a few thoughts

 

 

Something has happened to me this past year

 

I got old

 

 

no, really.

 

in the spirit I got old

 

physically I am just aging..

creaking and aches and all that comes with age

 

But the realization that life is getting harder is not nice

 

 My husband has had health challenges as have I

 

and the funerals that we've attended

 

of dear friends

 

My writing buddy, the one I traveled every year to workshops with

 

died

 

I called her Indigo

like the color of a starry night

 

She once got caught in the woods while at a workshop, and spent the night hugging a tree for safety

one lonely star in the sky as witness

she made it through just fine

but we went back the following year and held a ceremony

at the tree, her tree

and blessed it with incense and beads

 

She was that kind of a person

 

When I went to the hospital to be with her

she was sedated

I leaned over and whispered in her ear

MaryAnn...Indigo. It's Sue

She opened her eyes and tried to sit up

oh

 

She was taken off of life support days later

 

I can't believe she is gone

my hero

She was my Lone Ranger and I was her Tonto

 

Bad enough I haven't written in a year. I lost my writer within

but the loss of my writing buddy has been heartbreakingly paralyzing

 

 

I saw daffodils this morning.

I saw them just outside of my kitchen window, pushing their way into new blooms

pushing through debris and barrenness

 

This touched me

So much in my life has seemed barren

but now I feel a stirring of life within me just aching to bloom again

Maybe sharing a bit with you is a beginning

I have read all my blog friend's blogs but was frozen to write a comment

 

but maybe its Spring within me

 

love