On the horizon

image by Raul Touzon





It is in the quiet house
that storms seem closer
When fear roars
When you  feel the cleaving of your heart
louder than the crash of lightning
You think you are prepared
for the torrential downpour to come
but as your heart cracks and falls to the floor
you know this is not true
and you 
reach up your hands
 for grace

 

Oh yeah, I'm headed for a pedicure.
I've earned it.

Pink...yes, I think that would be just fine.
Now, where did I put my ankle bracelets?
Surprised...that a woman of my age wears them?
get over it....I do
Only thing is....I need to pump up the leg muscles a bit
definition is definitely an asset to ankle bling
...yes, at my age
Oh, did I tell you what little miss said to me the night before they left?
No?...oh, well let me fill you in
"Gradma?!"
"What Reagan?"
"Grandma?"
"What is it sweetie?"
"Grandma, the toilet is overflowing like a fountain upstairs.."

See...I told you I deserve it.

 

AH..if only it were that easy
This garden frog is getting  more meditation than I am
and don't even ask me about exercise or yoga
ha! except maybe if washing kids, dishes,and laundry counts
or taking the dog out
or wiping up spills, picking up toys
reading the same books over and over again
being a short order cook....to keep peace
I am getting into a routine now....but it has nothing to do with
dressing nice, wearing nice shoes, going out to lunch with my girlfriends
or husband...or writing
or even watching mind-numbing TV..which I have been known to do
In fact...I was horrified yesterday...when I had the chance to run a few errands by myself
and I glanced in the cleaner's mirror and saw that I hadn't even put makeup on
or earrings......good lord.....and I looked about 92
How did I ever do it?
True, I am exhausted, but it has been a time of true bonding with the little ones
...and just as I am adjusting
they will be leaving
I am even going to miss the stubborn, but adorable, Bull dog Dutch
but it will be nice to have a cup of coffee and be able to drink the whole cup

are we there yet?

 

weep for me people.....
It has been a long week

 

My husband thought he could sneak into the den
for some peace and quiet last night,
but what he didn't know was that Dutch sought the same thing
so they both watched the news together, then fell asleep
But it turned out he got the better deal.....
My family went into the city last night to stay in a hotel
across from the Lincoln Park Zoo......they were to meet up with some friends.
Leave the dog...I said......
Well about midnight.....Dutch barked loudly
So Grandma put on her robe and slippers and took him out into the yard
where he happily ran through all my flower beds
again
and to make it worse..it was drizzling....don't they have drizzle in Southern California?
Good golly the beast was so happy
Have you ever tried to move a bull dog that doesn't want to move?
Finally I got him ....gave him a bit of chicken in his dry food
and I went to bed....only to be awoken again around 1:30 by a sad barking
a lonely barking....
Have I told you I'm a sucker for kids and animals?
Well I left the comfort of my bed and went to sleep in the guest room
with the Dutch.....he grabbed  Reagan's new Easter bunny and slept away
until 2:30......he wanted up on the bed....wouldn't stop barking
until I lifted ...hoisted....good golly how did I move solid muscle like him in the wee hours?
But I did...and he slept at the foot of the bed until 5:30
I pretended not to hear him....boy am I dumb
he barked until I petted him to death and then he settled down until 6:45!
They called this morning....they are going to stay another night
 or two

bulldog on leather

 

oh my
Did I have the day yesterday
and I don't mean a good one.
First of all, a little guy
who shall not be snitched on to his mother-
got Chocolate Easter bunny all over my fine sofa
...then Little Miss spilled a whole glass of milk on my
area rug ...and of course it was the wool one
Then this beloved bull dog, Dutch...had the trots all day
in and out...in and out....barking...stinkies...more barking
out side again.. back inside...good grief
I would have rather been sick
...No more chicken for him
and then this morning....after a rather long night with him
he snuck into the living room and onto my leather chair
...Snoring away like a baby
And did I mention that Handsome, my feral kitty, showed up this morning
only to nearly drop dead at the sight of this Churchill looking menace with the large jowls and big teeth
looking at him on the other side of the patio door?
more barking  :-0
dear me....what a week it has been....joy
I love them all and will cry when they leave
BUT
I have to admit that my rhythm is all messed up
and I haven't written anything since they arrived
and tonight is my writing group
I will bring them the story of the little girl who sets fire to her house
.....let them comment on that one
..let them see my dark side....hee hee
and when they ask me how my week is going
I 'll just say....wonderful
....I am a writer of fiction after all

 

 

 

They can't believe the betrayal
It's their house
and it is not fair
Hang in there girls
2 more weeks
lordie.....will I make it?

