Maybe, I’m back

Seventy one and would you believe

Beginning again

I've sold the weights

 

Oh boy, this used to be me

 

a long time ago

 

 

Now, not waking up with an aching back

and trick knee

is an accomplishment

 

True, I'm thinner now

but it's more like

Saggy Baggy Elephant

 

My husband and I don't eat out much anymore

too much food, and he likes my cooking better

He's still not retired

what will I do when he is following me around the house

 

I like my quiet time

Sometimes I binge watch English mysteries

 

and boy have I learned that I could never write a mystery

at least not the English type

I never figure out the murderer

 

I have let my life be run by others

that has to stop a bit

or Ill shrink away to nothing

...not even saggy baggy left

 

 

 

 

 



a few thoughts

 

 

Something has happened to me this past year

 

I got old

 

 

no, really.

 

in the spirit I got old

 

physically I am just aging..

creaking and aches and all that comes with age

 

But the realization that life is getting harder is not nice

 

 My husband has had health challenges as have I

 

and the funerals that we've attended

 

of dear friends

 

My writing buddy, the one I traveled every year to workshops with

 

died

 

I called her Indigo

like the color of a starry night

 

She once got caught in the woods while at a workshop, and spent the night hugging a tree for safety

one lonely star in the sky as witness

she made it through just fine

but we went back the following year and held a ceremony

at the tree, her tree

and blessed it with incense and beads

 

She was that kind of a person

 

When I went to the hospital to be with her

she was sedated

I leaned over and whispered in her ear

MaryAnn...Indigo. It's Sue

She opened her eyes and tried to sit up

oh

 

She was taken off of life support days later

 

I can't believe she is gone

my hero

She was my Lone Ranger and I was her Tonto

 

Bad enough I haven't written in a year. I lost my writer within

but the loss of my writing buddy has been heartbreakingly paralyzing

 

 

I saw daffodils this morning.

I saw them just outside of my kitchen window, pushing their way into new blooms

pushing through debris and barrenness

 

This touched me

So much in my life has seemed barren

but now I feel a stirring of life within me just aching to bloom again

Maybe sharing a bit with you is a beginning

I have read all my blog friend's blogs but was frozen to write a comment

 

but maybe its Spring within me

 

love

 

 

 

 



3 out of 6 grandchildren pictured

Grandchildren

 

the pieced  blessing that holds the family

 

 Joys and sorrows

that make up our history

 

beneficiaries

of love

 

much love

 

All that matters

 

 



 

 

 



I'm going to a barbeque next week

 

and I want to show up looking good

how I wish I could still wear those heels

alas, I can't

Stinks....but I have had to make many adjustments lately

regarding getting older

Last night I tripped over the cat's toy mouse

in the dark...heading to the bathroom at 4am

Stinks....

good thing I have a four poster bed... that foot board post saved me

But...the four cats flying around the room like bats out of hell

with a stick of dynamite up their butt

was worth it

Yes, I have kept the feral kittens from a year and a half ago

nuts...I know

but the shelter wouldn't take them because they're feral

and ...well...you know....I got attached

I have a saint for a husband

...he ignores them, but lets them stay

..a good man I married

 

There's an armed robber on the lose about 2 miles from here

near the store I was going to go to for a new pair of jeans

but decided to stay home because it's pouring outside

Don't you just hate an armed robber on the loose?

Five women were gunned down in that same mall about 5-6 years ago

....again I was going to go, but was too lazy to stop and get gas...so I stayed home

 

How many times have we had brushes with death or disaster and didn't know it?

scary...

