Wednesday, May 5, 2010

If it wasn't for the whimsy I keep in my life I wouldn't be able to bare the hard days of life. Which usually includes death.
The last time I saw Susan we were at Gibsons stuffing our faces on prime rib and tira misu. Today is her funeral. A brain tumor took her away from all that loved her. So much of her daughter's lives she will miss and this makes me so sad. Your mom should always be at your wedding and the birth of your first child. But God had different plans and the day that was written in the book of life for her has come.

My mother's dear companion of 10 years is nearing the end and this is weighing on me for her.
They were so good with each other. I see her more and more as a woman and not as my mother....and I grieve with her and know her heart is breaking again. But she will do fine....she is a strong woman.

My husband's sisters are coming in from Arizona today...his sister here is dying. These girls and my husband shared a very sad and lonely childhood. It is him today I worry the most about. All that crap being drudged up again.

Whimsy....all around I have shared my secret with you how I get through it all. I see the world throught the eyes of little joys that comfort me. And God is my constant companion who always has his ear bent to listen to all my groanings.

So..get through it all today...and tomorrow and who knows how long....All will be well.

And Sara.....I have you in my thoughts too.
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  1. So much sadness's amazing how we keep surviving it all. I am holding you and your loved ones in a warm blanket of love and compassion!!

  2. Thank you so much Suz..

    You are in my prayers as well.. My heart is with you!

    What I have learned over this past week is that even in the hardest of times, even when you aren't sure you can find your way back to yourself, God finds a path through the sadness and the fear and finds ways to give us peace and comfort. With whimsy, with sunshine, with kind words, with a smile, with beauty.. We can't go back to before the sad events in our lives occured, but we can find a way through them with faith and an open heart!

    You are wonderful Suz, I hope you can be on the path to peace again soon too

  3. Whimsy is one of my coping mechanisms too. I think it's a gift from God to ease the burden, just a bit.

  4. Thank you hasn't been too long for you walking a path of sorrow..and I appreciate your empathy
    And have brought me great joy in your peace....what parents you must have...and what a loving man you have found to walk through life with....blessings...blessings all around us....

  5. Oh, Suz...I am so sorry that this is all happening at once. It is almost more than one can bear. You are truly a strong woman and will be the comfort those around you need. I hope you find lots of whimsy today and can see the sunshine through the clouds. My mother always says "nothing lasts forever, not even our sorrows". No one ever really leaves us as long as there is someone to remember. It is more than a platitude, I often think of my grandmother whenever I make her cookie recipe or make a stew in her old pot.
    It comforts me to remember, that even though our lives here on earth are relatively short, if God chose to let a tree live for thousands of years, or a tortoise to two hundred, what must he have planned for us?

  6. Oh Bug..thank you others have my secret too :) are a dear one..I like what you said about your grandmother...I share this too...
    I was just looking at photos of Susan and I dancing at a party...yes good memories...
    Oh too short..especially for her daughters...they are the ones I grieve most for..their loss
    My hubby will be fine...Iam a she wolf

  7. Sweet Suz you ar in my thoughts today. I will hold you close to my heart as you heal from you loss. Keep all those wonderful memories in your everyday thoughts. Hugs to you my dear friend. Cory

  8. So sorry there is so much sadness in your life at the moment. It's good you can see the joy as well in the little things. I pray for you and your family! God be with you.

  9. Oh dear, this is an awful lot to be going through all at once. Keep your eyes on the beauty around us this spring, and on faith, of course.
    A quiet mind is not a dead mind, btw, not at all - it's a happy mind, actually!

  10. thank you heart broke when her daughters broke down crying...I never saw how much they look like her
    Happy One..thank you... are a dear...nature always fills me with happyness and joy...maybe that's why its there...
    and always faith...
    I sit and meditate and my mind quiets a bit then wanders...seems there are always things that want attention or sorting through...
    I guess I haven't gotten there yet..but I am always happy even when I'm sad...because I know All will be well

  11. Good grief they're dropping like flies!
    This was the story of my life this past year, and it literally sucked the will to live right out of me with it.
    A bit of unsolicited advice; be good to yourself, eat well, excersize, have a mani and pedi. Take time to mourn, time to find joy, and remember, we're all in this together:)

  12. Sorry to read of the sad times you are having. All I can do is send good thoughts and some love.

  13. These are the things that get us through it all. Love you.

  14. Sorry to hear you're having such a difficult time, Suz.
    My thoughts are with you and your family !
    Warm wishes,

  15. So sorry to read of your sad times..

    I'm with "Life in Red Shoes",in times like these you need to be good to yourself. Plenty of rest, and eat in the moment.

    Take care.

  16. Suz, we gain strength from sadness, though we might not realize it right off.... I was driving the Ontario State Parkway this afternoon for an "escape", listening to music, and thinking about all the bloggers I've become acquainted with over the past months. Your profile photo came to my mind, and I thought of the kindness it shows.

    From that, from your comments on others' blogs, and from you wonderful writings we all know that you are strong, kind and caring.

    You will prevail through the sadness....


  17. There are hardly more or more loving words than those expressed by your friends above, but please add my heartfelt sympathy and prayers for all of you. Peace.

  18. you can learn and grow stronger via sorrows...
    Happy mother's Day!

  19. so sorry Suz.
    I have not been around.
    Thinking of you.
    I have a star on my window like the one hanging off that gorgeous sculpture.


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