 

Boo is never going to speak to me again
neither is Abigail or Miss Kitty O"Shea
They hate the new intruder
this upstart smelly barking thing from Laguna
But the worst thing is
Dutch..the above pictured Bulldog
loves me

It has been an experience these past 3 days
good thing their mama and papa arrived
I don't think these little ones would have gotten much sleep
or the little guy..bathed :-O
But they're here now....sort of
at least at nighttime and bathtime for little stubborn one
The first night back Dutch barked and snorted all night
Now he is settled in and eating everything that is in reach
He has trampled my flowers and peed on my lillies
oh the things we overlook for family
If I have to watch Toy Story or Cars once more
I think I'll pass out
But all too soon they will be gone
and I will cry waving goodbye
again
So go ahead Mav...push play

 

This was this morning
But oh last night....I thought they would never go to sleep
But who can blame them?
All the excitement of coming to Chicago
and then mama got back on a flight last night
in order to meet my son in Las Vegas so they can drive back
with Dutch....my grandbulldog
Finally at midnight (!)
I got grandpa....he took the little guy downstairs
while I laid down with little miss
and boy did she talk
talk talk talk
It was a moment
pure moment
I just listened as she told me about her
her other grandpa...who is in heaven
and that she is so sad that she never got to meet him
Grandma Neta showed her pictures of him
and he was wearing a hat
and then she told me that Dutch is getting old
and Grandma do you think Dutch will go to heaven and see my other grandpa?
Grandpa V had a massive stroke just before my son and now daughter in law got engaged
Her mother asked us to come to the hospital to meet him...talk to him
though he was officially brain dead....and was to be an organ donor that night
We talked to him and told him how much we loved his daughter
and how happy we were that they had found each other...we held his hand
it was warm and smooth.....we cried and cried
He was a very handsome man....I see him in Maverick
This... all I thought of... last night as she was talking
And then she asked me if Auntie was going to have a baby
I cried....in the dark....and she asked me again....yes, I said
and thankfully she didn't ask anything more
Today we are to go over to the new house and see Finn
all of them together...joy
even the littlest helpless one in the darkness of the womb
joy
Family......joy and sorrow

 

 

Do you see what I saw?
Oh .... I pulled my car over and sat and watched
the dragon fly by
then I remembered that I had a pocket camera
and shot this remnant of him
Who says you can't be a kid again
I am
all the time

So much swirling around me lately
so many things to do, to prepare for,to let go of
Letting go...the hard one
I have embarked on spring cleaning early
well, if Mother Nature can arrive early..I can clean out early
but what do I keep, what do I throw or give away?
...Always the delay
Just as in the garden, what stays, what is to be moved or shared
dilemma
I have, in the past had to make choices about people too
Who stays as a friend, who is too much of a spirit sapper ...and goes
always choices to be made
So far, I have navigated well through these waters
But I am getting older and my energy levels..well, sometimes
I'd rather sit and read a good book
or just write one...finally
choices...we live by them and sometimes suffer and die because of them
So you see, this spring cleaning thing is important
what if I throw something out that later I regret..or worse...my daughters ask me for
If I ask them...they say...oh, don't get rid of that.....but I am the one they expect to store it all
choices....they are mine...not theirs....
one warning this time..and it goes
Ah... liberation

It's my mother's 82nd birthday
I have been blessed with her for a mother
smart,active,friendly,talented
thrifty,God loving,helpful
generous,gentle,loving
forgiving,respectful
a good cook
and my best friend
She was into herbs, natural things
and yoga before anyone else
she quilts,does puzzles
and can stretch a dollar further than anyone
She has lost a son, a husband,a brother, two sisters
and a late in life companion
and still she looks for life's next adventure
Sure she can't walk as fast, eat as much
see as well,
but she still has a glass of beer
before bed
Happy birthday mom

photo from google 

I stuck my head out of the window this morning

and

Spring kissed me

bang in the face.

-Langston Hughes



 

I love this daughter
and hold her in prayer everyday
for the journey she is on
not by choice
well, maybe by choice
she chose life
Tomorrow she moves to a new home
of tall oaks, cobblestone streets
and wrought iron
grandpa and I will have our grandson all day
Precious little guy
he thinks all that is going on is moving to a new house
and that his room has many windows
and places for his trains
Just about every friend I have
is going through trials or tribulations
This is life
ah..life...it is a gift truly
The older I get the clearer it is to me
that our footsteps touch many kinds of stones on the path
it is how we walk them that counts
Here's to a new life, dear daughter

magpietale # 108 ...Gone

old vision sees her

I know her scent in the air

but can't catch a dream

http://magpietales.blogspot.com

#108

Oh bother....I was getting into my car to go to writing group, when I heard the sound of a robin.
I turned around and in the tree alongside of my driveway...was a tree full of them....
I didn't have my camera......so use your mind
JOY

 Oh bother.

