Friday, July 29, 2016

I'm going to a barbeque next week
and I want to show up looking good
how I wish I could still wear those heels
alas, I can't
Stinks....but I have had to make many adjustments lately
regarding getting older

Last night I tripped over the cat's toy mouse
in the dark...heading to the bathroom at 4am
good thing I have a four poster bed... that foot board post saved me
But...the four cats flying around the room like bats out of hell
with a stick of dynamite up their butt
was worth it

Yes, I have kept the feral kittens from a year and a half ago
nuts...I know
but the shelter wouldn't take them because they're feral
and know....I got attached
I have a saint for a husband
...he ignores them, but lets them stay
..a good man I married
There's an armed robber on the lose about 2 miles from here
near the store I was going to go to for a new pair of jeans
but decided to stay home because it's pouring outside
Don't you just hate an armed robber on the loose?
Five women were gunned down in that same mall about 5-6 years ago
....again I was going to go, but was too lazy to stop and get I stayed home
How many times have we had brushes with death or disaster and didn't know it?
I prayed last night
back in the saddle again

oh, that's not a picture of me.....
but a girl can dream
 ..................never did wear camouflage...darn....too late 

Thursday, July 28, 2016


I bought dill at the farmers market last week
I put it in a pitcher around the fireplace
and let it dry
It works its magic on me as I am in the business of ordinary things
a simple olfactory  delight
catching me unaware and suddenly
taking me back to grandpa's back yard
one of my saving graces of childhood
Today, it brought comfort unexpectedly
so many things on my mind that I have no power over
except for my reaction to them
and the dill stepped up
did its job
brought me to a place of safety
and a simpler time
where I just excepted its fragrance around me
connected to a bent over gray haired man
who spoke little
I loved him so
and the dill brought him to me in a magic way
I am at the point where I think I will stop praying
no one is listening
and my heart gets broken over and over again
but the dill
told me differently
remember the love always
and have faith

Tuesday, March 8, 2016

The changing of the seasons
a welcome quickening of my heart
swelling buds
robin chirps
aconites poking through
the smell of wet earth


soon the trees will awaken
and birds will be spotted with grasses and mud in their beaks
and we have nothing to do with it

except to get out our garden tools,
books, and magazines
and dream

Friday, February 26, 2016

Hank the Tank

Pot roast today...comfort food

It was a rough day yesterday.
My wonderful, funny clown of a cat, Hank the Tank
had a blocked bladder.
I have been to the emergency vet twice this month
the only time I can get this guy is after- hours it seems

TRYING TO CATCH A HARDWIRED, now house kept, FERAL kitty is
not easy
But I knew he was going south quickly.
I managed to chase him into a bedroom
 but our other male cat stuck his two cents in
and Hank froze in place long enough for me to shut the door
with Boo, the other male, safely locked out.
But I couldn't get him.
I called my 86 year old mother.
She came over and she laid on the floor looking under the bed on one side, as I looked at him from the other side.
It took a bit of talking to him and squeezing my arm under the bed
trying to get him by the scruff.
WHAM... one shot and I got him and managed to get my arm  underneath him
to support his weight and I yelled out to my mom to open the door!
I had the carrier waiting just outside the door

She's an 86 year old lying on the floor! But I was so afraid that Hank would wiggle free
and then I would never be able to get him.
And sure enough my mom managed to get up and open the door. What a miracle lady she is at her age.

We got Hank to the doctor just in time...his bladder was about to breach

It's a good thing we've saved our money and that my husband makes a good living
he is getting the best of medical care

I took my mom out for a wonderful lunch

she earned it

Wednesday, February 17, 2016

I guess there will be stink in the car ride

time for a little poem
Sometimes, around
Moonrise, a wraith
drifts in through
the open window:
a vague cold taint
of rank weeds
and phosphorescent
mold, a hint
of obscure dank
root hollows and
mist-woven paths,
Pale toadstools and
dark-reveling worms
by, half vapor,half
shade, diffusing
The night's uncanny
essence and atmosphere
by Valerie worth
Yep, there was a skunk outside last night
goodness....they let their presence be known when they are challenged
I hope it wasn't one of my feral cats....
maybe just a passing possum wanting a scrap or two left between deck boards

