Thursday, March 11, 2010

Magpie Tale # 5

Magpie Tales hosts a writing prompt every week.

This is the prompt:

He imagined it the hand of Christ.
It was, after all ,a Salvation Army Thrift Store.
He believed in miracles and knew that this was one... his.
So he stood in line to pay the $5 asking price,
in pain,feeling sweaty and faint.
A young teenager suddenly grabbed the wooden hand
and folded back all the fingers, except for the middle one,
and began flashing it around....
"Give that back to me you punk" he yelled and began
struggling with the young man to get "Christ's" hand back.
The young man reached into his pant pocket and pulled out a knife
and stabbed him, while yelling out,
"Freak old man, son of a bitch freaking old man!"
then dropped the hand onto the old man who then slid
onto the white tile floor bleeding.
"Oh,my God,Jesus!" the store clerk cried out,
"Someone call an ambulance. Lie still old man,you'll be fine,just hang in there!"
"I have to buy that hand of Christ," he said faintly to the Mexican
woman who was trying to apply direct pressure to his wound.
She saw his eyes stare and then took his hand and began praying
the Lord's prayer over him.
The old man only heard Our Father...and then he was gone...
the hand of Christ upon him,
miracle complete.

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  1. I love reading everyone's different take on theses prompts. This is especially original Suz, you told a big story here, in a short piece.

  2. Sue, goose bumps crept up my arms to the back of my neck.

  3. What an unusual approach to the subject and a very realistic story.

  4. Wow. Suz you are the Queen of short stories. you hold our attention and surprise us. i can always "see" the story as you unfold it.

  5. GLORIOUS...simply glorious!

    (i am not posting till later...)
    but i HAD to tell you how lovely this is !

  6. I loved it the first time I read it, and it got better the second time. It's wonderful, but as a writing exercise from a random prompt it's just WOW.

    (cute kitty below btw!)

  7. What a powerful little vignette, Suz - really touched my heart. I'm not quite bold enough to share my stories with everybody yet.

  8. Wow! You amaze me with what you come up with. Excellent.

  9. That's very well-structured, Suz. One tiny suggestion maybe, without being critical? The line about the Mexican woman taking his hand might be seen to be ambiguous? Or maybe that's how you intended it?
    Beautiful tale!

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  11. That is an amazing gave me chills...very well done!

  12. And yet another take on this picture prompt... a mysterious tale.


  13. Wonderful tale, with a nice approach to the prompt. Well done.

  14. Fast and furious -- a nice take on the prompt!

  15. That was so unique and well done...nice to meet you Suz :)

  16. nicely done...vivid and amazing piece...

  17. I liked it a lot; read it through two times and with all these Magpies yet in waiting. I was hoping he'd make it but not much revealed with so few words. Very good!

  18. Suz, your gift is economy of language--so much said in so few words..the hand of Christ, wow.


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