My grandparents are trying to visit me lately, and that is a hard thing to do seeing they have been dead for decades. What I mean by this is that they have been in my thoughts excessively. Maybe it's Christmas,maybe it's that I'm heading to my 60th birthday soon. Whatever it is they are present.
Two weeks ago while driving home from downtown Chicago on the expressway I passed by a section of town that called to me with its many steeples reaching up to the sky. The old immigrant neighborhoods where every ethnic group had to have its own church, one grander than the other. I loved all the churches growing up.
Well, seeing those church steeples I knew I was near my grandfather's house.
I could taste a sweet sadness in my being.
If only I could just exit at this ramp and drive to Seeley avenue and walk up those wooden steps and ring the bell....he would be there.
But in that instant ..that I could have... I didn't..and drove home...longing in my heart.
Then it happened again while cooking chicken soup. I threw some fresh dill in the pot, but before I did I took a bit and put it in my mouth....and there he was...my grandfather. Glory. I closed my eyes and the taste of dill took me to his garden and more longing. And the soup was the best I've ever made.
Then just yesterday as I was grocery shopping I kept passing and bumping into this little old woman,all bent over..about 90 degrees from osteoporosis..barely able to lift her head. But she would engage me in conversation everytime we passed,even asking me to help her reach a few items. Then when checkout time came, she hustled her way into my line bemoaning that she was in a hurry and that she needed to get out of the store before it got dark...she can't drive (!?!) in the dark she said. So I let her in line in front of me...although after doing so I noticed that the lanes on either side of us were empty. hmmm
She lifted her head as high as she could and laughed about all the treats she was buying. I shouldn't be eating all these she said with a twinkle in her eye...but I am.. Just a nosh
Oh...there's that longing again...seeping into me....My grandmother used to always say that...go ahead have a nash....
I will be 60 on Sunday and here I am longing to be a little girl surrounded by my grandparents. When I look back on all the decades...the first one was magic to me...pure love. We lived downstairs in my grandpa's house...When I think back on those memories there... they are wrapped in golden light.
Whatever is going on with me....regarding them...