 

I prayed last night

back in the saddle again

oh, that's not a picture of me.....
but a girl can dream

 ..................never did wear camouflage...darn....too late 

 

 

 

 

 

 



Dill

 

I bought dill at the farmers market last week

 

I put it in a pitcher around the fireplace

 

and let it dry

 

It works its magic on me as I am in the business of ordinary things

 

a simple olfactory  delight

catching me unaware and suddenly

taking me back to grandpa's back yard

one of my saving graces of childhood

 

Today, it brought comfort unexpectedly

so many things on my mind that I have no power over

except for my reaction to them

 

and the dill stepped up

did its job

 

brought me to a place of safety

and a simpler time

where I just excepted its fragrance around me

connected to a bent over gray haired man

who spoke little

I loved him so

 

and the dill brought him to me in a magic way

I am at the point where I think I will stop praying

no one is listening

and my heart gets broken over and over again

 

but the dill

told me differently

 

remember the love always

and have faith

 

 

 

 



The changing of the seasons
a welcome quickening of my heart
swelling buds
robin chirps
aconites poking through
the smell of wet earth

joy

soon the trees will awaken
and birds will be spotted with grasses and mud in their beaks
renewal
and we have nothing to do with it

except to get out our garden tools,
books, and magazines
Plan
and dream

Hank the Tank

Pot roast today...comfort food

It was a rough day yesterday.
My wonderful, funny clown of a cat, Hank the Tank
had a blocked bladder.
I have been to the emergency vet twice this month
the only time I can get this guy is after- hours it seems

TRYING TO CATCH A HARDWIRED, now house kept, FERAL kitty is
not easy
But I knew he was going south quickly.
I managed to chase him into a bedroom
 but our other male cat stuck his two cents in
and Hank froze in place long enough for me to shut the door
with Boo, the other male, safely locked out.
But I couldn't get him.
SO
I called my 86 year old mother.
She came over and she laid on the floor looking under the bed on one side, as I looked at him from the other side.
It took a bit of talking to him and squeezing my arm under the bed
trying to get him by the scruff.
WHAM... one shot and I got him and managed to get my arm  underneath him
to support his weight and I yelled out to my mom to open the door!
I had the carrier waiting just outside the door

She's an 86 year old lying on the floor! But I was so afraid that Hank would wiggle free
and then I would never be able to get him.
And sure enough my mom managed to get up and open the door. What a miracle lady she is at her age.

We got Hank to the doctor just in time...his bladder was about to breach

It's a good thing we've saved our money and that my husband makes a good living
he is getting the best of medical care

I took my mom out for a wonderful lunch

she earned it

I guess there will be stink in the car ride



 

time for a little poem

 

 

Skunk

Sometimes, around

Moonrise, a wraith

drifts in through

the open window:

a vague cold taint

of rank weeds

and phosphorescent

mold, a hint

of obscure dank

root hollows and

mist-woven paths,

Pale toadstools and

dark-reveling worms

by, half vapor,half

shade, diffusing

The night's uncanny

essence and atmosphere

 

by Valerie worth

 

Yep, there was a skunk outside last night

 

goodness....they let their presence be known when they are challenged
I hope it wasn't one of my feral cats....
maybe just a passing possum wanting a scrap or two left between deck boards

While I was attempting to fall asleep, the wonderful world of the night creatures
was going on outside...poor animals in the winter
but who wants skunk perfume

I got an email yesterday from the feral cat group asking if anyone had room
to house trapped cats overnight to be taken to the vet in the morning
oh...I was tempted...but I want to stay married
and there are limits

Maybe I should open a shelter
I have thought about it

but my kitties here already tie me down
I have to hire a caretaker for them when I go to Galena
good thing we saved our money and my husband is a saint

Glad there is a group that traps, neuters and releases these cats
and that there are humans willing to watch over them
and thank the county for protecting these colonies of needy felines
The goal is stop all the breeding...to have stable communities

Funny...since I have become a caretaker....the word must have gone out
so far this past 6 months....three extra kitties have graced the food bowls

Tommy Feral.....a beautiful gray tabby...I think he belonged to someone...he's gone now

Ragged Ritchie....old fluffy orange and white one who has shown up for years during the cold weather for a handout...very feral....he's hasn't been seen for months
and now...
Brutus, a large white and brown striped male...unneutered, I'm certain