While I was attempting to fall asleep, the wonderful world of the night creatures
was going on outside...poor animals in the winter
but who wants skunk perfume

I got an email yesterday from the feral cat group asking if anyone had room
to house trapped cats overnight to be taken to the vet in the morning
oh...I was tempted...but I want to stay married
and there are limits

Maybe I should open a shelter
I have thought about it

but my kitties here already tie me down
I have to hire a caretaker for them when I go to Galena
good thing we saved our money and my husband is a saint

Glad there is a group that traps, neuters and releases these cats
and that there are humans willing to watch over them
and thank the county for protecting these colonies of needy felines
The goal is stop all the have stable communities

Funny...since I have become a caretaker....the word must have gone out
so far this past 6 months....three extra kitties have graced the food bowls

Tommy Feral.....a beautiful gray tabby...I think he belonged to someone...he's gone now

Ragged Ritchie....old fluffy orange and white one who has shown up for years during the cold weather for a handout...very feral....he's hasn't been seen for months
and now...
Brutus, a large white and brown striped male...unneutered, I'm certain

My Henry runs from him, hiding under the deck until he (Brutus) has eaten every bit of  food in the bowls and drank from their heated water bowl
Funny...I haven't seen him in two that I think about it

poor much danger out there for them
People love dogs....will risk everything to rescue them
but cats.....they are maligned ....but there are a few of use who love all animals
and help whenever we can

I may give my character, grandma, a cat (thanks Vicki for the suggestion)
and I will also make her a good cook....
this could work to fill in the time the girl and mother sit in the car together
...3 hours... one of the critiques I received at workshop
to take advantage of the car reveal things
What did they talk about in the car? they asked
but I guess they are right....humph  more work

Now to begin
writing....see ya

Tuesday, February 16, 2016

she cooks

When all else fails , make soup
That's always been my motto
But ,I made meatball soup a day ago and finished it up today for lunch
while I was making chicken soup's cold outside
Truthfully, I was hoping the aroma would awaken
something good in my grandma character
the grandma of my story
the one who slaps a 10 year old off of a chair
...that grandma
I don't think she ....oh.....yes, she just might be a good cook
why didn't I think of that before?
Oh good something to work on tomorrow
I can do that....
The family is coming home today from Disney World
I am anxious to hear about the trip
 I hope she captured a bit of fantasy as reality
that's the miracle of being a 2 yr old girl or boy
Don't we wish they had a theme park for other things
like being with our passed loved ones
or beloved dogs or cats or birds or turtles?
..put a quarter in the slot and get the answer to any question?
get on a stage and say what we failed to say when they were alive?
Oh it could be fun
I better get back to the real world real soon
step away from the anthologies

Monday, February 15, 2016

loveable grandma

I made meatball soup yesterday. It was good.
Today I ate two bowls for lunch while staring out my kitchen window.
I have so much energy I am paralyzed...and do nothing
but enjoy the snow falling outside
watching the outdoor cats snuggle in their igloo
watch the birds eat their cat food while they snooze
ahh.....what happens when you are asleep
Two of my grandchildren are at Disney World now
having fun......much needed after so much health concerns for little Tuula
Hopefully some suggestions and guidance from Boston Hosp will help
Not fair that little ones get sick...
But she is a trooper and my daughter is her warrior
I have spent too much time inside lately
A person needs to feel the elements....smell them, taste them
stand in the wind and let it touch you
stand in the sunlight...feel its warmth, despite the bitter cold in the air
I feed birds and cats outside
ha....a few squirrels, possum, skunk and rabbits too
A big raccoon was drinking water from the heated water bowl last night
aww...go ahead I said as I shut off the porch light are the least of these in my book...but hurry and don't let the neighbors see you
I have been reading many anthologies of short stories
...according to the Ray Bradbury plan
I dropped the essay reading.....I knew it wouldn't last.

