
all because my husband unexpectedly had to have some work
done on his heart last week and more tomorrow...
....not his emotional, loving heart...the muscle heart
he needed a good plumber

So there it was....a wonderful cheery Christmas tree and a nativity
and a house jammed with family and precious grandchildren
sharing...a comforting tradition
a reality that who knows if we all will gather next year
or ever again

I thought I had this lesson well learned

...but I wasn't going to put up the tree
lesson put before me again
glad I did
and all because of that one glance

magpie tale #94.....

2011-12-05T12:34:00.001-06:00

I watched as she glanced up and stared at herself in the lunchroom mirror,a brief realization

of self, and then she looked away downward, biting into her sandwich. She becoming one with the rest of the humans passing life away eating their lunch, lost somewhere in thought. Maybe they know that their fellow comrades in this endeavor are suffering loss,disillusionment,want,heartbreak or loneliness, and they have not one ounce of concern left to give to them, for their own plate at this meal of the spirit is full of fear and regret and a mounting heap of unpaid bills. Who has nourishment to share when ones own cupboard has only a morsel of dried bread?

The occasional sounds of shifting waxed paper or the crushing of a paper bag are the only interruptions that bring a brief respite from all this gloom. I feel like an interloper as I scan the room looking for interaction of any kind...an opportunity to break into their solitary worlds..to ask if there is a Mr. Cronin in the room. No one looks up,and I am glad that he is not here...or if he is...I won't be the one to tell him that his wife has passed away. As I ask one more time...the woman that I saw look into the mirror for a brief second... looks up another brief second at me..then looks back down. I think she knows something, but she prefers the world she was in.

http://magpietales.blogspot.com/

#94

2011-12-05T08:52:00.000-06:00

Amazed... how well we speak without words
it is in a smile, in a hug held just a second longer
than before,
it is in the quiet laughter at what little miss does...
little miss who thinks she is here for her 5th birthday,
it is in the extra hands that clear the table,
it is in the glances at dad as he sleeps quietly on the sofa
during the Bears game
Speaking without words
how did we learn it?
this
powerful language of the heart

2011-12-03T08:47:00.000-06:00

You made it happen
with your heart
a gathering of us all,
an unexpected flight home
We celebrated an anticipation
of another
we celebrated a milestone of a 2nd and 5th year,
and year 61
because of your heart we gathered
to acknowledge 41 years of being together
and someone's car broke down
and a tooth got knocked loose
and a foot cut
but because of your heart
we experienced this together
helping and caring for each other
the bond of family grew closer
and we saw that it could actually get closer
and we saw our granddaughter pray
and we saw them all together on the stairs
playing and sharing most of the time
because of your heart
all this happened
so suddenly
I'm glad you paid attention
and went to the ER
so all this could happen

We celebrated your beating heart

Discarded... joy

2011-11-28T09:52:00.000-06:00

Like a spring tulip, the discarded couch seemed to grow out of the dirty sidewalk

a bit of unintended joy on a city street

Many passed by,stopped to look at it, but kept walking

Even the street people seemed to be awed by its pinkness

Not used to seeing joy, they were confused by it

no one daring to be the first to claim it for the night

No, it stayed against the underpass wall, its feet planted in concrete

a shrine of the discarded

http://magpietales.blogspot.com

#93

2011-11-24T22:37:00.000-06:00

Hope you all had a wonderful day

me?.....I did
and now it is goodnight...sleep tight
see you in the morning

2011-11-24T09:21:00.000-06:00

Boo

2011-11-23T09:09:00.001-06:00

After rolling in catnip....a morning treat

Boo looked up to the patio door and spotted the stray kitty

who was eating a dish of tuna that I had put out for him while Boo was high

Now, in this altered state, Boo was looking for a rumble

oh yeah, he scared that interloper, that cad, outside on his deck.

Why... that kitty just shook in his puss n boots,

finished eating, and turned and left.

.....and Boo thought....yeah,I'm bad.

Magpie tale # 92.......

2011-11-22T09:38:00.001-06:00

So into their love

they forgot they had children

and the children never learned

to have what they had,

but they searched all their loves

to fill that bucket that had no bottom

http://magpietales.blogspot.com

#92

2011-11-19T10:38:00.001-06:00

I was taught as a child to pray without ceasing

As a child I was guided by my teachers to not put prayer to an hour of the day

or to use it just in times of disaster,pain,wants,needs, loneliness or sorrow

no...prayer is a continuous communion with God

and it has been for all my life.....

So gratefulness is easy ....counting my blessings is like breathing

I am never without a listener....who knows before I speak

I am grateful that most Americans set aside this day to gather with their families

or with their friends or animals to stop and think of what blessings they have in their lives

A day to not count the lack

but to gladly bow their heads and say thank you

My daughter, Sarah, and her husband are doing the cooking this year

thank you

I will be making pies and a pumpkin cheesecake

I got off easy

So get out your notebooks,journals, scratch-paper

I am grateful for.....

2011-11-17T16:00:00.001-06:00

It is quiet in the house and I am about to make a small supper for my husband.

The sun is setting so wonderfully just outside the kitchen window,cheering me to a warmth

of being. A purple finch is perched on the horsechestnut tree sunning himself...kindred spirit.

