Sunday, July 31, 2011

Nothing sweeter than a freshed washed baby
who smells of lavendar

Nothing grander than watching your daughter
enjoy this moment
as much as you did washing her as a baby
those little moments that can almost get lost
'cause you are so busy getting it done
all of it ...raising a family
But oh so sweet when it all comes back to you
through your grandma eyes

Monday, July 25, 2011

One year ago Boo came to me
A 2 week old kitten born to a feral cat
I named him Mr. Darcy....dark and handsome
and oh so adorable
but as you can see (or not see)
he is one ball of black fur
Mr. Darcy seemed like too big a name for a 6 oz baby
So I called him my little Boo and it stuck
Well skip a year
and I am happy to say that he is one happy kitty
making friends with my husband
actually preferring my husband over me (stinker!)
I was the one who got up every two hours to dropper feed this little rascal
But just like the is always "dad"
I hope I get my reward in heaven
ya think?

Friday, July 22, 2011

 "I would like to believe when I die that I have given myself away
like a tree that sows seeds every spring and never counts the loss,
because it is not loss, it is adding to future life.
It is the tree's way of being.
Strongly rooted perhaps, but spilling out its treasure on the wind."

- May Sarton,
from May Sarton's Well

Thank you to all who reached out to comfort.
I thought of Rosaria all day, and prayed for her.
She will need our prayers.
I guess the encapsulated grief that had been put in a quiet place
reared its head yesterday. This happens very infrequently
But I guess it was because it was a sunny July day
that my brother died.....oh not so fair
the last time I saw him was on the 4th of July
I know grief is a hard thing for most people to be around, and for that I say..I'm sorry
But this blog is about my life and its journey....growing old
sharing obstacles and blessings
No one has to read it or comment
But I count my blessings for those who cared
and left a comment
I have walked the road with my family over our loss
and I know the journey is the worst
so many hopes dashed
and they are little again...holding your hand
or playing on the monkey bars
that's where they are for so long
and it hurts so badly
Faith got us through it...
the promise of the ressurection
the promise of heaven where
when it is our time
they will be there to greet us
take our hand and guide us over that river Jordan
and their faces will be glowing from the light of God
My prayers are with Rosaria

Thursday, July 21, 2011

 Teddy bear always comforted me.
I got him when I was very little and could barely see over him when I laid in bed beside him.
He had a big red ribbon around his neck.
He was so loved that his fur rubbed off and his stuffing got thin,
and my mother had to operate on him constantly
stuffing him over and over again and sewing him up.
I kept that bear until the day I left home to get married,
and that's when I committed the sin.
I told my mother I didn't want him anymore and she threw him away.

The bear in the picture is one that looks exactly like my bear.
This one I rescued from the top of a garbage can on garbage day about 20 years ago.
My mother was with me...when I rescued him.
I have never forgiven myself for letting my bear go.
So many times in my younger life I have wanted that bear.
But the day I rescued this bear....I believe someone put him on top of the can
so maybe someone would come by and cherish him.
I do.
He represents comfort to me...and a second chance...redemption.

My heart is so sad today
so horribly sad....even a walk in the garden didn't comfort me.
I didn't want to see any joy or beauty.
I could not be still...stillness only hurt.
One of the most wonderful bloggers,Rosaria
lost her beloved son on Sunday
and my heart just breaks for her...truly breaks
My mother lost her son at 24
I know this pain....this pain that seems it can never be comforted
this pain that was stirred up.

I went about my morning making beds and doing wash...
my thoughts heavy and sorrowful
 I went into the bedroom that the grandkids stayed in last week
and found that they had taken this Teddy bear out
and there he was left on the bed,
 and I tell you I felt a rush of grief
and laid across that bed and cried for Rosaria
and my mother and myself

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

 I am but a fallen leaf
on stone path
showing off the sun

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

The Mask....Magpie tale #74

 I knew it was either me or that mask.
No way could I make love with that thing staring down on us,
evil incarnate.
And the fact that he was a married man didn't help the karma thingy.
But I,"the other woman" have my standards.
I will not risk being voodooed for the rest of my life; the horned black mask gave me the creeps. He assured me he would take it down.
But that night in the darkened room he laid me across the satin sheets of his love lair,
  and I looked up and saw that it was still there above the bed.
I immediatley began to protest.....take it down or else.