Insight....from all this reading...
most of it.... unfulfilling....boring...what can I say
sure...if I reread it after looking online for "explanations" I might get a bit more out of these stories
But I'm never grabbed me enough the first time to reread you
When you read one of my stories...I take you for a ride...

I have learned to layer things....'case you want to go back and look for more. Hints that you missed
the first time....maybe motivations you didn't see before...that only add richness to your experience
with my characters...


  Just another kitchen

you wouldn't think I am working on writing while eating and staring
but, yeah, I am
This past fall at a writing workshop...I was made aware that I need to make grandma

more least capable of loving in some small way

..that's what I'm working on.....

but she isn't loveable.....but I get it

...showing a speck of humanity makes her all the more frightening in her cruelty

So.....I'm enjoying bowls of soup staring out of the window

 on this cold snowy afternoon

letting my mind sort it all out

for tomorrow.....I sit and write

maybe I can have her tend geraniums..........................................

Thursday, December 31, 2015

Goofing off with my mom today

Today I'm taking my mom out to lunch and then a little thrifting. We have a wonderful thrift store run by the local Christian high school.  They have a spectacular book mom loves to look at everything but buys nothing.  What do I need at my age? she tells me.
I guess I'm still young.., I still buy a few things...two weeks ago I bought 6 beautiful Christmas glasses...that a fellow shopper tried to talk me out of (Ha!)  When I washed them at home I discovered stickers on the bottom from Crate and Barrel...boy I have good taste.  AH the thrill of hunting at a thrift store. 
The weather is not too bad..28,but sunny with blue skies.  A good day to take my mom out.  She will be 86 in March....not too health problems, I got all of those...
My daughter is due any moment I have to stay ready to fly north to take care of her little one while she's away at the hospital. Its a girl....Agnes.  What an old fashioned name...that's my daughter

I am going to incredibly busy the next few weeks. My other daughter is heading up to Mayo with her little one.  Six hour drive for her. I pray the weather is good and all goes well and she gets some answers. 
Tonight we eat left overs....steak and onions and gravy...maybe over rice...not sure....I'm trying to go grain free in the New Year....but it isn't new year maybe rice.  My poor granddaughter is on a total elimination diet...kid can hardly eat I am trying to be in solidarity with her.
some what
Maybe in the new year I will share my summer experience with you about my writing workshop....a editing was it fabulous
let me tell you.....I got an A
tears poured forth.....
So off I go now, glad I am posting again. No pictures for a while.....this damn computer
and google
Have a good day .....I'll let you know if I snagged a bargain


Wednesday, December 30, 2015

No White Castles tonight

It's my 45th wedding anniversary today...sorry to bore you with that detail, we all have anniversaries...if even only those of the heart.
My husband asked where I wanted to go to dinner. I thought of the place where we used to go when dating...a place he could afford...a little Chicago Greek neighborhood restaurant. Best cheeseburgers ever...and the French fries...not like the imposters served today...fresh cut fires fried in true fat.
but nah...the neighborhood is dangerous now
Then I thought of our first Castles......great strong coffee...that's all we had that night....and conversation
nah...we are too old White Castles....the onions would surely kill us now

So where are we going....a local steakhouse....early...fitting for folks our age..did I tell you I just turned 65 and the old guy I love is going to be 67 on Jan 1st
Not ancient...but boy we are slowing down....and we go to bed early...and we eat less...and we watch old movies on tv
It happens

I am getting dressed jewelry on...heels....sparkle
he will come home in his suit ready to go....oh yes he still works.....runs his own company
but no meatloaf tonight

we are going to have wine... and there is candlelight  at this restaurant..should be nice and cozy
cozy is good at our age....believe me...

It has been a difficult 6 months for every ordinary day is precious
So enjoy
we will do.