My Henry runs from him, hiding under the deck until he (Brutus) has eaten every bit of  food in the bowls and drank from their heated water bowl
Funny...I haven't seen him in two days..now that I think about it

poor cats...so much danger out there for them
People love dogs....will risk everything to rescue them
but cats.....they are maligned ....but there are a few of use who love all animals
and help whenever we can

I may give my character, grandma, a cat (thanks Vicki for the suggestion)
and I will also make her a good cook....
this could work to fill in the time the girl and mother sit in the car together
...3 hours... one of the critiques I received at workshop
to take advantage of the car ride.....to reveal things
What did they talk about in the car? they asked
meddlers
but I guess they are right....humph  more work

Now to begin
writing....see ya

she cooks

 

 

When all else fails , make soup

That's always been my motto

But ,I made meatball soup a day ago and finished it up today for lunch

while I was making chicken soup

...it's cold outside

 

Truthfully, I was hoping the aroma would awaken

something good in my grandma character

the grandma of my story

the one who slaps a 10 year old off of a chair

...that grandma

 

I don't think she ....oh.....yes, she just might be a good cook

why didn't I think of that before?

 

Oh good something to work on tomorrow

I can do that....

 

The family is coming home today from Disney World

I am anxious to hear about the trip

 

 I hope she captured a bit of fantasy as reality

that's the miracle of being a 2 yr old girl or boy

 

Don't we wish they had a theme park for other things

 

like being with our passed loved ones

or beloved dogs or cats or birds or turtles?

..put a quarter in the slot and get the answer to any question?

get on a stage and say what we failed to say when they were alive?

Oh it could be fun

 

I better get back to the real world real soon

step away from the anthologies

loveable grandma

I made meatball soup yesterday. It was good.

 

Today I ate two bowls for lunch while staring out my kitchen window.

 

I have so much energy I am paralyzed...and do nothing

 

but enjoy the snow falling outside

 

watching the outdoor cats snuggle in their igloo

 

watch the birds eat their cat food while they snooze

 

ahh.....what happens when you are asleep

 

Two of my grandchildren are at Disney World now

 

having fun......much needed after so much health concerns for little Tuula

 

Hopefully some suggestions and guidance from Boston Hosp will help

 

Not fair that little ones get sick...

 

But she is a trooper and my daughter is her warrior

 

 

I have spent too much time inside lately

 

A person needs to feel the elements....smell them, taste them

 

stand in the wind and let it touch you

 

stand in the sunlight...feel its warmth, despite the bitter cold in the air

 

 

I feed birds and cats outside

 

ha....a few squirrels, possum, skunk and rabbits too

 

A big raccoon was drinking water from the heated water bowl last night

 

aww...go ahead I said as I shut off the porch light

 

...you are the least of these in my book...but hurry and don't let the neighbors see you

 

 

I have been reading many anthologies of short stories

 

...according to the Ray Bradbury plan

 

I dropped the essay reading.....I knew it wouldn't last.

 

Insight....from all this reading...

 

most of it.... unfulfilling....boring...what can I say

 

sure...if I reread it after looking online for "explanations" I might get a bit more out of these stories

 

But I'm sorry....you never grabbed me enough the first time to reread you

 

When you read one of my stories...I take you for a ride...

 

I have learned to layer things....'case you want to go back and look for more. Hints that you missed

 

the first time....maybe motivations you didn't see before...that only add richness to your experience

 

with my characters...

 

  Just another kitchen writer....me

you wouldn't think I am working on writing while eating and staring
but, yeah, I am
This past fall at a writing workshop...I was made aware that I need to make grandma

more loveable....at least capable of loving in some small way

..that's what I'm working on.....

but she isn't loveable.....but I get it

...showing a speck of humanity makes her all the more frightening in her cruelty



So.....I'm enjoying bowls of soup staring out of the window

 on this cold snowy afternoon

letting my mind sort it all out

for tomorrow.....I sit and write

maybe I can have her tend geraniums..........................................