In the early years my husband and I were as poor as churchmice. We ate simply then,

and we eat simply now. One of his favorites is meatballs, rice and corn. I know...a bit too much starch,but it is one of those meals that brings a smile on his face when he lifts the lid.

His smiles have always been important. I am blessed with a partner who is grateful.

So as I mix the ground meat with breadcrumbs,seasoning,egg and onion

...I feel like the bird on the twig outside

...happy

how quickly they grow

2011-11-15T18:25:00.001-06:00

just bragging a little

boo hoo I miss them

#91 magpie tales

2011-11-15T10:29:00.001-06:00

Life is a minefield of choices,

often opposites facing each other.

It is with foggy vision that we trust

and sit or

keep going on ,fumbling and stumbling through.

And sometimes we run out of chairs and the music stops

and we have to sit on the only chair

that is left

http://magpietales.blogspot.com/

2011-11-09T13:52:00.002-06:00

his name carved in stone

the maple leaves turned scarlet

there's death and there's death

http://magpietales.blogspot.com

#90

2011-11-04T21:47:00.002-05:00

typewriter and desk

a stack of crumbled paper

the frustration room

http://magpietales.blogspot.com

#89

2011-11-02T10:55:00.001-05:00

Harvest

comes in many ways

even without our knowing

and for this I give thanks

so much done for me

and mine without our merit

it is only grace

and mystery

reflection is a B

2011-10-25T15:31:00.000-05:00

glass ,mirror, window
yesterday, now, tomorrow
a reflection stew

http://magpietales.blogspot.com

Magpie Tale #88

2011-10-20T18:38:00.000-05:00

this time humans won

ducks hung like war prisoners

some pigs more equal

http://magpietales.blogspot.com

magpie tale #87

2011-10-19T17:18:00.004-05:00

I have been so busy this week....all good things

and now...right now....their flight has landed from Laguna Beach, California

It is cold and very windy in Chicago

wind gusst of 50-60 mph

I hope they've brought their coats....

In kid life it has been ages since I last saw them..so many changes I'm sure

and my heart is swelling so much it hurts...I swear it does

it pinches with delight....in about an hour they will be here

How I have missed them

Are You Talkin' to Me?

2011-10-10T18:04:00.001-05:00

Magpietale #86

http://magpietales.blogspot.com

When I awoke the room was illuminated by the harsh light of the overhead fixture dangling above the table in my one room cold water flat. A third floor cold water flat. I was still here. How could this be? I had eaten an entire king-sized bag of Gummy Bears...surely this should have been enough to end my misery, my pitiful existence.
But low and behold, on my kitchen table,on my folded New York Times, stood a tiny plump king with a royal red velvet robe and scepter that he held behind his back.
"Are you quite finished now,trying to off yourself with Gummy Bears?" I heard him ask.
I rubbed my eyes in disbelief and blinked to make sure that he was still there and not a remnant of my fractured mind. "Are you talkin' to me?" I stammered.
He motioned with the finger on his right finger while still holding the scepter in his left. First, he pointed to his chest,then he pointed two fingers to his eyes,and finally he pointed one finger right back to me.
"I'm watching you. Now, I want you to drink of this cup of hot coco. Do you know what you would have missed if you were successful at offing yourself?"
"No," I said sipping from the cup.
"Here,"put on these bunny slippers, your feet must be cold from all that sugar."
"Sure," I said,slipping them over my Batman socks. "What would I have missed?" I continued asking while blowing on my cup of hot coco.
"The end of the world."
I just sat there and looked at this tiny despot standing on my newspaper. "Oh, that's funny," I said, then flicked the little guy off of my newspaper and into the black void of the room. Suddenly,everything went into total darkness and images of my life flashed before me like lightening strikes.In the distance I could hear a howl ever increasing in decibels...coming from all corners of my flat. Everything turned upside down and furniture slammed to the ground and I knew not up from down.
"Little King,Little King...save me!" I yelled into the abyss surrounding me.
"Are you ready to grow up? That is the price."
"Yes,yes, I'll grow up."
"No more gummy Bears to push down the pain?"
"No,no more Gummy Bears, I promise."
"Okay then,follow me...and a brilliant light opened up and I felt myself rising and dipping in waves of blue and I slipped under them, and as they separated,I tumbled over and over until I landed in a garden,naked as a jaybird and some guy leaned over me and breathed into my nostrils the breath of life ....and I became a living soul.

BUTT-ler

2011-10-07T09:08:00.000-05:00

Oh my,
what I did yesterday...
What a wonderful afternoon
spending time with girlfriends
who are die-hard romantics
watching THIS movie
swoon
We took a vote
we all would have chosen the phantom
(based on abs and rear)
and that red outfit
Did I mention
that we are known to be shallow on some things?

It is hard sometimes to make plans
to get together....everyone having to be here or there
but we insist on it from time to time
and my wonderful friend, Karen,
is a fabulous cook....and she has the biggest TV
so she graciously hosts our gatherings
Bless her
What would a woman's life be
without girlfriends?
I don't want to know.