.....happy new year
and I mean it sincerely

Friday, August 21, 2015

ordinary days

My husband sits quietly
you'd never know
that he went to the mat
with the grim reaper
twice in the last month

I stand before the stove
a soup of disparate ingredients

Though prayer got us through this
its seems like so much more
was needed to chase the awful, ugly
horrifying thoughts of what if away

He never was one for emotional display
but one tear running down his face
before they took him away a second time
was a masterpiece of conveyance

I slept in a chair in the family waiting room
missing all the things of life that keep me centered
sharing my heart thoughts with strangers
that are living in this realm of waiting, too

and again after a week, a week he was to come home
and again we enter the realm
of the reaper

No, you would never know by looking at him
that he has returned from that land,
a boneyard filled landscape

His body continues to heal
but somehow that one tear
tore a slice of his ordinary days
our ordinary days

Tuesday, March 17, 2015


Happy Saint Patrick's day
Why does the dog always steal the show?
My head is indeed getting full of stuff Mr. Bradbury.
reading and reading
But yesterday it was 73 outside
so....I was outside cleaning up the garden
oh what good medicine for the soul and body
The smell of the air.......
the sound of robins chirping in the trees
the feel of the warmth of the sun on my skin
the taste of memories as I entered the zone
while working...I visited my grandfather's garden in my mind
the remembered smell of manure
and marigolds
I was taken back to a trip to Michigan
when I was so very tiny
but I remember the tall flowers, taller than me
the ducks walking around quaking
a rooster crowing
the warmth of the sun
All this roused by being in the garden
But today I am back inside...high winds and cool temperature
 force me to get back to writing my story of the week---
.......Somehow an apartment building came to mind......
it's about a man who goes downstairs to tell his neighbor who lives just below him
that her singing of show tunes at 6am are driving him crazy
When she opens the door to him
he sees the likes of Ruth Gordon
This is going to be a funny story
for back to work
I feel the story rising to be worked on

Saturday, March 14, 2015

An Edgar Allen Poe dream


I read the Telltale Heart before going to bed
and early this morning I awoke suddenly
knowing and remembering what I had been dreaming
I was entering a mansion through a heavy mahogany door
and it swiftly became a revolving door
and I was spinning around in  mahogany walls that kept closing in on me
and it all stopped
 and a piece of wall cracked open
with a little shaft of light piercing through  and there it was
the eye....
I'll never read him before bed again
Our writing group ( we are now down to 3) :(
has begun
What a great time it is meeting with these women once a week
One of them is stuck in her writing, trying too hard to control her characters 
they won't to go one way and she is determined to make them go according to her plot
oh what you must....but I think the characters know better
The other woman is onto a great story about an escaped slave
...and me....I presented them my story for the week and they all cried
It was an emotional piece
and it did unburden me from something from the LISTS
The little girl character has appeared in many of my stories fact they did recognize her.....Is this the girl you wrote about in another story
...Three other stories.....I said
There is a lot of energy to this girl from my childhood
a tragic event that happened
But not until I began my Bradbury way
did I write almost the truth...what I mean is
the truth of my shame
the story is fiction, but the shame was released in the writing
I didn't realize the burden of this character, so I put her in stories in different ways....
...I wrote around it
Bits of her story appearing in my stories
yes, she had an alcoholic father
yes, she had a mean grandmother
yes, there was a fire
I used all that in stories
but the engine of my writing about her was hidden to me
and I never wrote the true story
until I heard Mr. Bradbury's lecture
Almost everything I write is in first person
and I am always having to say that it is a fictional story...sort of like trying to defend myself
that's how it feels.....I have worked hard and used skills to write that story and somehow I thought and still do think
they were dismissed by some  because they think I am only writing about something from life
and not using imagination to write it
but they are stories gather things from me, but they are fictional
it didn't happen to is a story
 Surely something of me is in there, but it is made up
But this time it was pretty darn close to the actual event
things changed to make it a better story...because that is what my goal was...story
but the haunting hidden thing I unveiled was shame
a shame a little
had wrongly incorporated into her very being and hidden until it was no more
but oh was there
and this little 550 word short revealed it to me
no wonder they cried
but it is still a story

Thursday, March 12, 2015

I thought it was something I said


.....not her real name
In 2005 I became a workout freak
I was very disciplined about my diet and exercise
paid off with good results....I looked good

That year I saw a good friend in the grocery store
she walked right by me....didn't even recognize me
How'd you do it? she asked
Hard work I told her
 For years we had worked hot lunch at school every week
We adored each other.
She married a Lutheran boy,even though she was a strict Catholic
we used to laugh about that....I said all the Catholics girls stole all the Lutheran boys
She was so much fun to be with.
But she always complained about her weight and her bad complexion....