 

 

 

 

 

 



Goofing off with my mom today

Today I'm taking my mom out to lunch and then a little thrifting. We have a wonderful thrift store run by the local Christian high school.  They have a spectacular book section....my haunts..my mom loves to look at everything but buys nothing.  What do I need at my age? she tells me.
I guess I'm still young.., I still buy a few things...two weeks ago I bought 6 beautiful Christmas glasses...that a fellow shopper tried to talk me out of (Ha!)  When I washed them at home I discovered stickers on the bottom from Crate and Barrel...boy I have good taste.  AH the thrill of hunting at a thrift store. 
The weather is not too bad..28,but sunny with blue skies.  A good day to take my mom out.  She will be 86 in March....not too shabby.....no health problems either...no, I got all of those...
My daughter is due any moment now...so I have to stay ready to fly north to take care of her little one while she's away at the hospital. Its a girl....Agnes.  What an old fashioned name...that's my daughter

I am going to incredibly busy the next few weeks. My other daughter is heading up to Mayo with her little one.  Six hour drive for her. I pray the weather is good and all goes well and she gets some answers. 
Tonight we eat left overs....steak and onions and gravy...maybe over rice...not sure....I'm trying to go grain free in the New Year....but it isn't new year yet...so maybe rice.  My poor granddaughter is on a total elimination diet...kid can hardly eat anything.....so I am trying to be in solidarity with her.
some what
Maybe in the new year I will share my summer experience with you about my writing workshop....a editing workshop....wow was it fabulous
let me tell you.....I got an A
tears poured forth.....
So off I go now, glad I am posting again. No pictures for a while.....this damn computer
and google
Have a good day .....I'll let you know if I snagged a bargain

 

No White Castles tonight

It's my 45th wedding anniversary today...sorry to bore you with that detail, we all have anniversaries...if even only those of the heart.
My husband asked where I wanted to go to dinner. I thought of the place where we used to go when dating...a place he could afford...a little Chicago Greek neighborhood restaurant. Best cheeseburgers ever...and the French fries...not like the imposters served today...fresh cut fires fried in true fat.
but nah...the neighborhood is dangerous now
Then I thought of our first meeting..date....White Castles......great strong coffee...that's all we had that night....and conversation
nah...we are too old White Castles....the onions would surely kill us now

So where are we going....a local steakhouse....early...fitting for folks our age..did I tell you I just turned 65 and the old guy I love is going to be 67 on Jan 1st
Not ancient...but boy we are slowing down....and we go to bed early...and we eat less...and we watch old movies on tv
It happens

I am getting dressed up...best jewelry on...heels....sparkle
he will come home in his suit ready to go....oh yes he still works.....runs his own company
but no meatloaf tonight

we are going to have wine... and there is candlelight  at this restaurant..should be nice and cozy
cozy is good at our age....believe me...

It has been a difficult 6 months for us.....so every ordinary day is precious
So enjoy
we will do.

.....happy new year
and I mean it sincerely
 

ordinary days

My husband sits quietly
you'd never know
that he went to the mat
with the grim reaper
twice in the last month

I stand before the stove
stirring
a soup of disparate ingredients

Though prayer got us through this
its seems like so much more
was needed to chase the awful, ugly
horrifying thoughts of what if away

He never was one for emotional display
but one tear running down his face
before they took him away a second time
was a masterpiece of conveyance

I slept in a chair in the family waiting room
missing all the things of life that keep me centered
sharing my heart thoughts with strangers
that are living in this realm of waiting, too

and again after a week, a week he was to come home
...complication
and again we enter the realm
of the reaper

No, you would never know by looking at him
that he has returned from that land,
a boneyard filled landscape

His body continues to heal
but somehow that one tear
tore a slice of his ordinary days
our ordinary days

O-K-L-A-H-O-M-A

 

Happy Saint Patrick's day

 

Why does the dog always steal the show?