So many things to do today.

I am rewriting a short story today for my writing group tonight,

expanding it in parts.....such tough critics they are ..

But I will do as they suggest. They have been right before, I hate to admit...I love them

Before I begin the process..which takes me away so quickly to another place

I need to go outside and clip a few more branches and dried stems...clean up the garden

get ready for that day when nature says,  ready, set, go!

I hunger for the days when I can go outside and sit

sit and lose myself

empty and fill

unaware of this earthly place

unaware of my heart wrapped in lead

Yesterday, while in the garden I felt a presence near me

It was quite a spooky day in the garden...First I saw that witch toy in the bed of cone-flowers

after writing about needing to find the space of home within me

Then as I clipped away, a crow caw-cawed around me.....we haven't had crows here for years

so I stopped my clipping and listened... and then I felt this presence

as I sat on the moist ground,in the warm sun..wind blowing furiously around me

I expected to turn around and find a cat next to me.....I felt a cat's presence

but there was none...

but I sat there in the soil of the earth

and was comforted.....

I have a great sorrow inside of me

it affects my everything of everything

I  carry on...but it waits for me..for my family

it smothers our joy.....it troubles our dreams

it enters my stories.....seasons my soups

pollutes my breath..tightens my muscles

I wear sadness everyday

even in my moments of joy....sadness is a refrain

This I am not afraid of.....this is my path
Oh, to live in the Hundred Acre Woods.
Thanks for listening dear friends who hung in there 
to the end of this......now to do a little yoga 
to start this day

...and her little Boo too!
oh my goodness
look what I spotted in the garden this afternoon
It's a sign....don't you think?

I thought about the Tin Man yesterday
who said,
I know I have a heart, because it's breaking

Oh, if only there was a Wizard I could go to..
I'd kill a witch, fight flying monkeys
walk a yellow brick road
to Oz
dodge apples thrown at me...
take up with new friends...
pull my own tail
.
Today, is a day for the garden
cleaning up, cutting back
ah
yes
I hope I stumble on a moment...
warm sunshine on my face...
That lets me in
and out
to place of home

a sketch for the day
who is that on paper
unfinished,like me



I promised my friend April
that I would try to do a sketch a day
for the month of March
I am not an artist, but have a few wayward
artisty genes leftover from my father
so
this is my March 1st attempt
Not sure I'll post anymore
it is something that is very difficult and I constantly erase
and start over....big inner critic
and well deserved criticism I might add
AND I just couldn't help but attempt to make a haiku
out of it...hee hee
I love visual prompts......I use them for writing all the time
I cut pictures out of magazines or save ones from the internet that match
something I am writing about....or I use it to jump start a story
such as these pictures, that went on to become stories

I won't be doing much writing today, I have a mess of housework to do
How do two people create all this mess?
I attended 2 wakes this weekend and babysat for Finn
but the hardest thing I did was keep my heart together
So off I go to find the vacuum
and defrost some pork chops
-joy-

Magpie tale # 107 The Painting

http://magpietales.blogspot.com

Once a week

 he went to the Art Institute

 to stare at her.

 The brushstrokes captured

 the eyes of his Isabella,

the woman of long ago

that he lost to Fernando.

He knew she would be 70 now,

not the raven haired beauty

captured before him

in the sensual values of light and dark.

A painting as large as his desire

that still burned him every calendar day.

Did she have a good life?

Did she have regret?

Did she ever think of him

in the dark silence of night

as he had of her?

He unfolded a handkerchief

on his lap,in front of the painting,

 lifted out a ring

and began to cry, as he had every week

since the painting appeared 

on the walls of this public place,

for all to see.

