Monday, March 12, 2018

a few thoughts

 
 
Something has happened to me this past year
 
I got old
 
 
no, really.
 
in the spirit I got old
 
physically I am just aging..
creaking and aches and all that comes with age
 
But the realization that life is getting harder is not nice
 
 My husband has had health challenges as have I
 
and the funerals that we've attended
 
of dear friends
 
My writing buddy, the one I traveled every year to workshops with
 
died
 
I called her Indigo
like the color of a starry night
 
She once got caught in the woods while at a workshop, and spent the night hugging a tree for safety
one lonely star in the sky as witness
she made it through just fine
but we went back the following year and held a ceremony
at the tree, her tree
and blessed it with incense and beads
 
She was that kind of a person
 
When I went to the hospital to be with her
she was sedated
I leaned over and whispered in her ear
MaryAnn...Indigo. It's Sue
She opened her eyes and tried to sit up
oh
 
She was taken off of life support days later
 
I can't believe she is gone
my hero
She was my Lone Ranger and I was her Tonto
 
Bad enough I haven't written in a year. I lost my writer within
but the loss of my writing buddy has been heartbreakingly paralyzing
 
 
I saw daffodils this morning.
I saw them just outside of my kitchen window, pushing their way into new blooms
pushing through debris and barrenness
 
This touched me
So much in my life has seemed barren
but now I feel a stirring of life within me just aching to bloom again
Maybe sharing a bit with you is a beginning
I have read all my blog friend's blogs but was frozen to write a comment
 
but maybe its Spring within me
 
love
 
 
 
 


12 comments:

  1. Sending you huge hugs and courage and fortitude and comfort, dearest Suz. The daffodils are so very persistent...may they inspire you! xoxoxoxo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. yes, like a truly persistent friend
      who never gives up on you
      blooms along side of you
      always

      Delete
  2. Spring is amazing. We each have an opportunity to emerge again and express our next level of who we are in this life.

    I was so excited to see your present post. It is sad, sweet and a surprise.

    Be well.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. oh my, you still came for a visit.
      next level...yes that's it dear friend and wise one
      thank you
      I saw 3 owls last week. two in a tree sisde by side
      the other flew over my car with giant spread wings that startled me. It was so dark and here were these wings over me in the light of my car
      I think owls are messengers...

      Delete
    2. oh, what ever became to Bethany? I think of her often. She suddenly stopped blogging and I miss her

      Delete
  3. So sorry to hear of the loss of your friend. It's such a lovely post. Ah, and feeling the stirrings of spring .... it's magical.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I never thought Id be old in spirit, but I am
      but being with such wonderful blogging women again is a God send
      I read through your blog again yesterday and remembered how much I liked it
      I love crones and old crows

      Delete
  4. Suz, ((tender hugs)). I totally understand. We're in the same age bracket. Your fans have felt the loss of not reading your posts & now we're happy to see you emerge from your silence...like the daffodils.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. oh Janean how I have missed you!
      what are you up to? have you finished your cottage?
      I looked to find your email, but not even there could I find you
      So seeing your comment brought great joy to me!
      tender hugs to you too dear dear friend...
      I feel healing within me...thank you all

      Delete
    2. Suz, we not only finished our cottage, but sold it June 2017 and moved back to Georgia to be near our son, grands, brother & SIL! Yes, ma'am! Life. Go figure?

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    3. ha! I get it, truly, I do
      The best of life has been being a grandmother to 6!
      I remember it was just yesterday I was nagging
      and praying to have just one
      But they sure waited long enough to have them...now we're old
      playing on the floor is a challenge
      I wish we could have seen the cottage transformation oh well

      Delete
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    ReplyDelete

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