Be he kept on...defying the universe within, and thunder rolled across the bed
and weird drum beating ensued as the headboard banged and banged against the wall-
pleasure forcing me to gasp and close my eyes.
And then it happened....the cursed mask fell off of the wall and struck Brett
causing a large gash in his head, and blood gushed over him and me and the satin sheets.
He moaned and suddenly went limp and quiet and the mask laid between us,its hideous eyes staring up at me.
I felt for Brett's pulse and there was none.
I dialed 911.
When the police arrived I explained what had happened.
They asked me why I had put it back up on the wall,
why I had tampered with evidence.
My body began to shake as I saw the mask
looking down on me..this time its horns glistening in the blood on it at all.
I heard one officer say to another officer, that he had found what he said was a blunt force object- on the bed.
As they took me away in handcuffs, I struggled and sobbed and glanced back at the mask
hanging on the wall.
It had a wide smile across its face.

magpie tale #74
 It was classic car show weekend in Galena
and man was it the rest of the US
But the men and women riding around town
showing off their babies..was a delight
I just love that people have passion
they light up
they smile
they laugh
they hold their heads up high
they have friends who understand this passion
ah..I think most people's lives would be enhanced with a passion or two
but it's not something you get
it's something you find
with an open heart
and the bravery to follow it
blessed are the passionate

Friday, July 15, 2011

from May Sarton's Well

Distilled...adj...produced by distillation
the process of first heating a mixture to seperate the more volatile
from the less volatile parts,
and then cooling and condensing the resulting vapor
so as to produce a more nearly pure
or refined substance

I have always loved the word distilled
dicovered it while learning to craft poetry
say it in as few words as possible

Even in the days of painting and drawing and collaging
it was always for idea, an emotion,a thought- distilled
Separate the volatile from the less volatile 
a path I have been on for decades

Interesting thing I found while creating 
was that I had volatile parts
that needed separating
I am a complex being to myself
worthy of becoming a refined substance
so today I will heat a few things
find order and beauty

Thursday, July 14, 2011

catching rainbows

 One morning I heard squealing coming from the hallway
I stopped what I was doing, which was probably cooking,
and went to find out what was so exciting.
As I turned the corner I stopped
there was my husband...Mr. left brain business man...
showing the grandkids how he had caught a rainbow
no way
I hung back and just observed this miracle
one by one they both reached into the light bouncing off of a leaded glass door..revealing prisms of rainbow light.. and held rainbows in their hands
and then they stuck their feet into the light and laughed some more
Almost as fun as the lightening bugs he helped them capture the night before
wow....the miracle of grandchildren
Now if only they could get him to watch foreign films with me

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

bouncing through a valley
of gone

message left by my computer

beloved tea set

beloved children's silverware

grandma's old theirs

little miss's decorating

garden bugs loved

All this
to let go of again

Different parts of me
opened this month
beloved that make me.
Heart parts...creative, loving, nurturing parts
needed parts...wanted parts....amazing parts

Little Miss clung to me
crying that she didn't want to go home
She wanted ...grandma
A stunning heart experience
..that's how I felt about leaving my grandpa 
and grandma
I wanted to send off her tea set with her..
but resisted the impulse...let it be a touchstone
let it be a sweet memory...a dear childhood friend
to return to
forever....always a visit with grandma and mint tea

 It's really in the balance of things
 curvy lines covering surface
  muscular figures layered behind each other

Chilmark Mass.
could have been Chicago
New York, LA

all of us commonplace
elevated ... reaching
reinterpreted works of art
moving through life

magpie tale # 73

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

My little granddaughter, here for the Fourth
all dressed up in her American dress (her word :)
The whole family was together...a harder and harder thing to accomplish it seems
We truly had an American celebration
first...a thankfulness for this day of our country's birth
remembering the men who pledge
their lives, their fortunes, and their sacred honor
Then we had a good old fashioned barbeque
-and slip and slide and watermelon
-corn on the cob dripping with butter
and then late in the evening...a wonderful fireworks display at our local park
Me...I stood in the shadow
watching them all...grateful so grateful..for all this love in my life

  US liberty
a gift we are grateful for
The Fourth of July

Saturday, July 2, 2011

 Dandelion puff ball
spider web catches stray seeds
a kite in the woods

I am still letting things settle into me
from my writing workshop of two weeks ago
..above is a haiku I wrote there on a walk looking for moments
I guess I can confess that I see The Great Gatsby in a different light
but I also confess that I wouldn't read it again...not ever
I get it....the writing, the time, the man
I took that away with me
But I just finished reading a book that made me read it in one day
stopping only to read another book that I couldn't put down...
 all in a day and a half
The Hotel at the Corner of Bitter and Sweet
I just loved it....had it all for me...

I wish I have one like that in me

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