Once he painted it just for his eyes,

now everyone could see what he loved

and lost.

silent winter dawn
I heard a tufted titmouse
March chorus tune-up

Paint What You Love..Magpie tale # 106

Magpie Tale # 106



In the middle of the night genius struck. But he was out of supplies and needed to make a run to the store. He had the essentials: paper towels, a six-pack of Coke,and the ever important,cheap bottle of champagne.
He never intended to buy soup, oh no, he was a man of discipline...and soup wasn't on the list. But a sudden ache in his belly reminded him that he hadn't eaten all day. And the neat little rows of soup cans looked oh so much like obedient soldiers, their packaging like little uniforms, professing their allegiance to the ordinary, of his life, everyday.
He quietly tumbled 20 cans of soup into his cart. 

http://magpietales.blogspot.com

I must begin again
push
myself away from this sword that hangs above me
soon enough it will let loose and find me
but for now why live in its shadow
take hold of what is this moment
garb myself with coat and mittens and boots
step outside and feel the day
get lost in snow and cold
hear the birds
watch the squirrels
be aware of breath
hear it speak
going down deep inside
to nourish every cell of my being
Then suddenly I am there
that I am so much more than this moment
brimming delicious
huckleberries
hello sunshine hippie chick
she is always and never the same
one hot mama of autumn awakenings
hello sunshine, beautiful dreamer
Live life with flair
let your inner artist emerge
...the bar has been raised
love the in betweens
celebrate love
live free
fire in her soul
you're unforgettable
embellished,
  I secretly wish I
file under M
..more moments
like these.

I never aspired to much
except to being a good human being of faith,
a good mother, wife
neighbor,friend,citizen
I took life as it came
and sometimes it was hard
but I kept aspiring
Love, my constant fuel
to get through some dark times

Later in life I discovered
I had a creative side...more than just
making the home a comforting, welcoming place to come place to
I called it sanctuary
and more than just providing nourishing meals for my brood
more than any of that
I rolled in creativity like a dog in muddy grass
a cat in catnip
rolled and rolled and rolled
but
I never aspired to anything else here either
just added a few more things to do to be happy

But low and behold
One day I became a grandmother
and everything changed
THIS
is what I aspire to excell in
grandmother hood....
I have found the land where I belong
and sadly, this land has its sorrow too
But I take life as it comes...
with an attitude of grace and love
and trust that God leads me
and does not fail me

Feeling low and sad lately
in my land where I belong
I got Skyped by a little smiling face last night
"Grandma! we're coming!...for 3 weeks!
and we're bringing Dutchie!
Dutch is the bulldog above...hee hee
What and when will I tell the kitties?

I needed this sunshine
and He was faithful to provide
now....to get ready
they are coming March 31!

 so much held inside
a life and death miracle
the days tick on so

Every child is a miracle

that knitting together of DNA

that sometimes

goes all wrong

and yet you love

and you suffer...,

for this miracle that is

yours

Magpie Tale # 105

MAGPIE TALE #105

He knew it was odd,

that it didn't belong there

on the side of the road

out in the middle of nowhere,

that they don't exist anymore,

and they were never lit with neon light.

But he wanted to believe

and he yielded to the temptation

to check it out and rode his bike along side of it

and stood there not knowing what to do.

And that's when he saw the prophet's image

in the glass just as the phone rang.

He leaned in and grabbed the black receiver

without thinking of the consequences.

"Hello," he said.

And as he did, the neon light began to pulsate,

and the booth shook and a howling sound sucked him inside.

He screamed, but no one heard him but

...the voice on the other end...

"Number please,"

He screamed and screamed and screamed as he felt his ear sucked into the receiver,

then his head, shoulders, hips and legs.

One last scream as the rest of him followed,

until he was no more.

The booth stopped shaking

 and the neons stilled themselves

...lighting up on the dirt road like a beacon in the night

 for the next believer.

http://magpietales.blogspot.com/

Now that I have my body moving again
stretching
breathing
now that I am in tune with it
a sensual feeling
I need to get the outside corrected
red polish on toes
gold hoops in ears
Euphoria wafting around me
I need to get some more blonde in hair
I went darker...low lights...for the winter
ick
I'm a blonde
and today I head downtown to see Tom
he'll fix me right up
and then I will return home
casting spells

joy

soup and short story

Some days you wake up

and know that it is going to be a good one

It is something inside of you, or least me

I know my troubles are not gone, but today, I will put them in a quiet place

and make soup.

Up at 6 AM this morning to see my husband off to work

to share a few precious moments of being

I started my day with a hot cup of coffee

and a book of poems.....

I fed the cats, the birds,the squirrels, and took a walk outside

in the garden to feel the day

on my skin, breath in its energy

The morning sun shone through raindrops that hung

on bare branches and dried flowers

oh such beauty in a drop

Then it was back inside

to make soup.