 

-------------

 

My head is indeed getting full of stuff Mr. Bradbury.

reading and reading

 

But yesterday it was 73 outside

so....I was outside cleaning up the garden

oh what good medicine for the soul and body

The smell of the air.......

the sound of robins chirping in the trees

the feel of the warmth of the sun on my skin

the taste of memories as I entered the zone

while working...I visited my grandfather's garden in my mind

the remembered smell of manure

and marigolds

I was taken back to a trip to Michigan

when I was so very tiny

but I remember the tall flowers, taller than me

the ducks walking around quaking

a rooster crowing

the warmth of the sun

All this roused by being in the garden

 

But today I am back inside...high winds and cool temperature

 force me to get back to writing my story of the week---

.......Somehow an apartment building came to mind......

it's about a man who goes downstairs to tell his neighbor who lives just below him

that her singing of show tunes at 6am are driving him crazy

When she opens the door to him

he sees the likes of Ruth Gordon

 

This is going to be a funny story

for sure......so back to work

I feel the story rising to be worked on

 

 

 

 

 

 

An Edgar Allen Poe dream

 

 



 

I read the Telltale Heart before going to bed

and early this morning I awoke suddenly

knowing and remembering what I had been dreaming

 

I was entering a mansion through a heavy mahogany door

and it swiftly became a revolving door

and I was spinning around in  mahogany walls that kept closing in on me

and it all stopped

 and a piece of wall cracked open

with a little shaft of light piercing through  and there it was

the eye....

.shriek!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

I'll never read him before bed again

 

-----------------------

 

Our writing group ( we are now down to 3) :(

has begun

What a great time it is meeting with these women once a week

One of them is stuck in her writing, trying too hard to control her characters 

they won't to go one way and she is determined to make them go according to her plot

oh well....do what you must....but I think the characters know better

The other woman is onto a great story about an escaped slave

...and me....I presented them my story for the week and they all cried

It was an emotional piece

and it did unburden me from something from the LISTS

 

The little girl character has appeared in many of my stories

..in fact they did recognize her.....Is this the girl you wrote about in another story

...Three other stories.....I said

There is a lot of energy to this girl from my childhood

a tragic event that happened

But not until I began my Bradbury way

did I write almost the truth...what I mean is

the truth of my shame

the story is fiction, but the shame was released in the writing

 

I didn't realize the burden of this character, so I put her in stories in different ways....

...I wrote around it

Bits of her story appearing in my stories

yes, she had an alcoholic father

yes, she had a mean grandmother

yes, there was a fire

 

I used all that in stories

 

but the engine of my writing about her was hidden to me

and I never wrote the true story

until I heard Mr. Bradbury's lecture

--------

Almost everything I write is in first person

and I am always having to say that it is a fictional story...sort of like trying to defend myself

that's how it feels.....I have worked hard and used skills to write that story and somehow I thought and still do think

they were dismissed by some  because they think I am only writing about something from life

and not using imagination to write it

but they are wrong....my stories gather things from me, but they are fictional

it didn't happen to ME...it is a story

 Surely something of me is in there, but it is made up

 

But this time it was pretty darn close to the actual event

things changed to make it a better story...because that is what my goal was...story

 

but the haunting hidden thing I unveiled was shame

a shame a little girl.....me.....

had wrongly incorporated into her very being and hidden until it was no more

but oh lordie....it was there

and this little 550 word short revealed it to me

 

no wonder they cried

but it is still a story

 

 

 

 

I thought it was something I said

Marilyn

.....not her real name

 

 

In 2005 I became a workout freak

 

I was very disciplined about my diet and exercise

 

paid off with good results....I looked good

 

That year I saw a good friend in the grocery store

 

she walked right by me....didn't even recognize me

How'd you do it? she asked

Hard work I told her

 

 

 

 For years we had worked hot lunch at school every week

 

We adored each other.

 

 

She married a Lutheran boy,even though she was a strict Catholic

 

we used to laugh about that....I said all the Catholics girls stole all the Lutheran boys

 

She was so much fun to be with.

 

But she always complained about her weight and her bad complexion....

