Wednesday, June 23, 2010

My sister in law passed away last Monday and was buried this Monday. Once again the sisters in law from Arizona came in. But this time they stayed at the other sister in law....did I tell you my husband came from a family of 10? Ten little kids that were poorly cared for....and most of them have lives that reveal this awful hole in them that cannot seem to be filled. Buckets with matter how much goes in .... My husband had his way with dealing with his terrible childhood. He stayed away from it all as soon as he was old enough. He built a life of his own with me....a nice Lutheran girl who didn't know her way around the block and whose mom and dad were always there as I grew care for me ...feed me, clothe me, love me....things that he didn't have...things he deserved to have.
He became a very successful businessman...wanting for nothing.....raising 3 wonderful children that make us proud. He was the parent he always wanted. So this past month with his family brought together again because of this illness and now death I am reminded of that bucket with a hole.
Somewhere along the way he was open to be loved...a hard thing for a child not loved. But there were people who came into his life that touched his life just at the right time..made a difference to him .... showed him how to be a decent person...and somewhere inside of him was a survivor.....this I think was a gift from God. He tells our kids that Ward Cleaver was his dad...and John get the picture.
The funeral was memorable and painful,stirring everyone up to the old wounds and hurts. But it is over and all have gone back to their lives of their choosing.
My husband and I back to our lives lived joyfully and with love.
All we could do was hold up a lantern

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  1. Tender and touching story,


  2. I'm taking it that it is your collage...expressive and perfect!
    My father had a childhood like your husbands and became a wonderful man...choices, blessings all work together to give a person the life they could only dream of...!

  3. choosing love can be magical. and the light you shed matters, suz. big time.

    thank you for this post.

    i'll be keeping all of you in my thoughts and prayers.

  4. Like you, I also had a wonderful Christian,(also Lutheran) upbringing. All that matters is life was good. Sad that it was difficult for your husband, but wonderful that tho the adversity, he prevailed. He found you, he found love. Your true self shows through in your daily journals and I, too, feel blessed, to have found you to be a true friend.

  5. I'm so, so sorry for your loss, but what a beautiful story of triumph over tribulation. You'd be surprised how many people went through what your husband did and came out stronger because of it. Oh, how resilient the human spirit is...

  6. It sounds like your husband was ready to choose the light anyway, but I'm glad he found you because that was like a reward for taking the right path!

  7. A bucket with holes...what a perfect description.
    My bucket is also full of holes, my husband was fortunate to his run over with love and good things.
    I have stood at the very edge more times than I care to count, and sometimes joy was not around the corner, but I too am a survivor.
    It is a choice you know, to pick yourself up by the bootstraps and go on, and those bootstraps can be pretty damn heavy.

    Thank you for your beautiful words, they lift me to a level I had almost forgotten.

  8. So sorry to hear of your loss, Suz.

  9. I'm sorry foor the loss of your sister-in-law, Suz. Your husband sounds like a special man ... it's not easy to stray from the life you saw growing up, but he sure did.


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