Wednesday, March 7, 2012

 Oh bother.
So many things to do today.

I am rewriting a short story today for my writing group tonight,
expanding it in parts.....such tough critics they are ..
But I will do as they suggest. They have been right before, I hate to admit...I love them

Before I begin the process..which takes me away so quickly to another place
I need to go outside and clip a few more branches and dried stems...clean up the garden
get ready for that day when nature says,  ready, set, go!
I hunger for the days when I can go outside and sit
sit and lose myself
empty and fill
unaware of this earthly place
unaware of my heart wrapped in lead
Yesterday, while in the garden I felt a presence near me
It was quite a spooky day in the garden...First I saw that witch toy in the bed of cone-flowers
after writing about needing to find the space of home within me
Then as I clipped away, a crow caw-cawed around me.....we haven't had crows here for years
so I stopped my clipping and listened... and then I felt this presence
as I sat on the moist ground,in the warm sun..wind blowing furiously around me
I expected to turn around and find a cat next to me.....I felt a cat's presence
but there was none...
but I sat there in the soil of the earth
and was comforted.....
I have a great sorrow inside of me
it affects my everything of everything
I  carry on...but it waits for me..for my family
it smothers our troubles our dreams
it enters my stories.....seasons my soups
pollutes my breath..tightens my muscles
I wear sadness everyday
even in my moments of joy....sadness is a refrain
This I am not afraid of.....this is my path
Oh, to live in the Hundred Acre Woods.
Thanks for listening dear friends who hung in there 
to the end of to do a little yoga 
to start this day


  1. oo you gave me shivers a bit with that experience in the garden...i am glad you found comfort though...and today find all the more...

  2. thank you Brian
    you just gave me some...comfort

  3. "I wear sadness every day." And yet, you go out there and experience the newness of the year, the spring in your step, the whiff of a non-existent cat...

    I too...and tidy my house, take fiddle lessons like a child who is thirsty and hungry for a cure. Music making takes me out of my own thoughts for a while.

    Tomorrow, when it stops raining, I'll get my muscle sore with the spade, and that too will numb me for a little while so I have a chance to feel alive again.

  4. Oh dear Suz, I can hear the anguish in your voice. I wish there to wrap you in a hug and lend my shoulder for your tears. I'm totally intrigued by 'presences'...ghostly footsteps along the pathways, fragrances that linger in the air from essences past, I delight in them all. Sending you hugs of joy and rest
    Blessed Be

  5. You are so sweet Angie, it was a strange but wonderful experience
    There is nothing I can do about my sadness but wait
    ...thanks for caring I feel the hug
    it's 5+ months now....

  6. Suz, I'm sorry.
    I feel your sadness so strong through these pages.
    Good thoughts, prayers, concern, whatever one likes to call it, transport and come silently, like an invisible cat, to your side. Mine along with everyone's!
    Keep finding joy in the beauty of the world!

  7. Faith and hope and love.

    Sending you all three.


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