We were friends until our children graduated and went to high school
She was a situation friend I guess....the situation of grade school lunch had brought us together as pals

So when I spotted her years later again in the grocery store
I was shocked to see how wonderful she looked
...thin....great haircut.....clothes that fit her perfectly
make-up and earrings
I tried to get through the checkout quickly
to try and catch up with her,
but it wasn't meant to be that day

I somehow wished it was something that I had said to her
 so many years ago
that had inspired her

Oh wasn't

Last year I was skimming through our local paper and stopped
to read and re-read an article about a woman charged with
stealing from her employer
it was Marilyn

After getting over my shock, I remembered the week she had gotten that job
A job that she hoped would help her family
She started happily at $7.50 an hour
She hadn't worked since she had gotten married.
and she was thrilled to start a new phase in her life

I also remembered the times I kidded her about how lucky she was to be Catholic
Yea, she said......I can be bad then go to confession

She had stolen almost a million dollars from her dear employer
who I am sure cried, like I did, when he found out.......she was the kind of person everyone liked
even loved

Now that is not a small amount of money

I still can't believe it...
but I saw her mug shot online
and an article about how she had set up a separate account where she deposited
her employers checks to herself
...thus the lavish living and good looking style
I often think if I would have picked something up about her if I had
been able to catch up with her that day at the store.

probably not.....

I hadn't been an inspiration to her after all

I only bring this up because of all my writing lately
I made my list
I have written 3 short stories so far
read until my eyeballs are about to fall out
Made my list of things
I hate, fear and love

Marilyn appeared on that list

...on the rumblings list  (that's my category)

I think of Marilyn every time I work out or go to the store
....if this could happen to her ..could it happen to anyone...
...I sat down and wrote a story

 Marilyn....she got 7 years in prison


Saturday, March 7, 2015

Essays.....not so much, but we'll see

I'm finding that I haven't read many essays.

Since starting my one essay a day, I realized there was a reason for this....I haven't liked the ones I did read. 
But there must be a reason Bradbury insists that you read them.
I've ordered the above book of essays by Donald Hall. He was married to one of my favorite poets, Jane Kenyon.  A curmudgeon of a man. I think part of him just died when she died of leukemia. I anticipate some strong, unlikeable writing here.  But I am sure, very interesting in its own way.
I am also searching on the internet for essays. I don't own one book of essays. Maybe this one above, will be the only one I will own. But maybe this kind of writing will open up things in my writing that I never knew existed. Or maybe not.
Reading one poem a day is like cheating.........a pleasurable thing I do often.
I have been reading Hitchcock's collection of short stories, and Eudora Welty and Flannery O'Connor's.  This is a wonderful assignment Mr. Bradbury. So much better than watching The Housewives of here or there.
Along with all of this I continue reading novels.  My current one is, House Broken, by Sonja Yoerg.
After this one I have two more on my list:
Under the  Mercy Trees, by Heather Newton...recommended by our dear writer blogger friend, Vicki
The Knife, by Ross Ritchell......written by a friend of my daughter's, his first novel
I also like to read non-fiction books on such topics as  health, meditation, and of course...writing.
Right now I am reading,  Stein On Writing
Last night I finished writing my first one-a-week short story.  It's rough, but it's not bad. It was about something I feared.   Set myself up for a few bad dreams...
Update on my other mom to kittens
I have fallen in love with all my kittens.......One I am keeping, one has a home as soon as I can catch him and get him fixed, one that is coming around to being petted and cuddled...and then there is Fiona........
all I can say.....there's always one
and I will cry my heart out when they are gone....truly I will.