I chose this one because that is what I need to use up

...carrots and celery

and besides, it is one of my husband's favorites

When I am finished with this quick delish soup

I will hit the computer to finish writing a short story I have been working on

about a little girl that disappeared

...seems I can't get away from writing about little girls lately

oh well...that must be where the energy is....

ah energy.....I knew it this morning the moment I awoke

joy

oh...and the yoga is helping tremendously

I'm feeling younger....;)



a day of love

I spent Valentine's day at a funeral
an elder of my extended family
My sister-in-law took care of her mother faithfully
for 4 1/2 years.. when she had been stricken down by a stroke
Love.
The service was held in a Lutheran church
all the trimmings, as they say
Comfort.
The trip to the cemetery was short
and the walk to the grave site short also
so many elderly who braved the snow and cold to say goodbye
Humbling.
The meal afterwards, the usual: beef, chicken,mostacolli,mashed potatoes/gravy
hot rolls,warm beef vegetable soup and salad
Filling
Watching my brothers, one who just had open heart surgery...
tired and weak, but there. The other, legally blind,sick with a very bad cold, but radiating
goodness.
Watching my mother, worrying about them
Familial
Sitting next to my husband, squeezing my hand under the table
knowing my very thoughts of fragility of life
each of us suffering our own heartache to come
Love

Our first breath we take in from God
our last breath we return to God

 These moments
 birth and death
They are written in the book

blogger connections

many of them become friends

caring keyboard kin

To all of you who have reached

beyond the posts

I luv you

Be My Valentines



Magpie tale # 104

She dreamt that all the lives that she had led

lay under her like a heap of genocide

Naked on her bed, her hair spread out

like Medusa tendrils,

 a dismembered part of her

reached up and pulled her under

darkness swallowing her heart of stone

http://magpietales.blogspot.com/

 forgottern sadness
beholding joy with feathers
in an instant,gone

may my roots hold me

My gentle slide back into practise

 has had rather quick results

as far as my muscles are concerned

The pigeon pose/kapotasana, that I added last night

hit that piriformis just right

and I got some relief from my aching leg and hip

So feeling a bit cocky this morning

I added the tree pose/vrikshaasana

As expected I found that my right side is much stronger than my left

(as it is in my brain)
struggle

I think this is enough adding of poses

now to continue to show up

do

breathe

find balance

for my aching heart

oh, my aching hip flexors

 

Why is it so hard to practise

that which is good for us?

We never think about the harmful things

we do

like overeating

sendentary living

We never question those choices

we just do it

But the body is calling out for

practise

So this morning I took a step to recovery

I began with tadasana/mountain pose

omg....boy, I am beginning this not a minute too soon

30-60 hold...in proper form...ooo

next, onto

padangusthasana/forward bend/ finger to toe

big omg!

but the stretch feels so good

maybe the pain in my leg will lift

with this stretch

Now onto Child's pose,then Corpse

Okay...okay....it's a start

maybe if I do this every morning for a week

I will salute the sun

...if we ever get any

-joy-

 

magpie tale 103

truth can be unholdable
piercing and impaling
we reach for it
its shards slicing us down
to our held beliefs
sometimes to our brilliant graves



http://magpietales.blogspot.com/

holding your children
ability to carry
all their life of them

lonely evening walk
water vapor condenses
evening clouds of thought

Oh, how I love foggy nights

Last night before turning in, I glanced out of the bedroom window

and there it was....that mysterious atmosphere

 light and fog mingling like a magic show

If it hadn't been so late I might have put on my shoes and walked in it

enter a world often ignored or feared

I remember being afraid of it when I was small

expecting Dracula or the werewolf or Frankenstein

to appear

And it can be horrific to drive in it....just think about the horror in Florida this past week

But have you ever walked a city street
 surrounded by it?

It has an exciting still quiet about it

I could walk for miles



 this wonderful photo from google images
 by Daniel Seguin..Stranger in the fog





busy hands still mind

 iron glides across the board

pressing out my thoughts

My wonderful,loving,teddy bear of a brother

is recovering just fine

Doctor says it's all in his attitude

My sister-in-law said he sang into the nebulizer this morning

ha!....he's an old rocker from the 60's....heavy metal kind

and he's still at it....living his dream..singing and writing songs

I just know that his presence will touch someone there in the hospital that needs it

he's just that kind of a wonderful human being....

Thank you for your warm kind words and prayers for my brother and me

I needed them

Today I am going to iron

let my thoughts wander

where they will....

and where they want

if I just let go

Holding an iron is much like holding a pen

things happen

things get released

things are unearthed

but in the end, in a quiet room

filled with luxurious steam

smelling oh so clean

fabrics get the wrinkles out

whether it's my good tablecloth

or the heart aching fabrics of my life

..joy...



she drains into me
I collect and channel her
words into my sea