We were friends until our children graduated and went to high school
She was a situation friend I guess....the situation of grade school lunch had brought us together as pals

 

So when I spotted her years later again in the grocery store
 

I was shocked to see how wonderful she looked

...thin....great haircut.....clothes that fit her perfectly
make-up and earrings

 

I tried to get through the checkout quickly

to try and catch up with her,

but it wasn't meant to be that day

I somehow wished it was something that I had said to her
 so many years ago
that had inspired her

Oh ego......it wasn't

Last year I was skimming through our local paper and stopped
to read and re-read an article about a woman charged with
stealing from her employer
it was Marilyn

After getting over my shock, I remembered the week she had gotten that job
A job that she hoped would help her family
She started happily at $7.50 an hour
She hadn't worked since she had gotten married.
and she was thrilled to start a new phase in her life

I also remembered the times I kidded her about how lucky she was to be Catholic
Yea, she said......I can be bad then go to confession

She had stolen almost a million dollars from her dear employer
who I am sure cried, like I did, when he found out.......she was the kind of person everyone liked
even loved

Now that is not a small amount of money


I still can't believe it...
but I saw her mug shot online
and an article about how she had set up a separate account where she deposited
her employers checks to herself
...thus the lavish living and good looking style
I often think if I would have picked something up about her if I had
been able to catch up with her that day at the store.

probably not.....

I hadn't been an inspiration to her after all

I only bring this up because of all my writing lately
I made my list
I have written 3 short stories so far
read until my eyeballs are about to fall out
Made my list of things
I hate, fear and love

Marilyn appeared on that list

...on the rumblings list  (that's my category)

I think of Marilyn every time I work out or go to the store
....if this could happen to her ..could it happen to anyone...
...I sat down and wrote a story

 Marilyn....she got 7 years in prison





 

 

 

 



Essays.....not so much, but we'll see

I'm finding that I haven't read many essays.

Since starting my one essay a day, I realized there was a reason for this....I haven't liked the ones I did read. 

 

But there must be a reason Bradbury insists that you read them.

 

 

I've ordered the above book of essays by Donald Hall. He was married to one of my favorite poets, Jane Kenyon.  A curmudgeon of a man. I think part of him just died when she died of leukemia. I anticipate some strong, unlikeable writing here.  But I am sure, very interesting in its own way.

 

I am also searching on the internet for essays. I don't own one book of essays. Maybe this one above, will be the only one I will own. But maybe this kind of writing will open up things in my writing that I never knew existed. Or maybe not.

 

Reading one poem a day is like cheating.........a pleasurable thing I do often.

 

I have been reading Hitchcock's collection of short stories, and Eudora Welty and Flannery O'Connor's.  This is a wonderful assignment Mr. Bradbury. So much better than watching The Housewives of here or there.

 

Along with all of this I continue reading novels.  My current one is, House Broken, by Sonja Yoerg.

After this one I have two more on my list:

Under the  Mercy Trees, by Heather Newton...recommended by our dear writer blogger friend, Vicki

The Knife, by Ross Ritchell......written by a friend of my daughter's, his first novel

 

I also like to read non-fiction books on such topics as  health, meditation, and of course...writing.

Right now I am reading,  Stein On Writing

 

Last night I finished writing my first one-a-week short story.  It's rough, but it's not bad. It was about something I feared.   Set myself up for a few bad dreams...

 

Update on my other life......house mom to kittens

 

I have fallen in love with all my kittens.......One I am keeping, one has a home as soon as I can catch him and get him fixed, one that is coming around to being petted and cuddled...and then there is Fiona........

 

all I can say.....there's always one

 

and I will cry my heart out when they are gone....truly I will.

 



What you love, what you fear, and what you hate

 

 

 

 

 

Aren't we all sick of snow and cold?

 

Besides taking care of and socializing the kittens

I have been reading a whole bunch.

 

My friend called and wondered if I wanted to go to a workshop in October

....oh isn't possible that October will be cold?

It's a rewrite and revision workshop.

Well since my computer has been down,

I haven't written much

Until....

I listened to a lecture by Ray Bradbury on my Ipad

It was a lecture about writing.

Wow, I love this guy.

He is kick ass about writing.

