Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Breakfast with Buddha and Caprese Salad

I believe that answers come
when you least expect them
and not in the ways you expect them.
My husband says I have been talking my head off at night
The only dream I can remember is horrifying..warning!
I dreamed  I spit out a large larva

Yesterda,y I had my makeup done at the Dior counter
with one of their NY makeup artists.
It started well.....he noticed me walking in
kept looking at me...then said he knew, he knew me
Another woman was working on my foundation ( I know I have just lost all of my men readers)
But he came by and said he would finish my eyes
When he finally got to me, he asked me if I was a writer or an artist.
This shocked me, but he said  "I just knew it"
I won't bother you too much more about the details..except for this one
....when teaching me how to make my eyes stand out he said..A woman in her forties
should do this and that......I just about fainted....I'm 60, I told him
And you know what, despite what my husband says...I know he meant it....he was in disbelief
I do have good skin, few wrinkles and I dress like a woman ( okay you few remaining men, you know what I mean?)
Well, I left that place stinging like a bee and floating like a butterfly.....bring it on world
The feeling lasted all night ,all why am I telling you this? There is a reason.

When I walked into Macy's and saw all those young women getting their makeup done, I nearly turned around and went home. Who are you kidding, I asked myself.  Crossroad. Well, I straightened up my posture and put myself right in it. It was the best hour and a half I have spent in a long time. He even got me to confess that I would love to do improv....where did that come from?   We were all having a great was an infusion of joy and energy. 
Unlike today when I was at the library getting the book ,Breakfast with Buddha,for my bookies group.
I stopped into the book sale room before leaving and there right on the shelf was The Great Gatsby, for a dollar...hardbound.  If I decide to go to Door County this summer for the writer's workshop, this is the author we will be studying. I would have to submit work. He knows me. I haven't gotten very far in my novel or collection of short stories or have a complete chapbook I had been wavering about whether to go. Boom....class closed..I'm on the waiting list.   There are other reasons why I don't want to go. I'm a coward in this regard....regressing.
But when I saw Gatsby on the shelf right in front of me......ANSWER.

A young woman began talking to me in the middle of this "universe and me" conversation. She actually used F words repeatedly, telling me her saga about unemployment and losing her condo and getting rifffed off her teaching job....bastards all of them she said. I don't even want a F'n teaching job anymore....politics....She went on for about 8 mnutes bending my ear with the most disgusting attitude I have heard in a long time.  Blaming everyone ...nasty woman. They did the right thing riffing this one....nuts and miserable....and I think it is her life's story...blame.
I left the library feeling like a drained bee and sinking butterfly.......some people can do that to you.
I took myself to lunch, Buddha book in hand and began reading.
Ah ,a good book, so far and in first person (my favorite)....first chapter touched me emotionally, hit a truth.

And those answers:
-I am younger than I think
-yes a larva inside of me
-believe others when they see it in you
-if I get called....go gatsby
-beware of the sappers in life
-feel the pain of loss when it comes unexpectedly
-read good books,become a good writer
& eat caprese salad at least once a week


  1. What a delightful ramble, true or not.
    I hope it's all true and that you won't the depressing woman spoil any ore of your life.

  2. I just had to let it roll...clear out the junk
    it's all true...and there is more..but enough already
    thanks Friko for your comments

  3. A delightful read as ever Suz. Your birth certificate may say you are 60 but I believe your heart and soul tell a different story and this will manifest itself in your physical appearance. The vagaries of fate can lift us up or throw us down, however.............this is only if we let it. You know who you are!

  4. Actually you didn't lose you men readers! 'Course being in retail I'm a captive audience. But yes, don't you love it when someone tells you you're NOT as old as you are? Me: 57 (8 in July). Frequently told: Early 40's. I'll take it! I don't know anything about "good skin", though. As long as I've got it, it's good!

    And you're correct about the toxic people. I'm trying to keep my distance, and that's not always easy. Good advice in your little rant...

    PS: From your small profile pics, I've always seen a profound "kindness" in your eyes. It shows in your writing; it's the Buddha within.....


  5. Another "not lost" male reader. Though I wonder why the uni. sent the complainer to you? Sometimes we need to have compassion for ourselves, and sometimes for very unlikable others. Or perhaps complainer just needed you for your Buddha listening skills?