Friday, March 6, 2015

What you love, what you fear, and what you hate


Aren't we all sick of snow and cold?
Besides taking care of and socializing the kittens
I have been reading a whole bunch.
My friend called and wondered if I wanted to go to a workshop in October
....oh isn't possible that October will be cold?
It's a rewrite and revision workshop.
Well since my computer has been down,
I haven't written much
I listened to a lecture by Ray Bradbury on my Ipad
It was a lecture about writing.
Wow, I love this guy.
He is kick ass about writing.
I remember one of my favorite shorts by him,
Bless Me Father For I Have Sinned
He stated in this lecture, that for him ,writing is about someone saying they connected
with what he'd written....that they were thankful for what he had written
that they found joy in what he wrote
hopefully as much joy as he had in writing it
Joy...why you should write--
It should bring you joy.
He went on to say that the three things that  you should examine in yourself
what you love
what you fear
what you hate
Then he went on to give this advice:
Don't start trying to write a novel.......yea sure...I don't have to worry about that..
Start by writing a short story a week! ..
that's 52 short stories for a year....yikes...
Then he said it is imperative that you
One short story A DAY
one poem A DAY
....and not the modern poets....they're crap, he said
look to the Frost and Pope
Then read
One essay A DAY
.....on varied subjects
He assured...that if you do this, you will fill your head with stuff
and if you write one short story A WEEK...they won't all be crap
there will be good stuff
If you hit a writer's block....dump's not truth
So I started to do all this...and man....oh man....has it lit my wick
one story a week
I actually think by next month I will be writing two a week
love, fear, hate.....
Now to word associate
I also took out some class notes from a prior workshop
where we were to listen for "found language"..eavesdrop
My were:
 "nobody's going to be arrested"
"he's all whiskers and gray"
"I like the reverse"
"I steep my tea bag a bit longer"
"my mouse is frozen, now what?"
and "lady slippers are behind our cabin"
Why not start with these, I thought
Bradbury's Martian Chronicles started out as a collection of short stories
and a publisher in New York said they didn't publish shorts
But could he go home and outline them to form a novel?
...the rest is history...
Snow...cold...who cares...I'm busy
Oh, I just finished a delightful book
A Man Called Ove
Maybe give it a look

Thursday, February 26, 2015

Words on a snowy day

Hello there...
My computer has a patch job, so it is one knows
I wish I could say the same thing about blogger....and picasa...I still can't post photos
and what am I without pics
just words.
so it will have to do...except for the photo above taken on our way home from Galena Il
snow and sunshine and blue skies and clouds....add fields and hills
and you have magic being sighted
Here's a poem....a little one written by Valerie Worth
Garden's, fields,
the far hills,
lie deathly
with white winter,
Wide drifts
and heavy deeps
made only of
each snowflake fallen,
Like these many
still falling, these
few still alive
on my sleeve-
None anywhere
ever like
this one, this
very one.
When I stop and remember this small poem
...remember  it
after just having grumbled about another day of snow and cold
I am taken down with shame
Have I really lost the child within?
The power of poetry...ahhh
I am a child again
happy and joyful
filled with awe at what I see before me
a miracle of tiny flakes
their beauty back to where they have come from
I glisten too
..the power of just words

Friday, February 6, 2015

no computer
Been sick,Getting over a horrible virus that has taken me down since  Christmas
But I do read you all
and glory be one of my most beloved bloggers posted
I have tried using my IPad  but fat fingers and advancing age make it hard
I hope to have a computer soon
So look out..........,so much pent up writing

Cats and kittens doing well

Friday, December 12, 2014

It's my birthday......just saying

Next year my mom is hosting a Medicare party for me my age... they are important...consider the alternative!
but the hoopla isn't as important as it was,say when I was  10
I like a phonecall....a
.wish my birthday were in summer
then I could really get some good stuff for the garden....but heck at my age
if I want it I usually buy it myself...Who knows better than me what calls to me at the market
or store?
So....dinner it is today ....with family.......or whoever shows up to sit next to me...
no birthday cake please...watching the blood sugar....
no gifts.....just a smile and a "glad you were born"loving hug
Thanks mom did all the work
to make it happen

Oh...did I tell you my little brother, Tim was born on my birthday 12 years later?
I take my thank you back Mom....nasty trick :)

Thursday, December 11, 2014

whose house is this?