I remember one of my favorite shorts by him,

 

Bless Me Father For I Have Sinned

 

He stated in this lecture, that for him ,writing is about someone saying they connected

with what he'd written....that they were thankful for what he had written

that they found joy in what he wrote

hopefully as much joy as he had in writing it

Joy...why you should write--

It should bring you joy.

 

He went on to say that the three things that  you should examine in yourself

 are

what you love

what you fear

and

what you hate

 

 

Then he went on to give this advice:

Don't start trying to write a novel.......yea sure...I don't have to worry about that..

Start by writing a short story a week! ..

 

that's 52 short stories for a year....yikes...

 

Then he said it is imperative that you

read

One short story A DAY

one poem A DAY

....and not the modern poets....they're crap, he said

look to the masters...like Frost and Pope

Then read

One essay A DAY

.....on varied subjects

 

He assured...that if you do this, you will fill your head with stuff

and if you write one short story A WEEK...they won't all be crap

there will be good stuff

 

If you hit a writer's block....dump it....it's not truth

 

So I started to do all this...and man....oh man....has it lit my wick

 

one story a week

I actually think by next month I will be writing two a week

love, fear, hate.....

 

Now to word associate

 

I also took out some class notes from a prior workshop

where we were to listen for "found language"..eavesdrop

 

My were:

 "nobody's going to be arrested"

"he's all whiskers and gray"

"I like the reverse"

"I steep my tea bag a bit longer"

"my mouse is frozen, now what?"

and "lady slippers are behind our cabin"

 

Why not start with these, I thought

 

Bradbury's Martian Chronicles started out as a collection of short stories

and a publisher in New York said they didn't publish shorts

But could he go home and outline them to form a novel?

...the rest is history...

 

Snow...cold...who cares...I'm busy

 

Oh, I just finished a delightful book

 

A Man Called Ove

 

Maybe give it a look

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 





Words on a snowy day

 

 

Hello there...

My computer has a patch job, so it is working...how long...no one knows

I wish I could say the same thing about blogger....and picasa...I still can't post photos

 

and what am I without pics

just words.

 

so it will have to do...except for the photo above taken on our way home from Galena Il

 

snow and sunshine and blue skies and clouds....add fields and hills

and you have magic being sighted

 

Here's a poem....a little one written by Valerie Worth

 

 

 Snow

 

Garden's, fields,

the far hills,

lie deathly

with white winter,

 

Wide drifts

and heavy deeps

made only of

each snowflake fallen,

 

Like these many

still falling, these

few still alive

on my sleeve-

 

None anywhere

ever like

this one, this

very one.

 

 

When I stop and remember this small poem

...remember  it

after just having grumbled about another day of snow and cold

I am taken down with shame

 

Have I really lost the child within?

The power of poetry...ahhh

 

I am a child again

happy and joyful

filled with awe at what I see before me

a miracle of tiny flakes

glistening

their beauty back to where they have come from

 

I glisten too

 

..the power of just words

 

 

no computer

Been sick,Getting over a horrible virus that has taken me down since  Christmas

But I do read you all

and glory be one of my most beloved bloggers posted

I have tried using my IPad  but fat fingers and advancing age make it hard

I hope to have a computer soon

So look out..........,so much pent up writing

Cats and kittens doing well

It's my birthday......just saying

Next year my mom is hosting a Medicare party for me

Birthdays...at my age... they are important...consider the alternative!
but the hoopla isn't as important as it was,say when I was  10
I like a phonecall....a card......flowers....
.wish my birthday were in summer
then I could really get some good stuff for the garden....but heck at my age
if I want it I usually buy it myself...Who knows better than me what calls to me at the market
or store?
So....dinner it is today ....with family.......or whoever shows up to sit next to me...
no birthday cake please...watching the blood sugar....
no gifts.....just a smile and a "glad you were born"loving hug
Thanks mom ...you did all the work
to make it happen

Oh...did I tell you my little brother, Tim was born on my birthday 12 years later?
I take my thank you back Mom....nasty trick :)

whose house is this?

