Friday, December 10, 2010

Just a nosh

My grandparents are trying to visit me lately, and that is a hard thing to do seeing they have been dead for decades. What I mean by this is that they have been in my thoughts excessively. Maybe it's Christmas,maybe it's that I'm heading to my 60th birthday soon. Whatever it is they are present.
Two weeks ago while driving home from downtown Chicago on the expressway I passed by a section of town that called to me with its many steeples reaching up to the sky. The old immigrant neighborhoods where every ethnic group had to have its own church, one grander than the other. I loved all the churches growing up.
Well, seeing those church steeples I knew I was near my grandfather's house.
 I could taste a sweet sadness in my being.
If only I could just exit at this ramp and drive to Seeley avenue and walk up those wooden steps and ring the bell....he would be there.
But in that instant ..that I could have... I didn't..and drove home...longing in my heart.
Then it happened again while cooking chicken soup. I threw some fresh dill in the pot, but before I did I took a bit and put it in my mouth....and there he grandfather.  Glory. I closed my eyes and the taste of dill took me to his garden and more longing. And the soup was the best I've ever made.
Then just yesterday as I was grocery shopping I kept passing and bumping into this little old woman,all bent over..about 90 degrees from osteoporosis..barely able to lift her head. But she would engage me in conversation everytime we passed,even asking me to help her reach a few items. Then when checkout time came, she hustled her way into my line bemoaning that she was in a hurry and that she needed to get out of the store before it got dark...she can't drive (!?!) in the dark she said. So I let her in line in front of me...although after doing so I noticed that the lanes on either side of us were empty. hmmm
She lifted her head as high as she could and laughed about all the treats she was buying. I shouldn't be eating all these she said with a twinkle in her eye...but I am.. Just a nosh
Oh...there's that longing again...seeping into me....My grandmother used to always say that...go ahead have a nash....
I will be 60 on Sunday and here I am longing to be a little girl surrounded by my grandparents. When I look back on all the decades...the first one was magic to me...pure love. We lived downstairs in my grandpa's house...When I think back on those memories there... they are wrapped in golden light.
Whatever is going on with me....regarding them...

let it be...for their visits are glorious


  1. What wonderful memories, Suz. Hope you have a very happy birthday.

  2. These have to be messages from them, Suz. Especially the "nash" incident. I mean, how many people actually use that term? Coincidence? I don't think so. I believe that we are guided and visited through their love.

    "Nash?" Really? She was there, Suz. And smiling right along with that little lady...


  3. Audrey and are right it was her and it was him
    ....a visit that I so needed
    and Rick..nash..ha! the only one I know that used that word growing heart was pounding when I heard this woman say it

  4. I love these stories! I'm glad you have such wonderful memories of your grandparents & that they're attending to you know. Bliss!

  5. Your write is beautiful, especially at this time of year. Perhaps as the number of our birthday grows, there is more longing, as there have been many more of who we loved, that are no longer here. It is a sweet sadness. It is said there is longing, and loss in the past. Anxiety in the future, so best to be in the now. If only we can be grateful for those that are here now.....and soon in the "big picture", won't be here. It seems that folks who are older than us, say, "This might be my last_________." But they are right, and we all might not be here, it might be our last, too. But maybe we shouldn't say it outloud? I enjoyed reading what you said about your Grandfather. I feel just a little, I know him now. Thanks

  6. Lovely post about your grandparents. I love when everyday things remind us of the people we love. It keeps them alive in our hearts! :-)
    I very Happy Birthday to you! I have that number one coming up in May!!

  7. This is wonderful - beautifully written and very touching. I hope you have a lovely birthday and many more visits.

  8. Love forms an unbreakable bond which cannot be broken. What a wonderful connection to have and of course the little girl inside you is alive and well.

  9. I'm balling my eyes out right now because I, too, had grandparents--my paternal and maternal grandmothers--who were fixtures in my childhood landscape. One, a little waif of a woman whose speech was barely audible, and the other a tough Irish broad who baked the meanest soda bread outside of County Clare.

    Oh, Suz, I love your stories. And 60? Just a number, but a pretty damn good one, at that :-)

  10. I am blessed that my grandmother is still living. As long as she lives, I get to be somebody's little girl.

    This is a really beautiful post.

  11. Your post gave me chills! Happy birthday to you a little early. Wow, it's a milestone birthday. Any special plans. I know what you mean about your grandparents coming to visit ... that happens to me to sometimes.

  12. Bug, they are attending to me aren't they!
    Annell...I love when sweet sadness hits's kind of like an emotional dreamsicle...I don't fret the future..It's all in God's hands...I know where I'm going
    and yes we never know whne our time has come..young or old..sick or healthy..I seek beauty and joy in every moment...most times I find finding you
    Happy way in May..and you walk 6 miles a day..shame on me and thanks
    Jabblog..why thank you..I had my first birthday cupcake out to breakfast with my mom...mothers!
    Oh John...I love my little girl...she has full use of my being when she wants..mostly to find joy and adventure
    CL a waif and a mean broad...ha ha now I know where it comes from!!!
    Write about them...we should all write about grandmothers..Do you have her recipe and want to share it?
    Mama Zen...notice her hands
    How wonderful you still have her around...take it all in now
    I wanted to go out with my girlfriends but it is not working out for this week...I have been thinking about a spa...a week at a spa..where they can kick my booties and make me a vegetarian..know any good ones?
    and when yours an unexpected place..isn't it just sweet sadness...all warm and happy
    that you had them once and still have them

  13. Good morning Suz, and happy birhtday for Sunday. These days sixty is where life begins if you let it. You carry the genes af those wonderful grandparents, and with such rich memories they are alive in you!
    So, how can you ever think (ref your comments at my place) you are a grumpy old woman... Maybe you have just cause!