2011-10-04T08:59:00.000-05:00

I made a promise to myself that I will fully embrace
the coming seasons...no regret...no looking back...no longing held onto
I will jump right in and enjoy the things of THIS season
and her in Illinois we are lucky to have seasons.....in their entirety
My son prefers mild changes in season....like tis a bit chilly to sunbathe on the deck today
My husband and I were talking last night about how as children we experienced the seasons so much more,
why was that?
It was tactile. We walked everywhere.
Even when it rained....which it did often in spring...but we splashed in puddles and carried our little umbrellas while observing bushes on our way... open up with fragrant flowers..more beautiful each day...and birds singing in the trees.... and longer days of daylight
And I loved it when the sparrows gathered in a nicely clipped bush chattering away building condo nests...a heavenly sound to my little ears
In summer we sweated in the hot sun playing outside...we got dirty....we cooled off with the hose and lemonade
we chased around and climbed trees and waded through creeks..we got wet in the lake and had sand in our toes....
In Fall we raked leaves and jumped in piles of them...we inhaled the wonderful smell of them burning...
We had to put on wonderful warm sweaters and ate homemade soup....walking home from school was a delight for the senses.....brilliant colors of crimson and gold leaves twirled around us as we made our way home.... thoughts of the upcoming day of endless candy...what would we be?....a princess, a cowboy, a hobo,a ghost,a witch,....Dracula?...whichever one it was it was homemade. And going to Lutheran school we were directed to the historical facts of the Reformation
95 thesis nailed to the church door
scripture,faith and grace alone
A Mighty Fortress is our God sung over and over
endless rehearsals for Reformation service
I look back on that part of fall fondly....shocks many people that I do
I never experienced church as oppressive
only joyful....though it did interfere with candy begging on the 31st of October
But that is another topic.....I only wish to express how much season played a part
in my life as a child

I think I'll take a long walk today
observe the season as it unfolds before me
It is going to be warm and sunny today
but the leaves have quickly turned colors and are already falling
the geese are forming v patterns above and are honking
the robins are quickly bathing for their long trip
and eating a lot of berries.....the hawk has returned to the garden
and the yard birds are waiting outside my window begging for a nash
in the feeders
I better get out there
soon there will be other things
of another season...and I don't want to miss any of it

a walk down Ravenswood

2011-10-03T09:39:00.004-05:00

We went to an artwalk yesterday....beautiful day for it
good to get outside and explore
There was this poster that struck me as funny...being on a healthy program
yeah, I should think of food as art....savoring every last morsel
presentation emphasis

This wall with ivy stretching across and up it was a delight for the wee artist in me

as was this street scene of parents
I love the look on the baby's face while his father is intense
busy creating art on the sidewalk with chalk.....

All in all a wonderful day with family
I came home with some wonderful pieces of re-purposed jewelry
and Finn came home with a wee chair purchased by grandpa

which he quickly used to sit and listen to the band

Trunk Down

2011-10-02T10:33:00.004-05:00

http://magpietales.blogspot.com #85

There are times I wish to say

Cross that bridge when you come to it

and other times I just wade

into rippling waves not fearing the drop off

but then this real thing happens and it could be

devastating if I ignore it

or push down its seriousness

All these burdens

being a grown up

old woman even

You would think by now life's choices

would be simple and divine

that I could wear purple when ever I please

but life is not a haiku or a short story

that you can direct...edit..or delete

Ah, if only this elephant would sprout wings

and fly

2011-10-01T10:19:00.003-05:00

glory goes on all around us

even on an ordinary street

in an ordinary suburb

behold

no,no,no

2011-09-30T08:37:00.003-05:00

Sometimes things you see

give you thrill

color, form,texture

I spent the day with Finn

We explored his tiny city yard

...and found so much to thrill us

like stones and shells and spiders

no no no he said to the spiders

no touch

While he played with his trains

I observed the fence...

thoughts of writing on my mind

The two images on the fence gave me a chill

not a thrill

one life, one death

You think you can control your writing

maybe that is true for seasoned writers.

As I type, the writing is going on in my head

and I have a sense that I will go there

But who knows......

only the keyboard does and the mind

I've put the story in a drawer to stew

along with the others

I think I'll go back to something light

like the ghost story ...it's been stewing for months

It should be interesting to see what the characters have been up to while I was absent

Fear

2011-09-29T08:39:00.003-05:00

I've been working on a story that takes place at a church carnival.
There are two girls who meet up with their old priest who now sits in a dunk tank.
One girl holds a secret about the old priest and a child.
My writing friend is pushing me to go full out dark...write to the edge
I don't think I want to dwell there, in that darkness
unless I somehow make it supernatural.....unreal
The thought of a child being harmed or murdered or held captive
is bone chilling to me
I know I could write it...but do I want to travel there?

Has anyone stood in such a crossroad in a story they were writing?

Kid jep has never been anything I would want to read
so why this path... that has led me here?
to the greatest of fears
I would like your input..... from readers and writers alike

2011-09-26T09:59:00.001-05:00

#84

inculcation fails

her agreement must be kept

crow collects the debt

http://magpietales.blogspot.com

2011-09-24T10:57:00.000-05:00

I read the book Simple Abundance, by Sarah Ban Breathnach

about 20 times

each time drawing something different out of it

But the one thing that stayed constant was her

call to make an Illustrated Discovery Journal

a sort of scrapbook journal where "you created

a visual autobiography of your authentic self

by crafting collages that reflected

your long-forgotten passions and preferences"

I have several of these, and each one reveals

progress and change

The photo above,from a long forgotten ad in a magazine,has become a visual mantra to me:

warrior woman

Does it matter that I started too late (55) to look like a buff 25 yr old?

does it matter that I fell off of the wagon of practice many times?

does it matter that it is getting harder to lift those weights?

no.

