Saturday, September 26, 2009
I feel like this horsechestnut leaf I painted yesterday..hanging on to summer...but it's getting harder. I must learn to let go..over and over again. There's that word.. again...ooh!
Changing my life was really harder in the letting go then the going forward. It's where I rested myself for too many years..in the land of not of me. I had to learn to let go of regret. Regret that I had wasted so much of my life as a dead creative. I had to mourn that I never went on and figured out who I was as a woman.
I was a wife,mom,sister,daughter,friend. But that wasn't me. That's who I was to someone else. My history came through their eyes. I had to see me through my own eyes... and I didn't see woman...that sensual,sexual being I was created to be.
It was painful to let go of regret.
It was hard work to connect the dots to how I got that way
I had to empty to fill
Like the horsechestnut leaf holding onto the branch..not seeing the buds that had already set,
I finally let go and surrendered to a new season.