Tuesday, February 9, 2010


Begin again....getting harder. Just look at all those wrinkles and droopy lids.
I wanted to be at goal weight by Feb. ...not looking good.
Maybe it's the dreary weather...
maybe it's the overbooked life
maybe maybe maybe

I really had to have a good talk with myself this morning
Remember what worked?..why have you abandoned those ways?
I'm hardly even writing anymore....
I'm shutting up
I'm ignoring
I'm letting it roll off my back
It never is about dieting
It's about living true
it's about not swallowing feelings...good or bad ones
it's about expression
expression expression
Whether I do it with my clothes
my jewelry
my shoes
my writing
my artwork
my living
it is always expression
of self...the self only I know is real
and wants out

My choices right now are not expressive
in a creative way
and that is crucial for me
I am a creative person
a wild at heart person
a rule breaker
a gypsy
a wanderer
a sensual being
a devourer of life
who isn't
right now
One look in the mirror and I knew...
it showed on my face
it wasn't the years...though they are packing on
but it's not about age.. one bit
I know this
I had to love myself enough to have this talk
get your ass back expressing
or you will die
bit by bit again
and that is not the kind of
begin again I want
It is not either or...
know this Susan
your sadness is of your own making
begin again
you know the way
go there
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  1. I agree!!! You are beautiful both inside and out!!! And you have no idea how I relate to what you are saying!! I am going thru the very same thing with the weight thing. I was in SUCH a good place just a few years ago---lost weight, was exercising a LOT---I broke out of a cocoon I had been in for most of my life and I became the REAL me!! And I swore I would never backslide to where I had been again!! BUT....along came menopause and who knows what else, and slowly but surely I am back in that sad, "I want to hide" place!! Well maybe not totally back there but way TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT!!!!! It terrifies me to think of being like that again!! I know I should love myself no matter what but, somehow, the extra pounds change who I am. Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to write a book here!!! I just wanted you to know that I get it!! We should discuss this at greater length sometime perhaps????

  2. i third that - Suz you are beautiful :) Keep on being you

  3. Suz what I remember most about you when you came to my house for the dwg class was your aura (and the jingling bells). You are a beautiful person. And yes, sometimes it seems hard to work at what makes us happy when it would be so much easier to just give in to the path of least resistance. The diet thing...can totally relate. I'm down to a pair of jeans I keep washing over and over because I refuse to buy more as punishment.

  4. Hey cutie! I don't know how much more beautiful you could be. Yes, inside and out! You are one of the most beautiful and caring people I know. You just keep writing, expressing yourself. That is your love. And what a gift! It's the winter blahs, Sue. As soon as you see a little green in your garden, you will feel more alive too. Don't worry about those few extra pounds. Just take care of yourself and it'll happen. It'll come off again. But not too much. Remember, as we get a little older, I think we need that little extra weight to help fight off those little things that happen. I no longer dream of being the slender type. I too can't stand it that my clothes don't fit. And I too refuse to go shopping for new ones. We just need to lose a few lumps and bumps. Maybe now with thoughts of spring in our heads, we can help one another with that. Come on Sue, Robin, Elena! What can we do? Share some good salad recipes? Get out our yoga tapes! You just want to be healthy. You beautiful person, you.

  5. Suz, when I look at that photo, I DO see a gypsy, a rule-breaker, a devourer of life. I see a bit of mischief and fun behind those eyes...I see a woman who embraces life head-on. As evidenced by your talk with yourself! What courage!

  6. Goldenbird...thanks for being my friend
    Robin...yes,we should get together and talk..when I am through helping my daughter...
    April...I love you too
    oh I could write a book...and am trying to...about what I have been through....yes, let's get together
    Purple...it took me half of my life to know that about myself
    thanks for seeing the real me
    want to get in trouble sometime
    I am shirley Valentine

  7. Elena...it's an energy thing
    and I've lost it lately
    sort of like keeping a battery charged...
    I've been unplugged lately
    temporary thing
    It takes being deliberate
    nothing by chance
    everything by choice
    Okay women..
    No potatoes
    No bread
    No pasta
    You'll see...you'll get in those jeans before spring...

  8. I adore Shirley Valentine. That was such a great movie.

  9. Okay Stacy...let's watch it together...tonight or tomorrow...enjoy it knowing the other is watching it also....
    My girlfriends know what I mean when I say "I'm going to Greece!"
    or "THIS IS TUESDAY...!" HUH!
    or "I'm gonna make fu--- with you!"
    bastards all of them
    ..want me...you'll find me in Greece
    yeah...I think I need a dose of Shirley!!!!!!

  10. Potatoes! Bread! Pasta! Yikes! 3 of my favorite things. Well, maybe I could give it a month? I'll try a week first.

  11. Red...that will be $25 bucks please
    -professional discount

  12. you are adorable.
    i love this writing, this pep talk and reminder. it's so true, just right. you are my begin again inspiration in lots of ways.
    so this writing means a lot to me and the talk about what you see in the mirror. i am trying to believe that too, that it's not about my age or my weight, it's what's i'm doing with my soul that makes me beautiful or not.
    i want to shine finally, after years of feeling so dull and ugly.

    i'm with you.
    begin again.

  13. It's never about weight
    be what you desire
    ..express yourself
    as you want the world to see you
    The clothes you wear
    the words you choose
    the shoes you put on
    all say to the world who you are
    who is that?
    only you know
    every detail is important
    Yeah Bethany
    I so like you

  14. You have written this for hundreds and thousands of women ... me included. I have copied, printed and will tape your words to my bathroom mirror.


  15. One more thing, dear Suz ... please see your physician for a check. Blood work, etc ... my sister was having the energy problem and discovered she was way low on B12 and Vitamin D. Way low.

    1. omg.....I need to read this again...although I am much better...creatively....
      but the exercise thingy....so easy to forgetabout
      but my aging body feels this inactivity...
      even though I walk a bit..lift weights a bit..it isn't enough for the aging gal...I need to practise
      and s for vitamins....a horse would have trouble taking what I take...now, I've added coconut oil
      .....luv ya fellow hot chick


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