 

This has been harder than I thought.

Socializing

I have spent time on the internet researching this topic

and I have found a lot of helpful info 

But to be honest.....it's a heap of work

We are working on getting them to be dependent on us for feeding

moving the bowl closer and closer each time with us sitting on the floor in front of the bowls

got past that hurdle....now

we have to get them to eat off of our finger..baby food...chicken

they love it

This morning I came down and I found my husband feeding three of them

out of the jar....

They  have escaped out of the study and are running around the house...they sound like wild horses..

but a good thing is .....noise and the other cats don't seem to frighten them

progress

 

Now the hardest step....touching them

So far I have touched two.....cornered them in the closet

I held them tight to me and talked to them

they calmed down and let me hold them....

no bursting heart rate...no hissing no biting or scratching

But boy were they happy to be let down

Hank the tank and Mr Grumbles are still to be touched and held

But boy...I needed this job like a hole in the head

The parents have forgiven me and are showing up twice a day to be fed and are using the heated house outside on the deck

....not the ideal life for  beautiful cats but it works for them

My Boo, Ms.Kitty O'Shea and Abigail seem to get along with them just fine

 

I think it is good for them to have adult cats to mentor them

I wish

 

 

 



a still house, a stirring heart

They have all left now

 

There are still dishes to wash

 

towels to be picked up

 

sheets to change

 

...toys and books to be put away

 

The silence of the house was closing in on me

in an odd way

So what did I do

I put on Josh Groban's Christmas CD

 

tears started to fall....good tears

 

How I love my family

 

and how much do I love them all together

 

a neat trick if you can do it

 

 

It is Finn's 5th birthday today

 

we are going to CHOO CHOO Johnny's

 

Where our meal is delivered by a little train

 

how fun is that?

 

Then off to Build a Bear...heh, that's what he wants

 

Then later they will be off to the Bulls game with Grandpa

 

Grandpa......I have hardly ever talked much about him

Let me tell you

I am married to the kindest, generous loving man on earth

 

He'd have to be ...to let me keep 7 new cats in the house....

 

they are all doing well

But the day is coming soon when I will have to let go of the precious kittens

all of whom I have let into my heart

....but we must love

and we sometimes must let go

 

Just like waving at the suv pulling away from my driveway

my grandchildren crying in the back seat and waving goodbye

 

Our hearts heal...but they never close..at least not mine

Life and love go on

as it should

But for today I will be a bit sad

the house so quiet now

 

 

 



and then there were 4



Early Thanksgiving morning, while it was still dark

while we were hurrying to leave the house to head to our home in Galena

I found a precious kitten had passed away during the night

I cried so hard

We called him Artful Dodger...Artie for short

Rest in peace little one....

life is so unfair

where we are born
to whom we are born
the worth of our birth
so random
But Little kitty, you were loved by me
and for this I can take comfort
 

 

v-i-c-t-o-r-y

 

 

 

 

You can't imagine how exhausted I am

 

dead tired

 

 

but I got him...the last hold out

who sob sob spent the frigid night outside all by himself

 

I would tell you about the comedy routine it was watching the last two

try and get the food out of the trap without going inside

ha!...don't they know the trap maker figured that one out

 

but it was pure giggles watching it

 

Finally the little gray one just had to go in....snap!

 

I got him right away...but that sent the big one I call

Joey white toes

sent him under the deck

 

...until this morning

when he finally came out from under the deck

and he too let his hunger get the best of him

 

and believe me...he wasn't the last one trapped for nothing

what a toughie....I really had my hands full with that little guy

and scratches to prove it

 

but all is calm for now

they're eating, sleeping playing

 

and watching tv

 

Mom and dad....Fiona and Ralphie

are safe downstairs recuperating

 

and now to get ready for daughter in law and the kids to arrive tonight

 

..I told you I'm exhausted

 

thanks for listening

I'm sorry I've bored you about my troubles

..because I know most people don't care for cats

....but maybe you care about me

so thanks