I am a warrior

for myself...the only warrior that counts

and yes, I have had to begin again

even in the last few weeks

but the woman in the photo inspires me

NOT A QUITTER

a warrior woman

2 more pounds banished

blood pressure (with new meds) down

LDL.....well, let's not throw a wet blanket on my party

but I'm working on lowering it

cheers on this beautiful day of Autumn

listening to music too early in the morning

2011-09-23T08:36:00.000-05:00

like so many leaves

some dreams just fell to the earth

succumbed to season

...to trust our heaviness

2011-09-22T10:35:00.002-05:00

from Rilke's Book of Hours:

Wenn etwas mir vom Fenster fallt

How surely gravity's law,

strong as an ocean current,

takes hold of even the smallest thing

and pulls it toward the heart of the world.

Each thing-

each stone,blossom,child-

is held in place.

Only we, in our arrogance,

push out beyond what we each belong to

for some empty freedom.

If we surrendered

to earth's intelligence

we could rise up rooted,like trees.

Instead we entangle ourselves

in knots of our own making

and struggle, lonely and confused.

So like children, we begin again

to learn from the things,

because they are in God's heart;

they have never left him.

This is what the things can teach us:

to fall,

patiently to trust our heaviness.

Even a bird has to do that

before it can fly.

Serpent of Notes/ Magpie #83

2011-09-21T15:49:00.001-05:00

a prompt from Tess, at Willow Manor

Notes

I saw his shadowy form and was afraid,
listened as he played a reed,
watched as serpents slid out of trees,
out of water,wrapped themselves
around his naked darkness.
The light of night hung in the sky behind him
illuminating a path under his feet.
I stood in the sound, wanting to be like it.
The serpent of notes plunged into my ears,
calling me to my belly to crawl to him
who played what I desired
...an apple at his feet

http://magpietales.blogspot.com

Autumn writes

2011-09-21T09:19:00.001-05:00

Autumn tree branches

ancient language sillouette

colbalt sky parchment

As Autumn approaches
I am able to see more script against the evening sky
words of the Hawthorne,willow,oak,maple
words illuminated by the sun setting in the distance
moments of spirit

Kitty O'Shea

2011-09-14T14:24:00.005-05:00

I'm back to my writing group...another good thing about Fall.
Last week we were given a prompt to write about.....1200 wc
about a public argument. I finished it. It's called, Seeing Red
Cathartic,actually. Felt good.
This is Ms.Kitty O'Shea, boss kitty of the house
she finally stopped walking across my keyboard and settled down on the bed next to me.

Will she ever give up her dream of becoming a writer?
I wonder.

2011-09-13T19:44:00.002-05:00

They got me.

I bought it.

Maybe I will find something to relate to in this magazine.

I am on a fitness journey

I am choosing healthy and complex foods

I want to look good

So I laid down my money and walked out of the food store

with a cart full of veggies and chicken and eggs

and some nuts and vitamins

When I got home I made myself some slim yoga tea

The house was quiet, the sun was pouring in, I had two kitties next to me

competing for an ear rub,and I flipped open the pages of opportunity

for better living...some sage advice on how I could live better

feel better, look better

I flipped the page....

Okay...I can see myself in that hat...sort of

not exactly..lets read on Susan

Oh, flip

I hit the bed and am out in 10 seconds

just ask my husband :)

ooo..she's cute....I wear glasses

hmmm.did a male write this one?

who wears mom jeans....not me

hmm.now we're talking

I have always wanted to get my hands on pair of those russian kettles

mmmm...such wonderful advertisement

I'm liking this magazine

yes I can....could...wanted to

I'm good at the child's pose

what?

there aren't enough roads

maybe next year.....it's inspiring

to read

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh???!

that kind of girl's night in

I don't do rearranging :)

yes, they are right

glad I bought the magazine

Besides, I'm a sucker for a good ad
and I am going to work very hard at getting into that hat

Women's Health....buy it at your newsstand now

The Revenant haiku Magpie tale # 82

2011-09-12T08:17:00.001-05:00

Andrew Wyeth

the revenant

spirit in daytime

sooty stained walls of the soul

paint exorcism

http://magpietales.blogspot.com

2011-09-10T21:10:00.000-05:00

2011-09-10T09:08:00.000-05:00

This is from google images

not my scale...though I wished it was

even with the chubby toes...if only I weighed 120 again

But I do have good news

my number on the scale has gone down

4 lbs since last Friday

whoo hoo

I am struggling with hypertension...will see the doctor again on Monday

another med, I'm sure

But it's really the clothes that I love that I cannot button around my

bazoomies and all the other clothes that don't fit just right or not at all

Darn, I worked so hard getting into them 5 years ago

What happened?

I know where it began......I lost my beloved trainer

nuts that he was

But he worked me harder than I have ever worked before

no mercy

no excuses

This is not a TEA PARTY he used to tell me

move

Well,his personal life took a very bad turn and he was gone

I tried to find another trainer.....but no one was him

no one......nutso and all

I did the reformer for years

and yoga....