This has been harder than I thought.
I have spent time on the internet researching this topic
and I have found a lot of helpful info 
But to be's a heap of work
We are working on getting them to be dependent on us for feeding
moving the bowl closer and closer each time with us sitting on the floor in front of the bowls
got past that
we have to get them to eat off of our food...chicken
they love it
This morning I came down and I found my husband feeding three of them
out of the jar....
They  have escaped out of the study and are running around the house...they sound like wild horses..
but a good thing is .....noise and the other cats don't seem to frighten them
Now the hardest step....touching them
So far I have touched two.....cornered them in the closet
I held them tight to me and talked to them
they calmed down and let me hold them....
no bursting heart hissing no biting or scratching
But boy were they happy to be let down
Hank the tank and Mr Grumbles are still to be touched and held
But boy...I needed this job like a hole in the head
The parents have forgiven me and are showing up twice a day to be fed and are using the heated house outside on the deck
....not the ideal life for  beautiful cats but it works for them
My Boo, Ms.Kitty O'Shea and Abigail seem to get along with them just fine
I think it is good for them to have adult cats to mentor them
I wish

Tuesday, December 2, 2014

a still house, a stirring heart

They have all left now
There are still dishes to wash
towels to be picked up
sheets to change and books to be put away
The silence of the house was closing in on me
in an odd way
So what did I do
I put on Josh Groban's Christmas CD
tears started to fall....good tears
How I love my family
and how much do I love them all together
a neat trick if you can do it
It is Finn's 5th birthday today
we are going to CHOO CHOO Johnny's
Where our meal is delivered by a little train
how fun is that?
Then off to Build a Bear...heh, that's what he wants
Then later they will be off to the Bulls game with Grandpa
Grandpa......I have hardly ever talked much about him
Let me tell you
I am married to the kindest, generous loving man on earth
He'd have to be let me keep 7 new cats in the house....
they are all doing well
But the day is coming soon when I will have to let go of the precious kittens
all of whom I have let into my heart
....but we must love
and we sometimes must let go
Just like waving at the suv pulling away from my driveway
my grandchildren crying in the back seat and waving goodbye
Our hearts heal...but they never least not mine
Life and love go on
as it should
But for today I will be a bit sad
the house so quiet now

Saturday, November 29, 2014

and then there were 4

Early Thanksgiving morning, while it was still dark
while we were hurrying to leave the house to head to our home in Galena
I found a precious kitten had passed away during the night
I cried so hard
We called him Artful Dodger...Artie for short
Rest in peace little one....
life is so unfair

where we are born
to whom we are born
the worth of our birth
so random
But Little kitty, you were loved by me
and for this I can take comfort

Friday, November 21, 2014


You can't imagine how exhausted I am
dead tired
but I got him...the last hold out
who sob sob spent the frigid night outside all by himself
I would tell you about the comedy routine it was watching the last two
try and get the food out of the trap without going inside
ha!...don't they know the trap maker figured that one out
but it was pure giggles watching it
Finally the little gray one just had to go in....snap!
I got him right away...but that sent the big one I call
Joey white toes
sent him under the deck
...until this morning
when he finally came out from under the deck
and he too let his hunger get the best of him
and believe me...he wasn't the last one trapped for nothing
what a toughie....I really had my hands full with that little guy
and scratches to prove it
but all is calm for now
they're eating, sleeping playing
and watching tv
Mom and dad....Fiona and Ralphie
are safe downstairs recuperating
and now to get ready for daughter in law and the kids to arrive tonight
..I told you I'm exhausted
thanks for listening
I'm sorry I've bored you about my troubles
..because I know most people don't care for cats
....but maybe you care about me
so thanks