  14. ha much folly going on calling itself politics....
    This birthday is a little's on the other side of the much I just discovered that I would have wanted todo if I had only known...
    My health is good, I'm still a chic inside...and some say outside..old guys of course...but hey I'll take it
    My grandfather is my nugget of gold
    No one else in my family loved him like I did...he was stoic and grumpy...but I know he loved me
    He taught me about gardens by showing me...He took me for walks..silent walks..the best kind I know now...yes, good stock
    thank you for the birthday wish
    and I still say houligans

  15. I knew we had something in common (or that there was a connection!). My twins are celebrating their BD on Sunday too. And, I turned 60 this year also (only a few months prior to you). I thought that after 50 it was the other side of the I find that it is 60! I feel much better. I think that we are never too old to learn new things and if it takes us all this time to find certain things, then we just were not ready before, don't you think? I have the most incredible memories of my Grandmother and Grandfather who practically raised me growing up. Maybe it has something to do with our era, that closeness we feel to them. Kids grow up so much faster these days and perhaps don't have the time to spend with their grandparents. I grew up learning about plants and gardening from them, like you. I guess this is why I feel so lucky to spend so much time with my granddaughter and (soon) newest grandchild-to-be! Happy Birthday Suz. I'll be thinking of you when we blow out candles on Sunday.

  16. Suz,

    Yes. Have a little nosh. I would have been a Chicagoan since I was born there, but we moved when I was very young.

    Had relatives for years there.

    60? Been there, done that. Your grandparents share with you that realization that things don't die.

    60? That's when we seriously start thinking 'cosmological'.

    Happy Birthday!


  17. My grandparents occasionally visit me in dreams . . . and just this afternoon I made my grandmother's pound cake and there she was, a little surprise to see me adding cayenne and nutmeg. I love your wonderful incidents!!

  18. Ah Terry you are making me cry a bit...we were so lucky ..
    and yes, I guess I wasn't ready
    and now some things I'd like to do just wouldn't be right now...oh well..oh well, I can write stories
    about whatever I can't I
    My granddaughter who is back in california will be 4 on the 11th..oh I miss that little one so much...we connect her and I..yes, you and I connect..I always sensed that..thanks for the birthday wishes
    TrulyFool...nosh/nash...same a bit of treat! have you seen Chicago is beautiful...crooked..but beautiful
    How sweet ..things don't they don't..I will love them until I see them again...they were special to me ANd thank you for the birthday wish of happiness...I ache a bit in the morning but everything works...:)

    Oh Vicki...there she was..I know this feeling so well.. this wonderful sweetness that comes over you when they are can taste it. Cayenne? my how interesting...oh she was happy
    Like Teri we are blessed to have our grandparents as part of our being

  19. Thank you so much for sharing this, how very special that your grandparents visited you. I can't imagine how wonderful that was/is for you.
    I have so many sweet memories of my first decade, it was such a special time especially with my grandparents.
    Happy birthday for tomorrow, have a wonderful day.

  20. suz, i so understand the yearning creeping in uninvited, just *a nash* comforting.

  21. Thank you Marilyn...I just looked you up on my globe...boy are you far away...the internet... isn't it a miracle in our time....where like minds cn be friends as we are...glad I got you thinking about your precious days with your grandparents..tell us about them

  22. Suz, you really know how to bring tears to my eyes. I sooooo understand that longing and yearning----for the people and places of times gone by. I ache to be able to go "home". To see my mom and dad, their tiny 1950's kitchen with the original appliances, my dad's workshop in the basement, my old bedroom.....
    Or to be able to wander thru either of my grandparents houses. The old farmhouse my mom grew up in with the "mysterious" upstairs where the hired help stayed or the Sears Roebuck house in Mt. Greenwood where my dad grew up. Both are gone. But I can slmost feel them and smell them. All the places that felt like home.....

  23. There's still time for that tree, my friend. I say, put it up. QUICK! I think you might be surprised at how much it gladdens your heart.

  24. Happy Birthday Suz, this is such a beautiful post. I lost my grandparents when I was still just in high school, my grandfather even before that, but my memories of visiting with them are so lovely. In fact whenever I hear someone whistling a certain way I think of my grandfather, who loved to whistle while he walked around enjoying nature in my parent's back yard.

  25. Oh Robin...I know I know
    Have you ever watch Peggy Sue got Married? The opening of the movie she falls and hits her head and she wakes up back home...walking around seeing those long dead..but they are real...oh my heart aches at that I wish I could just go home sometimes...see them all again
    RELYN..okay I will...I think I dismissed how much I would miss it..thank you for the kick in the butt
    MHeart....But isn't it a sweet taste these visits
    so close to being
    whistling?...hmmm my grandpa whistled and I had forgotten that..
    He walked with his hands clasped behind his back ...oh my..
    weren't we blessed to have them
    and to have them visit time and again

  26. When you're in your teens, sixty seems such a looooong way away, but when you get there and look back it seems to have been a very short trip.
    I love that your grandparents have been paying you attention and that you are savouring the experience. Happy Birthday :)

  27. Lucky you to have had such glorious grandparents and memories....thanks for writing such a wonderful piece-I do think that old lady was your Grandmother just back for a wee little visit with you!

  28. You are welcome. I hope it was a gentle kick.


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