I stayed flexible...but it was the free weights and other taxing things that did the job

and the strenuous 3 day a week full body work out that did it

and walking an hour a day and being disciplined about my diet.....especially carbs

What happened?

Inch by inch it happened

ounce by ounce

I almost gave into my old lifestyle

But, I gave myself a good talking to

and said....JUMP!

So here I am.....4 measly pounds lighter

and working out again

3 days a week.....trying to be my own Dave the trainer

but it's the beauty I'm after

it is important to me to be beautiful

this is not a shallow goal

and it took me years to figure this one out

I've kept the outside beauty ...the changes

but inside I was losing my own standard

I was not true to myself

so it's off to getting back into those clothes

and gorgeous shoes

and jingling with my bracelets on toned arms

Ah...if feels good to be back full steam

Oh, and thank you to all you wonderful blogger friends

for your encouragement

Jj......I like your eating pattern

Dr. Meeta...... very good advice

Dar...it is a struggle isn't it girl, but that is not an excuse

we're really tough broads..now we need to be our own warriors

and Teri.....oh my ...bless you for your helpful words

it is our health too...really formost.....but for me it is taping into

my desire that does it for me...fuels my engine to live well

let's check in with each other

2011-09-08T21:52:00.001-05:00

Losing weight is one of our punishments handed down to us from that lousy Adam and Eve's first boo boo in that lovely garden...I just know it
Sucks....big time
Did you ever wonder why one weekend of thoughtless eating can pack lbs on
and yet, one weekend of watching every crumb that goes into your mouth does not even move that darn scale one ounce! I think science should look into this contradiction
There are many ways to accomplish weight loss
mostly it's eat less move more
but that's not all of it...truly it is not

And have you ever noticed that when you start watching the food that goes into your mouth...your mind starts to be obsessed with cooking and recipes and cookbooks!
Get thee behind me Satan.....oh yeah,,,,,that snake

But I am dwelling in possibilites
like getting back into my fabulous leather jackets
and my little jingly belts
and my red high heel shoes.......did you know that you can gain weight in your feet.......rotten serpent!
So I will go to sleep tonight
with that thing that perches in my heart
that thingy with wings....

Magpie #81

2011-09-07T18:19:00.002-05:00

Thanks to Tess for always offering interesting photo prompts

a broken axle

mud washed up around a tire

life passes quickly

http://magpietales.blogspot.com

abandoned barn junk

long gone the cries of children

the silence of wood

2011-09-07T08:47:00.001-05:00

I had a wonderful weekend of blue skies, sweet corn, friends,wonderful naps,and of course looking at the junk store

This beautiful warbler hit the window

and I finally went and held it in my cupped hand

until it recovered....then placed it in the lilac bush

our spirits communicated

I saw this sign in front of the yarn shop and thought of

all my knit wit blogger friends

This a look at the objects I saw the treasured junk shop

This a photo looking into the window

from the outside

Okay...what did I find?

It's a good thing I purged so much

from my life the last few weeks

opening a place for these

They will stay in Galena with the rest of the pottery

I find on our road trips through Iowa and Wisconsin

Soon it will be Fall Fests

with pumpkins and apples and fresh baked cherry pies

one can hardly keep ones heart quiet

2011-09-02T19:53:00.001-05:00

Everyone is scattering their own way
this weekend
So me and the hunk
are going to Galena.....for some much needed quiet and dark skies
I hope to visit my favorite junk shop
I just love me that junk shop
especially the owner...he is so knowledgeable about so many things
and very foxy about the items in his shop.....plays dumb
but he knows the worth or worthlessness of everything there
He knows I love to look through old pictures and cards
especially the Valentines
and that I love pottery....old pottery
and old childrens books and jewelry and rocks
Heck...what don't I like, now that think about it
anyway......We will have fun
making memories

Magpie tale #80

2011-08-29T16:32:00.001-05:00

His feet splashed in puddles as he rushed past me holding a red umbrella and red bag.

A nearby illuminated Barber pole reflected in a store window that he passed by, creating a sort of fun house scene that aroused long forgotten joy in me. I turned to watch him run down the empty street, a poppy blowing in the wind.

http://magpietales.blogspot.com

2011-08-24T19:04:00.000-05:00

Boo stared
The window was open and the smell of outside air
must have mesmerized him, for he just sat there and stared
Was it the smell of cut grass or just summer wafting in,
or was it a long forgotten genetic coding for outside
and the hunt that got him starring.....or freedom just beyond?
I have had this kind of staring at times in my life, too
staring into something I know is out there....something primal...
meant to be part of this life....just beyond my knowing

2011-08-23T09:15:00.001-05:00

2011-08-20T15:09:00.000-05:00

We escaped to Galena for the weekend...ahhhh

Yesterday was my husband's annual golf outing to raise money for the

Chicago Police Memorial Foundation

I tried to learn how to golf.....don't laugh you golfers

my instructor laughed...said I didn't have muscle memory

like in Little League Baseball boy memory.....girls didn't play way back then

and I don't think I would have anyway...even if I could

Anyway....I stink at golf

so yesterday I was like a duck swimming in cameras (did ya like that one?..clever use of photo?)

