Thursday, July 21, 2011

 Teddy bear always comforted me.
I got him when I was very little and could barely see over him when I laid in bed beside him.
He had a big red ribbon around his neck.
He was so loved that his fur rubbed off and his stuffing got thin,
and my mother had to operate on him constantly
stuffing him over and over again and sewing him up.
I kept that bear until the day I left home to get married,
and that's when I committed the sin.
I told my mother I didn't want him anymore and she threw him away.

The bear in the picture is one that looks exactly like my bear.
This one I rescued from the top of a garbage can on garbage day about 20 years ago.
My mother was with me...when I rescued him.
I have never forgiven myself for letting my bear go.
So many times in my younger life I have wanted that bear.
But the day I rescued this bear....I believe someone put him on top of the can
so maybe someone would come by and cherish him.
I do.
He represents comfort to me...and a second chance...redemption.

My heart is so sad today
so horribly sad....even a walk in the garden didn't comfort me.
I didn't want to see any joy or beauty.
I could not be still...stillness only hurt.
One of the most wonderful bloggers,Rosaria
lost her beloved son on Sunday
and my heart just breaks for her...truly breaks
My mother lost her son at 24
I know this pain....this pain that seems it can never be comforted
this pain that was stirred up.

I went about my morning making beds and doing wash...
my thoughts heavy and sorrowful
 I went into the bedroom that the grandkids stayed in last week
and found that they had taken this Teddy bear out
and there he was left on the bed,
 and I tell you I felt a rush of grief
and laid across that bed and cried for Rosaria
and my mother and myself


  1. What a touching story about this cute teddy bear, Suz !
    I'm so sorry to read this terrible news, my thoughts are with you and your friend.

  2. I am so touched with this story Suz. My prayers are for Rosaria and for her son. May he rest in peace!...

    You are such a kindhearted lady.

    God bless!


  3. When I went in to the hospital for a serious cancer operation at 39 yrs. of age. My Dad showed up with my old, childhood Teddy Bear and a sign pinned on that said "Daddy's girl". That bear stayed with me in the hospital and came home with me forever.
    Thank you for a wonderful post and a long forgotten memory.

    I can't imagine anything worse than losing a child, even a grown child. My heart goes out to Rosaria.

  4. saw rosaria's post sad...loved your tender verse...gave my old teddy to my son about a year ago when we found it in the basement...

  5. How does one ever go on after the loss of one's child? Every mother hearing this sadness weeps.
    Think of the joy that you bring to your blog and spread over your readers and your heart will lighten, in time.

  6. So very sad.

    And though we must try, words fall short to fully convey the sorrow.

  7. Finding the Teddy when you needed it is just a little miracle for you.

    Such tragic news though Suz, my thoughts and prayeres are with you all.

  8. Oh susan....just feel it if u imaginary hug anf lot of comfort from a friend u barely know...and now let me try and cheer u up...I love teddies..I have always loved 'em...and I still sleep cuddled up with 'em at night *to the extreme exasperation of my parents and absolute laughter of my friend* but somehow they are my little angels of joy. They make me happy when skies are grey.

  9. bears and memories and regret and comfort and loss and grief...such a bittersweet mix.

    wish i could bring you a comforting cup of tea, sit by your side and soothe your sadness, suz.

    i'll be holding thoughts of you and rosaria close to my heart today. xo

  10. Sons... how many times we lose them, until at last we lose them for good. My Grandmother lost her son, early and she never really lost her grief for that loss. I lost my son for 17 years, and then found him again. Life is full of mysteries. And Mothers suffer so many losses. My Sister lost her son and it is such a big grief, I guess we invest so much in our children. I love your bear, bears can be such good friends. They understand.

  11. This bear looks just like the one my son has slept with his entire life (although his is quite a bit more worn). I can imagine your remorse over throwing yours away. I have always loved Teddy Bears---have quite a few---and they are like people to me. I can't just toss them out---they all have personalities!!
    I am so sorry for Rosario. What is the name of her blog? And I am so sorry about handsome!! You were so kind to him. I'm sure he loves you wherever he is!
    And thank you for your comments on my blog! I am really feeling sort of fearless and confident in the art dept. lately!!

  12. I'm so sorry to read about your sadness Suz and the horrible loss for Rosaria. Thank you for reminding how deeply we are all connected in this blogging world.

  13. That's Uma, the blogger formerly known as m. heart, btw. ; )


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