Thursday, November 20, 2014

I got two
one last cried all night for its mom
an eerie sad call
My husband, of all people went downstairs and held it for twenty minutes
holding it and comforting he thinks he's the cat whisperer
Early this morning I put out another trap
and phew the kittens came flying out of the igloo on the deck..ha ha
they are smart ones afterall...there's a warm pad in there
I put the trap out and bam I got one right away
I have trapped the two small females....hmmm
I picked up Henry Ralph and Fiona this morning
they are resting in a large dog crate.....cost me big bucks here
Now there are 3 traps outside
it is cold but sunny...and when I got back from the clinic
the three remaining kittens were running up and down my horsechestnut tree
I tell you....this has been the hardest thing for me to do...trap an animal
I am a wreck
but I have succeeded thus far
rescuing two adult cats from continuous kittens and hunger, disease, and injury 
and kittens who were doomed to have maybe an even harder life
through no fault of their own....dumb people who value nothing
OH....I got another one
bye! !!!!

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

I got 2
5 to go....but 5 little ones
This is not pictures of them, only what they look like
they are in traps in my basement and garage
that are draped in heavy blankets to quiet them in darkness
The kittens are alone outside
I was hoping to get them first, but I am happy to have gotten anyone
I guess sardines is the trick
I transport them tomorrow at 6:30 am to a low cost feral clinic
for spaying and neutering
I bought a large dog crate to house them in while they recover
and I hope to get the kittens tomorrow
Oh and my mom's test came back fine
She's in better health than me
It was a welcome distraction today taking her for her test
She is sympathetic about the felines
My son...who just arrived from California
thinks his mom is nuts 
maybe I am
but I'm too far in to turn back

gin joint

I didn't seek this or want this
I didn't let my cat out or dump it unspayed

to have kittens
in someone else's garden
other people did this to these poor creatures
But of all the gin joints in the town they walked into mine
When I was 12 I used to see this little boy on my walk home
He always waited for me and walked alongside of me the length of his block
It got cold and he showed up with a too short coat with no buttons
and he didn't have a hat or gloves
it was so cold that I took him home
I shutter to think of what I did looking back
asking a small child to come home with me
But I did
and I took him in the house, made him some hot chocolate
while I found mittens and a hat for him
and went into my mother's button tin and found buttons
to sew on his coat
Then I walked him back home
and I don't think anyone missed him
but he was warm and happy
His name was Mikey
I have not changed
Wish me luck today....I am setting up the traps
what I'll do after that...I am not sure
I hope I get the kittens first
they still have a chance at a home
The other two....they are doomed to be feral cats
But I am taking on the task
they will be under my care
and I don't know how I'll handle all of this
but these are the least of these
and like with Mikey
I will

Monday, November 17, 2014

It's going to be 1 degree wind chill tonight
11 degrees actual temp
and I have 5 little fur balls under my deck
who the mom keeps moving back and forth between my deck and my neighbor's
Finally she brought them to eat....showed them the food bowl
and they haven't stopped eating
they love the warm chicken I provide
I went to the feral cat class to learn how to trap them
....these women have been in the biz a long time
they talk about the cats like they are nothing me ...I have an emotional investment in their wellbeing right now
...yesterday the mom cat was on to me and hid the kittens
....and then both my daughters showed up with kids
and there went that...
I missed this morning's spay appointment
try again Tuesday the woman at the clinic said
what if I get a kitten first....which I would bring inside and try to get it used to people
so it can have a chance at getting a home with a family
not to live its life outside as a feral
I am certain the mom will hide them from me or disappear
only.....I have the warm chicken
Oh I have a stomach ache thinking about all this responsibility
and to make things worse....what do I do with mom after I take her in
with entire belly this cold...oh dear...
and My family is coming in from California for Thanksgiving and we are going to galena
what will I do with a cat or kitten if I catch it?
I know you can't help me....but I just have to get it out
oh dear...would you believe I just looked out my patio door and there is another
cat looking in?

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