It was a fun day anyway....hanging around at dinnertime with the other

female non golfers....looking cute (as cute as a woman of my age can look :)

It was a long day....finishing with lights off for us at almost midnight

midnight.....yikes.......and up at 5:30 to get up and out the door by 6:30

My husband got dressed,packed his clothes for the weekend and pulled the car out of the garage

I had to make coffee.....clean up the coffee pot...take out the garbage,feed the cats..clean their boxes

make the bed....I always make the bed before leaving

ever since I heard my neighbor talking at a BBQ about how messy some people's houses are

!!!!

anyway...I continued with other various household duties necessary before leaving

while he- who- must- be- ignored.....sat in the car sipping coffee, listening to the radio

phew.....that felt good snitching and whining

We passed throught the most awful looking cloud formation...ominous and dark...dark dark

but as soon as we hit the lovely valleys of northweat Illinois...it was blue skies all the way

corn fields and soybean fields as lush as any that I can remember

and large amounts of cows and sheep in the pastures

and green, green ,green as far as the eye could see

But there were signs that things will be changing soon

signs like OCTOBEREST

HALLOWEEN

PUMPKINS

Not yet........not yet

2011-08-19T10:08:00.000-05:00

Ah, life was...or seemed to be...so much easier when I was a kid

Get up....eat breakfast made by mom

Get dressed with clothes mom washed and ironed and paid for

Put on shoes polished or shined by dad (no gym shoes then)

Walk to school

Greet my best friend,Evanis, every morning, hang up my coat..put my books away...blab until the teacher told us to rise for the pledge of allegiance, then prayer....

Then it was 3 hours of class.....

When recess time came.....we had 3 of them...15minutes in the morning,15 minute after lunch recess,and later...we had tiptoe recess...where you tiptoed quietly to the bathroom ..

At recess we played tag, jump rope, red rover,hopscotch,hide and seek...girls and boys usually in different "camps"

Lunchtime we sat at our desks and opened our lunch boxes or paper bags

my mom packed me a baloney sandwich and an apple or banana

After lunch there was more pay attention in class until 3:15...when we would close our day

with prayer and an evening hymn before leaving school... that we all return safely the next day

I would walk with Evanis to the corner where she caught a bus home

and I headed home on foot

When I walked in the backdoor of our house ( I can still here that creaky hinge)

I would grab a glass of milk, and on Fridays my mom had cupcakes waiting on the counter

I would then go to my room to

either listen to records,watch Garfield Goose on TV in the front-room , or the Three Stooges (my brother's favorite)

or go call my girlfriend Patsy

and I mean call.....yoa Pat,yoa Pat,yoa Patsy

at her back door....we dare not ring a bell

around 5pm I would come home for supper...My dad would be getting up...he worked nights,and we would eat dinner together..yum cooked by mom..always 2 bowls and a platter

a vegetable, potatoes or noodles or rice,and meat

no desert, except on Sunday...and milk...always a big glass of milk

Then it would be off to share dish-washing duty with my brother.....he liked to dry

return to my room to do my homework, do my memory work (Bibles passages and hymns or prayers)

later watch TV with my parents in the "living room"

recite my memory work to my parents

take a bath, put on fresh PJs that mom had ironed

sit with mom and dad a bit ...then prayers....and lights out

How much I remember that I wanted to grow up

live my own life

eat what I wanted to eat

dress with clothes I picked at the store

be the boss of my own life

and never memorize another thing

Now I wish I could go back in time and really enjoy and know what I had, say

thanks dad...for such a loving safe and secure childhood.

I have thanked my mom.

And, oh, the Bible verses and hymns....they come to me in times of trouble

this I am thankful for, too

....a comfort that is hardwired inside of me

as is a good childhood

2011-08-10T13:36:00.000-05:00

It's a cleaning day today.

Real cleaning..as in cleaning out

This is avoided at all cost

because it never fails that I find things

that make this job that much longer

Like old photos

letters

trinkets

bibles

stuff of the heart

How it has managed to shift around to lie in these places

I will never figure out

but it does

Sometimes it is a sweet visit....like today's

and sometimes I need a whole box of tissues to get through it all

Above is my youngest daughter and her husband

below it my other daughter and her husband and the Finn

next to them are my Son and his wife and little miss and little master

sigh......I miss them all

maybe I'll finish these closets by Friday

2011-08-09T21:52:00.000-05:00

Magpie tale #77

2011-08-08T16:07:00.002-05:00

I knew before he ever opened his mouth. Word gets around in this small town. He's been seeing Mabel Sanchez behind my back, taking her to lookout point after he drops me off before 9pm. I can't help it if my parents are strict. But I guess what he really wanted was a lover's lane lust-mate. I cut him short, before he could actually break it off with me. Instead I leaned myself back on the porch railing and stretched my long, smooth- skinned, just shaved, legs before him. "Look Charlie," I said,leaning my arms backwards resting them on the porch rail,pushing my breasts forward into the porch light, "You got to understand, I don't want to do this, but I have to. I don't want to see you anymore. I have plans, big plans, and they don't include the likes of you. I want ...out of this town and away from small town people like you and Mabel Sanchez. So you go ahead and keep seeing your little girl friend, ain't no matter to me. I'm going places. "

And that's when my dad rapped on the window for me to come in. "Bye Charlie,"I said,shilly shallying my be-hind into the house and closing the door.