    Hard being brave in this writing lark, but sometimes you just have to "jump and the net will appear." (Julia Cameron)

  6. You're on a roll! First the makeup pickup, then the book(s), then the connection to the workshop. I think the skies are decidedly in your favor.

  7. Suz, good for you for not turning around but, instead, marching right into Macy's and showing those twenty-somethings a thing or two! And good for you, too, for not letting the 'energy vampire' (that's what I call negative people) get you down.

    But, it was nice of you to listen to her; maybe she had just reached her breaking point and couldn't stop herself. Or maybe she was just a thoughtless idiot, but, either way, it was still kind of you to listen to her!

  8. John,
    Why am I constantly having to know who I am? From inside looking out my eyeballs..I'm still in the game..
    but 40's..ha ha But you're right...take it and run! My husband says the guy was flirting..I don't look in my 40's..I just think this guy thinks every woman at 60 looks fried
    And as for the toxic woman..whoa.was she ever..she ranted at me in that tiny 8x8 room
    I have that face...and it is a true face..I do care and I did care but the light went on that she was nuts..I couldn't get to the door fast enough..and she followed me out..yikes
    Buddha're sweet..but just as long as I don't start looking like Buddha on the outside

    Oh Michael..I wonder about why she was sent to me too, as I stood there, Gatsby in hand, my ear turning red from the F words...I think it was contrast. This is what unhappiness really looks like...not fear of showing up to workshop in front of your favorite teach, hands half empty...she exuded hate. Workshp should be as Tess says,easy peasy, for a happy person like me...get some guts girl
    Jump you say..Don't you know I'm 60
    You are a wise right. I wish I could tell you his Sharon Stone makeup tip...;)
    Victoria, thanks for jumping in
    I nearly froze when I saw all those young women...I had to tell myself in the shoe department to keep walking..You're a woman aren't aren't dead...Show them how a woman of your age does it..and low and behold I shined hee hee, even if it was BS..BS is good now and then
    OH and that energy was she ever...I was trapped in that little room and when she took a breathe I tried inching my way to the door..I was stuck in the literary section...she in cookbooks by the door....I moved she moved...At first I tried to cheer her up...but some people love wearing misery..In fact I told my Husband today I had been stuck in the book closet with Kathy Bates of Misery (The movie that frightened him to death) It was like a lesson in values in drawing class....dark/light....makes everything reveal what it is

    Thank you all for your I feel better

  9. what a day you had suz...with learning woven all the way through.

  10. Ha ha Karen...looking back at it from the safety of my home..I did learn a whole bunch about myself...when will this learning end? ---don't say it

  11. I know a woman like the one you met - suing the company the RIF'd her - but if you talk to her for 5 minutes you know why they let her go. It's sad & really there's nothing you can say to make them not crazy...

    I love your makeup counter experience! Today is my 47th birthday - & I'd say that in the last three years I've started looking my age. I need to start caring a little more so I'll get compliments when I'm 60!

  12. Suz, wow, so much going on!

    I know all about the energy vampires. Buddha was perhaps the first to say something to the effect of "what you think, you become" and I've seen this manifest again and again in both positive and negative ways for people, and for myself. It's the law of attraction, right? Positive attracts positive and negative attracts negative. I think with your thoughts and "go get 'em" attitude you are attracting power and positivity for yourself!

    As for the class, don't feel like you're regressing. There is a very good chance that the reason you may not end up doing this particular class is because something more appropriate is coming just around the corner. Life seems to have a way of working out like that.

  13. M.Heart, funny you should say that. The woman who is hosting our Bookies group called me last night. She is dying of cancer. But she is healthier than most people I know. She is the one who got me interested in meditation and yoga and attraction. She was my loudest and best cheereing section when I changed my life...She thought I had things to teach her! Anyway we began talking about hospice..You know I think I will write a post on this..thanks

  14. Bug...dial into your womaness
    and then watch out
    oh, and sleep naked

  15. "beware of the sappers in life
    -feel the pain of loss when it comes unexpectedly
    -read good books,become a good writer
    & eat caprese salad at least once a week"
    I just cut and pasted these commandments into where the missing ones were (that I cut from my King James version)!

  16. Hi Suz,

    Very REAL post. Being sensitive and in tune to other people are projecting is both a blessing and a curse.

    Cling to the good and be INSPIRED! Don't let others drag you down with them.

  17. Oh Mr. Stafford
    I just love you
    you guessed about the King James version didn't you?

    Sara...A rule of life
    be joyful


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