Friday, July 23, 2010


hosts a weekly writing prompt

using the below drawing write something
using 140 characters or less

He grieved like his woman
for his child
Rivers and rivers of sorrow stars
blazing in the sky
and he thought he saw one
that was theirs

-139- characters of fiction

May I indulge a bit for a comment about something in this poem?
the first the drawing I noticed that the image was mostly male in the body
but the face female.....okay..good start for something interesting
now my first line...I originally had "He grieved like a woman....Then I wrote..He grieved like his woman.   Very subtle change... the power of one word in a poem...
any comments? ideas on this?
oh and would you put an apostrophe at the word theirs


  1. So sad and so moving. I can only try to imagine what it is like to lose a child.

  2. So powerful, no apostrophe.
    Stirring, very emotional

  3. I did notice the masculine thigh and I don't know the answer to the 'theirs' question but was captured completely by the last two lines...bravo!

  4. It's a powerful image, both picture and words ask to be studied for more than a moment.

    I could see it as man/womankind, i.e. humanity, grieving for the loss of children anywhere, not specifically a man or a woman.

  5. Excellent, Suz! This is short, deep, and a powerful "gut-punch" message.

    Just excellent!


    PS: This is powerful enough to not care about an apostrophe.

  6. made my week
    I value your input :)

  7. Friko...yes children everywhere..

  8. Hai Suz, I just read your comment on Stony River's post. Here is one way to link exactly to a post in your page. Go to the edit section of your post. Click the HTML tab. Inside the 'span' attribute of your microfictions heading put this 'id="micro1"', without the single quote. You can put anything inside the double quote.Use the same one in the href value given below. But the word must be different for different posts in the same page. Now when you put link in another place to your post, just put the href inside 'a' attribute as href="".
    Hope that helps...

  9. Changing the "a" to "his" could suggest that a man who truly knows his wife/lover/companion has witnessed her at her most vulnerable, when she has lost something and is in pain. He knows what her sobbing sounds like.

    Isn't that love?

  10. Yes! professor! you make house calls?
    My daughter-in-law is visiting I will have her take a look at what you just suggested...thank you for taking the time to try and explain it to me...a damsel (old) in blogging distress :) Really very nice of you

  11. Very powerful, indeed--and good! (And to think I took "him" for a Nancy Drew wannabe...)


  12. A great take on the pic of the day, Suz! Powerful, sad! Have a lovely week!


  13. Wow! Beautifully and powerfully written, Suz. Masterful.

    (No apostrophe needed, I believe.)

    Have a great week.

  14. You're very perceptive! Now I see that the body does look more masculine than feminine. I do like the change from "a woman" to "his woman." It definitely gives a whole new meaning to the story. Excellent take on the photo--very touching.

  15. Hi Suz! Wow, this was wonderful. And so good of you to really look at the photo of the woman so well. I didn't even notice the masculine legs until you mentioned them. VERY Good!!

  16. That's a wonderful piece of writing and well done for spotting the duality of the image's gender.

    Excellent poem. No apostrophe :)

  17. Poignant poetical take on the picture. Mine is about the Higgs boson. What, you don't read theoretical quantum particle physics? As far as I understand, the problem is that if the universe was a can of baked beans then picking it up ( the can, not the universe) suggests that only one bean in the can. But when you open it,( yes, the can) it’s full, So a Higgs boson is the way of trying to explain this difference. Simple really. Oh, if you want a proper explanation one is here. But that's why you need my metaphor machine microfiction.

  18. Powerful thing that apostrophe. A moving and thoughtful MM.

    Have a wonderful week x

  19. It's YOUR story...Do what thou wilt!

    Loved it...G

  20. Suz - I thought of these babies being the souls of those aborted, but I thought that would just be too depressing...

    but yours is powerful and evocative and tender, so I'm glad you went with the theme of loss

  21. I love the last two lines. How many of us find solace in looking up?

    And the apostrophe? Up to you, it's your art work.

  22. Very touching poem. No apostrophe is needed. I really like what you did with the picture this week.

  23. Oh, how lovely that was -- and a perfect match for the picture too.


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