My father looked out of the window and watched Charlie drive off, then turned to me and asked,newspaper in hand,

"Too bad what happened to that poor Sanchez girl...but I guess she died instantly, did you know her?"

http://magpietales.blogspot.com

MAGPIE TALE #77

2011-08-08T10:47:00.000-05:00

We went to the JoDavies county fair this weekend

...very small town America

We showed up in our fancy car and I think the guy charged us more

hee hee

But it was worth it

It did our hearts good to see the families

enjoying the hot summer day

the kids running around....free, like they used to

happy and eating hot dogs and chasing each other

Good to see the demolition derby...haven't seen one of those since I was a kid

and that's a long time ago

The people were so friendly

and happy

nothing fancy, just good summer fun

good summer corn on the cob

good cold beer

good baked goods

and of course the animals

My battery went caputskied before we hit the cows

but they were divine

every cow had a fan blowing on them

When we got to a building that said Hares...uh

I almost didn't go in...I have a childhood trauma

regarding rabbits in cages..but my husband got me to go inside

and I am sort of glad I did

they were all well taken care of, plenty of room, water and their fur

was gorgeous...unlike the memory I hold tightly bound in me

Cages with wire bottoms yes, but they seemed content

I asked the man in charge if this wire bothers their feet

he said most no, but one type yes, and they place wood boards in the cage for them

I wanted to take them all home...cows, ducks, roosters,sheep,horses

I guess I never grew up concerning animals

I want them all cared for and loved....

ha....but the farmers were all good to me and my attitude

I think inside they felt the same way

but life isn't that way and can't be

but it was good to see these animals well cared for

It was a wonderful weekend

2011-08-05T09:40:00.000-05:00

2011-08-02T09:17:00.000-05:00

windmill

2011-08-01T12:44:00.006-05:00

Magpie tale #76

An Illinois summer

evening

Quietly a windmill spins

pumping water

for livestock and home

The sun slips away

disappearing,too
from the landscape

http://magpietales.blogspot.com

2011-07-31T11:50:00.000-05:00

Nothing sweeter than a freshed washed baby
who smells of lavendar

Nothing grander than watching your daughter
enjoy this moment
as much as you did washing her as a baby
those little moments that can almost get lost
'cause you are so busy getting it done
all of it ...raising a family
But oh so sweet when it all comes back to you
through your grandma eyes

2011-07-25T14:15:00.001-05:00

One year ago Boo came to me

A 2 week old kitten born to a feral cat

I named him Mr. Darcy....dark and handsome

and oh so adorable

but as you can see (or not see)

he is one ball of black fur

Mr. Darcy seemed like too big a name for a 6 oz baby

So I called him my little Boo and it stuck

Well skip a year

and I am happy to say that he is one happy kitty

making friends with my husband

actually preferring my husband over me (stinker!)

I was the one who got up every two hours to dropper feed this little rascal

But just like the kids.....it is always "dad"

humpf

I hope I get my reward in heaven

ya think?

2011-07-23T23:39:00.000-05:00

2011-07-22T07:55:00.000-05:00

"I would like to believe when I die that I have given myself away
like a tree that sows seeds every spring and never counts the loss,
because it is not loss, it is adding to future life.
It is the tree's way of being.
Strongly rooted perhaps, but spilling out its treasure on the wind."

- May Sarton,
from May Sarton's Well

Thank you to all who reached out to comfort.

I thought of Rosaria all day, and prayed for her.

She will need our prayers.

I guess the encapsulated grief that had been put in a quiet place

reared its head yesterday. This happens very infrequently

But I guess it was because it was a sunny July day

that my brother died.....oh not so fair

the last time I saw him was on the 4th of July

I know grief is a hard thing for most people to be around, and for that I say..I'm sorry

But this blog is about my life and its journey....growing old

sharing obstacles and blessings

No one has to read it or comment

But I count my blessings for those who cared

and left a comment

I have walked the road with my family over our loss

and I know the journey is the worst

so many hopes dashed

and they are little again...holding your hand

or playing on the monkey bars

that's where they are for so long

and it hurts so badly

Faith got us through it...

hope

the promise of the ressurection

the promise of heaven where

when it is our time

they will be there to greet us

take our hand and guide us over that river Jordan

and their faces will be glowing from the light of God

My prayers are with Rosaria

2011-07-21T11:45:00.001-05:00

Teddy bear always comforted me.
I got him when I was very little and could barely see over him when I laid in bed beside him.
He had a big red ribbon around his neck.
He was so loved that his fur rubbed off and his stuffing got thin,
and my mother had to operate on him constantly
stuffing him over and over again and sewing him up.
I kept that bear until the day I left home to get married,
and that's when I committed the sin.
I told my mother I didn't want him anymore and she threw him away.

The bear in the picture is one that looks exactly like my bear.
This one I rescued from the top of a garbage can on garbage day about 20 years ago.
My mother was with me...when I rescued him.
I have never forgiven myself for letting my bear go.
So many times in my younger life I have wanted that bear.
But the day I rescued this bear....I believe someone put him on top of the can
so maybe someone would come by and cherish him.
I do.
He represents comfort to me...and a second chance...redemption.

