I let the grief in....and found life

Our dear friend ,Susan ,has been gone a week now, and it is sinking in. We could not go to Shiva the day of her funeral because my husband thought his sister near death. So we came home and all week we have been concerned about his family and Susan was gone from my mind. But no she wasn't.
At the funeral I found out that she was many years older than I thought. She would have hated us knowing that. I wondered who made the decision to snitch.
She was raised Catholic but married a man of Jewish faith and her daughters were raised in the Jewish tradition. I know her Catholic girlfriends from high school saw her through her ordeal.
At her funeral both traditions honored her. The Cantor's singing of the Psalms made me cry. A Jewish prayer or blessing was sung at the end of the service...it was very touching. But we could not go to the Shiva house. The above picture is the only picture I have of her. She is the long haired blonde on the left. That is me and hubby dancing in the middle. We had the best time that night.
.She had the most wonderful dry wit...I will miss that...I will miss how she joked about her husband... rolling her eyes....I will miss her
Shiva..meaning seven. Seven days a person sits mourning in their home that they shared with the deceased. Where their soul loved. You come to their home and sit with them...words not necessary....they are not your hosts..you come for them. The food I believe is circular.....eggs beans....so much meaning in circles.
The funeral honors the deceased, Shiva comforts the loved ones in their raw mourning.
 But why Susan...why not me?
The hairs on my head are counted and the day of life's end is written in the book of life...
the book of Life
Praise be the Lord
the book of Life
and I am comforted.