My heart is so sad today
so horribly sad....even a walk in the garden didn't comfort me.
I didn't want to see any joy or beauty.
I could not be still...stillness only hurt.
One of the most wonderful bloggers,Rosaria
lost her beloved son on Sunday
and my heart just breaks for her...truly breaks
My mother lost her son at 24
I know this pain....this pain that seems it can never be comforted
this pain that was stirred up.

I went about my morning making beds and doing wash...
my thoughts heavy and sorrowful
I went into the bedroom that the grandkids stayed in last week
and found that they had taken this Teddy bear out
and there he was left on the bed,
and I tell you I felt a rush of grief
and laid across that bed and cried for Rosaria
and my mother and myself

2011-07-20T16:01:00.000-05:00

I am but a fallen leaf
on stone path
showing off the sun

The Mask....Magpie tale #74

2011-07-19T10:21:00.000-05:00

I knew it was either me or that mask.
No way could I make love with that thing staring down on us,
evil incarnate.
And the fact that he was a married man didn't help the karma thingy.
But I,"the other woman" have my standards.
I will not risk being voodooed for the rest of my life; the horned black mask gave me the creeps. He assured me he would take it down.
But that night in the darkened room he laid me across the satin sheets of his love lair,
and I looked up and saw that it was still there above the bed.
I immediatley began to protest.....take it down or else.

Be he kept on...defying the universe within, and thunder rolled across the bed
and weird drum beating ensued as the headboard banged and banged against the wall-
pleasure forcing me to gasp and close my eyes.
And then it happened....the cursed mask fell off of the wall and struck Brett
causing a large gash in his head, and blood gushed over him and me and the satin sheets.
He moaned and suddenly went limp and quiet and the mask laid between us,its hideous eyes staring up at me.
I felt for Brett's pulse and there was none.
I dialed 911.
When the police arrived I explained what had happened.
They asked me why I had put it back up on the wall,
why I had tampered with evidence.
My body began to shake as I saw the mask
looking down on me..this time its horns glistening in the light...no blood on it at all.
I heard one officer say to another officer, that he had found what he said was a blunt force object- on the bed.
As they took me away in handcuffs, I struggled and sobbed and glanced back at the mask
hanging on the wall.
It had a wide smile across its face.

magpie tale #74
http://magpietales.blogspot.com

2011-07-19T08:15:00.000-05:00

It was classic car show weekend in Galena
and man was it hot..like the rest of the US
But the men and women riding around town
showing off their babies..was a delight
I just love that people have passion
they light up
they smile
they laugh
they hold their heads up high
they have friends who understand this passion
ah..I think most people's lives would be enhanced with a passion or two
but it's not something you get
it's something you find
with an open heart
and the bravery to follow it
blessed are the passionate

from May Sarton's Well

2011-07-15T10:33:00.000-05:00

Distilled...adj...produced by distillation
Distillation....noun
the process of first heating a mixture to seperate the more volatile
from the less volatile parts,
and then cooling and condensing the resulting vapor
so as to produce a more nearly pure

or refined substance

I have always loved the word distilled

dicovered it while learning to craft poetry

say it in as few words as possible

Even in the days of painting and drawing and collaging

it was always for me...an idea, an emotion,a thought- distilled

Separate the volatile from the less volatile

a path I have been on for decades

Interesting thing I found while creating

was that I had volatile parts

that needed separating

I am a complex being to myself

worthy of becoming a refined substance

so today I will heat a few things

find order and beauty

catching rainbows

2011-07-14T09:26:00.000-05:00

One morning I heard squealing coming from the hallway
I stopped what I was doing, which was probably cooking,
and went to find out what was so exciting.
As I turned the corner I stopped
there was my husband...Mr. left brain business man...
showing the grandkids how he had caught a rainbow
no way
I hung back and just observed this miracle
one by one they both reached into the light bouncing off of a leaded glass door..revealing prisms of rainbow light.. and held rainbows in their hands
and then they stuck their feet into the light and laughed some more
Almost as fun as the lightening bugs he helped them capture the night before
wow....the miracle of grandchildren
Now if only they could get him to watch foreign films with me

2011-07-13T11:24:00.000-05:00

echoes
bouncing through a valley
of gone

message left by my computer

beloved tea set

beloved children's silverware

grandma's old glassware...now theirs

little miss's decorating

garden bugs loved

All this
to let go of again

Different parts of me

opened this month

beloved parts...parts that make me.

Heart parts...creative, loving, nurturing parts

needed parts...wanted parts....amazing parts

Little Miss clung to me

crying that she didn't want to go home

She wanted ...grandma

A stunning heart experience

..that's how I felt about leaving my grandpa

and grandma

I wanted to send off her tea set with her..

but resisted the impulse...let it be a touchstone

let it be a sweet memory...a dear childhood friend

to return to

forever....always a visit with grandma and mint tea

2011-07-13T10:00:00.001-05:00

It's really in the balance of things
curvy lines covering surface
muscular figures layered behind each other
depth

Chilmark Mass.
could have been Chicago
New York, LA

all of us commonplace
elevated ... reaching
Michelangelos
reinterpreted works of art
moving through life

magpie tale # 73
http://magpietales.blogspot.com

2011-07-11T22:35:00.000-05:00